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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to call my 14 year old dd a "fucking bitch"

347 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/07/2011 19:42

Sad - i didn't say it outloud, I just said it to myself in my head Sad

she is being absolutely vile and thinks she can talk to me like something she trod in and I am sick to the back teeth of being spoken to disrespectfully.

I spent £40 on art supplies for her art exhibition she is doing this coming Friday. Today I started a job and I might not be able to go to her exhibition because I might be working Friday night. I have paid for her and supported her and driven her to her art activities all year long - I told her today I might not be able to go because of work but that I would be able to get there for the after-party and she said

"if you can't come to the exhibition don't bother coming to the after-party - i'd be embarresed if you were there anyway"

her db, ds and dad can go, it's just me that can't.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:19

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TheSecondComing · 13/07/2011 17:19

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lovesicecream · 13/07/2011 17:19

I think your right thefirst, they left school young had to work to help support the household (many had fathers who died in the war) we have problems now because they think at 13 14 they are grown up and we don't think they are, they still have to go to school, have a bed time do homework etc maybe 80 years ago we didn't have this problem as kids had to become adults at 13/14 their was no in-between teenage years

Tortington · 13/07/2011 17:20
LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:21

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LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:22

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lovecorrie · 13/07/2011 17:23

I have no idea how it happened, but my eldest dd ( now 21) was actually a model teenager. She didn't smoke or drink - she did her homework, she joined the army cadets, was respectful and thoughtful to her younger brother and sister, was head girl at her school and was generally all round bloody lovely Shock. Outside of the house from about age 17, I know she started to drink and snog boys and stuff Grin but even now having left home (to move in with her very sensible accountant boyfriend with a mortgage), she is incredibly nice. As I say, I have absolutely no idea how this happened and am quite sure that ds11 and dd 5 will make up for it!

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:24

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unpa1dcar3r · 13/07/2011 17:24

no-one seems to ask for rent anymore.

I bloody do. And off the BF too! (hers not mine, think hubby would have something to say about me charging MY BF rent!!!) Wink

Aw think you're generalising a little there Rhubarb. Although my eldest (and the rent paying BF!) still live here, they both work bloody long hours for crap money in very trying jobs, she put herself through uni etc...
I think a lot of them still live at home cos it's too damned expensive not to. (Plus of course yes, they do know which sides their breads buttered to an extent!)
Thing is once they reach adulthood (legal not mentally!) you can kick em out if they play up! At least there's that.

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:25

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PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 13/07/2011 17:25

LeQueen nope that I can counter that argument as dd is 16.10 and not started her periods
The fact was in bygone days physical threats were very real....

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 13/07/2011 17:26

And socially acceptable.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 17:27

lequeen I think you are right re the periods, maturity thing. They also possibly were married and having babies by that time or soon after so went straight from girlhood to motherhood.

It was only after the war, with disposable income, free education, free health care and fathers desperate for a bit of normality that there was time to be a teenager.

The stuff I have studied going back to the middle ages pretty much states that childhood didnt exist the way it we see it now. Children were mini adults just without the power and status.

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:27

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unpa1dcar3r · 13/07/2011 17:28

honestly hope i never feel this way about my daughter!

Oh don't worry Greengirl, you'll get there. Wink
Happens to the best of us.

It's how you all come out the other side which matters.

MittzyTheVixen · 13/07/2011 17:29

Loving the shed idea.. but for me not the DC's.
utI think you have a point greengirl, but sometimes venting on here can be a positive part of getting perspective to then sit down with the DC to talk.

DS has a vile temper, and I do mean vile.
He loves having his tea from the chippy so I wanted to treat him tonight to anything he wanted,

Yesterday he had promised to do his homework but reneged on that promise. I reminded him tonight, and he immediately snarled at me, I remained calm and focussed as he punched the door repeatedly, loosening one of the panels, ripping into me verbally, before storming off.
I left him alone to calm down, he eventually apologised and asked for his tea money.
He has now done his homework.

I don't think, given our circumstances, I could have dealt with it differently without it escalating, but quite frankly, I do need to come on here sometimes and moan that he is a selfish, manipulative, mardy, thoughtless teen who I both love and am exasperated by. I could cry. I want to shout at him and ask him who the hell he thinks he is talking to and take every privilege off him.
I have done nothing but work all week, apart from 2 x 1hr stints at the gym and I am shattered and he has the blatant audacity to tell me 'it isn't all about you Mum' when I ask him politely to put his shoes on the shoe rack.
He is, at times, a nightmare, but where his Dad will say 'Oh do what you want DS, I can't be bothered with you'.
I don't. And won't.
But I damn well think it after the umpteenth argument about homework, trying to organise his head so he makes the most of his considerable potential.

And sadly, my DS is partly a troubled youngster as a result of a troubled start in life.
Nothing though, could be worse than where we were so I count my blessings for now.

unpa1dcar3r · 13/07/2011 17:32

The stuff I have studied going back to the middle ages pretty much states that childhood didnt exist the way it we see it now

Did quite a bit about this at university too MrsD. Kids as young as 3 were working even just in the home...the 1st children act was circa 1300 and something but was very basic.
Children were not valued like they are nowadays. The mortality rate was incredibly high (esp in Victorian times) and it was not unusual to lose 5 of your 6 kids to something horrible, many before the age of 5.
Glad we've progressed but sometimes wonder if we've gone too far the other way at times!

DumSpiroSpero · 13/07/2011 17:35

My niece has got away with very little growing up but hit 11 and is now a fully fledged little madam. Am so looking forward to DD getting to that age...not!

And no, YANBU if you only said it to yourself. My DD isn't quite 7 and I had to scream very loudly into a cushion last week Grin!

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:38

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TheRhubarb · 13/07/2011 17:38

Not everyone's teenager changes overnight then. That's good to hear. Oh and I was 17 before I started my periods and they did have young starters back then, I remember my gran saying that one of her sisters started at the age of 12.

lovesicecream you are right though. Kids had to grow up a lot faster back then and it certainly contributed to their maturity.

I do think kids should fear their parents to an extent. Both of mine know I love them to the ends of the earth, but they also know that should they step too far over the line I will come down like a ton of bricks. They fear the consequences of their actions and to me, that is how it should be. I have never hit them and never would, but I have made sure that they put right what they have done wrong, no matter how hard a lesson that may be.

A little fear is sometimes a good thing.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 17:41

I think I should point out that I have a shed.

It is bliss. I keep my Lovely Things in there and my sewing machine and all the fabric that I will eventually make things out of like to look at

Everyone should have one (OH thinks its his - oh how I laugh)

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 17:41

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TheRhubarb · 13/07/2011 17:42

unpa - I wonder that too. Some parents moan about their kids never cleaning their rooms, never lifting a finger to help etc etc yet they've never expected them to. Children were expected to pull their weight around the home and some of it was hard labour! Thankfully those days are gone now, but with the washing machine, dishwashing and hoover you'd think it'd be easier for parents to insist kids help out at an early age.

And I am aware that some parents do expect this and some parents don't walk on eggshells. I am not referring to you but the parents on MN who start threads moaning about their teenagers not pulling their weight.

TheRhubarb · 13/07/2011 17:51

BTW - cheers Custy, here's a manly back slap for you! Grin

Don't worry btw, I just blew my top a little. Last 2 weeks of school is a nightmare and dh has left all the holiday planning to me, again. I had taken time out to write what I thought were helpful posts to Maryz and I got upset when AF implied they were anything but. However I took some time out and realised that their opinion doesn't matter as they are just posts on a screen. They don't know me at all. I'm sure if this debate were conducted face to face we'd all be as polite as could be! Grin

I'm sorry about AF and Noddy as I liked them, but I still feel AF was out of order and I'm sorry she can't see that. Still I'm over it now and this debate has finally become interesting again and not just a psycho analysis of me by people who have never met me Grin

Shame I have to leave it to feed the kids!

Jajas · 13/07/2011 17:58

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