AIBU to call my 14 year old dd a "fucking bitch"

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

- i didn't say it outloud, I just said it to myself in my head

she is being absolutely vile and thinks she can talk to me like something she trod in and I am sick to the back teeth of being spoken to disrespectfully.

I spent £40 on art supplies for her art exhibition she is doing this coming Friday. Today I started a job and I might not be able to go to her exhibition because I might be working Friday night. I have paid for her and supported her and driven her to her art activities all year long - I told her today I might not be able to go because of work but that I would be able to get there for the after-party and she said

"if you can't come to the exhibition don't bother coming to the after-party - i'd be embarresed if you were there anyway"

her db, ds and dad can go, it's just me that can't.

Sure but that isnt really a big risk. Anyway - not saying that is /isn't what happened with your family, just pointing out that teenagers have busy brains and it isnt always upbringing etc that has the biggest effect on behaviour. Neurology plays a big part and parents should give themselves a bit of break by remembering that.

And agree - sport is a good outlet for a lot of normal teenage frustration

When my DD was 14 I called her much worse than that in my head - don't worry on that score. She was truly horrendous on an almost daily basis.

I learnt patience I never knew I had - you have to think of the trial of living with a teenage girl as being character forming. You'll emerge from the hell a better person, honest.

And, when she's grown up and nice again she'll look back on her behaviour and cringe. So that's an enjoyable experience ahead for you :o.

LeQueen - tis moi GoblinMarket !

DD is infact very similar to her mother ! Her father is very very calm and non confrontational. As teens we would NEVER have stood up to our parents either of us. Our eldest son was a breeze - sweet pleasant helpful, kind,cheerful - angel at school. Voluntary work - all round good egg
DD was just different.
The 'histrionics' you mention don't come into it. Just moods,sulleness, dirty foeted sluttish bedroom,inability to do ANYTHING to help ANYONE. Asking her to clear up after a meal is barely worth the stress. Rolling eyes at every opportunity - snappy and continuously rude and argumentative to siblings. No drive at school.
Happy, sweet, pleasant and full of the joys of spring when with friends. QUITE a lot of a pita at school.....
Slightly psychotic to the point where she is my 'best mate' then will flip if the slightest thing does not suit her. NOTHING is my own - she is away and today i found my mac mascara- handbag mirror and clinique powder in her room. My underwear is hers..I could go on.
Those things sound minor and I really know they are. I tell her often how good she is not drinking smoking drugs etc etc but the daily,weekly monthly yearly grind gets you down. I have walked on eggshells for sometime now round my own daughter ...
An awful lot worse goes on in an awful lot of houses but I will be very glad when my sweet and amiable dd comes back- which she will! I feel it will be soon!

Lequeen - DD goes to an incredibly sought after school and we live in a very lovely area awash with focused inteligent parents.

DDs best friend has just had a baby....

I think you are being frankly naive

christ almighty, LeQ, I swear you make it up as you go along

< shakes head bemusedly >

that goes without saying

My children have always been emotional. Am expecting more of the same really. I don't tolerate rudeness but I do understand venting (ventilation?)

LeQueen - do you mean me. Am trying to diffuse the tension.

There are no guarantees and no matter what the parents are like `i for one have seen repeatedly that it has NO BEARING on teenagers once they hit full on teenage mode.Your house can go from chilled sanctuary to war zone over night and no amount of death stares/punishments that worked previously have any effect when it is in full swing. I think its normal they are flexing their independence muscles and breaking the ties it certainly does make the thought of them leaving home easier to bear than when they are like little angels and you think you won't ever let them go!

it's alright jamie, there is no tension

LeQ is consistently amiable and sunny (even though everyone is scared of her) and I am bemused

it's not a recipe for disaster or anyfink

see ?

goodo

The worst children I knew growing up (had a strangely mixed childhood due to nature of school and area) were the private school lot. They were the ones with the money for drugs. The boy with the ferrari on the drive was the one who knicked it and went for a joyride before passing his test.
I know that now drugs are cheaper than Blue WKDs so perhaps not the same and that lad was a monumental dick in any event. He'd prob have knicked a ride on mower to get attention.

Maryz you speak sense. I used to blame dd peer group until i changed it. School - changed it. Then I realised there was one common denominator

My dd lovely and bright and vibrant. She shines in a group and has just been elected head of her house [proud] She is bloody intelligent and pulls things out of a hat after appearing to do no work. Her teachers despair of her nil effort and say 'but you know (naughty daughter) - she'll probably get A*'

She will go far

It is maybe all this drive and joie de vivre has to have down side and this is it. You don't get something for nothing and if me and dp shouldering her awfulness has to happen then so be it.

I speak to many,many DREAMY calm - much lovelier more perfect -people then me about their teens and hear very similar usually worse stories then my own

Would you say your friend and her DH meant you were massively passive-aggressive Le Queen? I would take it that way if my friends said that to me. Did you not mind?