AIBU to call my 14 year old dd a "fucking bitch"

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

- i didn't say it outloud, I just said it to myself in my head

she is being absolutely vile and thinks she can talk to me like something she trod in and I am sick to the back teeth of being spoken to disrespectfully.

I spent £40 on art supplies for her art exhibition she is doing this coming Friday. Today I started a job and I might not be able to go to her exhibition because I might be working Friday night. I have paid for her and supported her and driven her to her art activities all year long - I told her today I might not be able to go because of work but that I would be able to get there for the after-party and she said

"if you can't come to the exhibition don't bother coming to the after-party - i'd be embarresed if you were there anyway"

her db, ds and dad can go, it's just me that can't.

Amber. I wasn't being condescending. Many apologies if you thought otherwise.
I was just snorting down my nostrils at Le Queen and Rhubarb

Is it safe for me to come back now? because my ds was an arse for 2 years and we are the lovely family on the john lewis ad

yes, very much so. get the relationship on s different level if you can

you should hear what I say in my head about my ds (10), he sometimes drives me mad because he's so like ME!

Rhubarb. They do change overnight.
One minute it's brownies, guides, cycling club, tap, ballet, orchestra.
And then it all changes and it's all your'e fault.

certainly with the first, when this happens it can seem like they were the shining ball of sunshine, the sponge to soak up all knowledge, the face that looked up at you in anticipation of direction. The next minute they hate you and they look down at you whilst they are screeming that their life is bullshit, and you are wondering how thye got so tall.

but then i have three and my experience with the twins - each - different to that of my eldest.

It is very hard to generalise. ever one of us has different tempraments, different factors influencing our childrens lives.

there isn't one answer.

I think we should be careful before being descriptive about experiencing something before commenting on it tbh, or else certain, rather prolific posters should jog on and not even post on mn - what not having children, or having the responsability for children AT ALL.

You will know that i am hardly impartial when i say this, but i am trying to be fair.I think rhubarb was trying to give advice, even offered for personal off board contact with her dh if it would help.

i do think she was rounded on somewhat - and by that i mean - sure its ok to have an opinion and to respectfully disagree multiple times from multiple different posters. but it became more than that.

Rhubarb responded and should know better than to let mumsnetters know that her feelings have been hurt, she's been on here long enough to know that by and large, we don't give a shit and see it as a sign of weakness.

so in conclusion, there is no one defining way of parenting, not even a teenager - i had three. i failed with one, and i am doing ok with two. someone else might have fucked all of them up and someone else still might have sent them all to oxford on full scholorships. we all do things differently, we all have different influencing factors, schools, areas, characters, peers, lifestyles, homes, money....and on. however its about putting your opinion out there from all of us, this rich, rich tapestry which is mumsnet, that enables others to think about those opinions and form one of their own. which i think is why this site isn't just for mums, but dads too and those who haven't got children at all.

i did ask my son to leave, i had to think of my other two children and the influence he was having.

he got his own flat with his GF - 3 years later he is still with her. we have a good relationship, he visits occasionally, i visit him occasionally. My sons life is dominated by canibis. i failed him totally. sure he had decisions he made, but i could have made different ones. he knows we love him conditionally the condition is he doesn't ask for money.

Ah but custy she is your mate and you are loyal but she was hugely patronising and stated that in her opinion the whole idea of the overnight nightmare didn't exist when the rest of us were saying it did. All teenagers are different but to say to people going through shit with theirs that you should have spotted it sooner is insulting.

Lois from malcome in the middle is my idol

remember when she said this about malcolm
" You don?t think I?d sacrifice this one? Let me explain something to you. I would sell Malcolm down the river in a heartbeat to save Reese. Malcolm?s gonna be fine no matter what happens. Maybe he?ll have to go to junior college or start off blue collar, but he?ll work his way up to management eventually. Reese is the one who needs saving."

i think unconditional love is bullshit, i sacrificed one to save two. he was 18 at the time and i felt i had done what i could.

yep nodders, i said below that i wasn't impartial!

i do think she was rounded on somewhat - and by that i mean - sure its ok to have an opinion and to respectfully disagree multiple times from multiple different posters. but it became more than that.

It is so hard when they just become someone you don't recognise and can't get them to see their faults. I for one am not sad to be over the screaming and shouting but ds is only 17 so who knows what is to come? I am hoping when he goes to uni he will really grow up

Well, Custy, it became a bit more than that because Rhubarb kept repeating the same stuff! And I think you'll find that other posters were offended by that.

Works both ways.

totally understand maryz, thank god very few parents have to actually get to that place where thy have to sacrifice one kid for the others

I personally think its a bit rich to say it doesn't exist also that we are exaggerating and should have spotted it sooner and been more disciplinarian and then have an attack of the poor me's. I like rhubarb on here and tbh think this is a bit out of character for her as she is so adamant we are wrong but has no experience of parenting a teenager. Calling a whole bunch of people liars because she thinks she has parenting all wrapped up is awful!

respectfully Biwi my lovely, i have to disagree. My opinion is that rhubarb expressed an opinion at 10:21:36. You were the very next poster and your response of 10:46:31 could be contrued as a tad argumentative. Rhubarbs response to your post was then passive agressive....and then it went on from there.

Its ok to have an opinion and to respectfully disagree multiple times from multiple different posters. but it became more than that.

Righto noddy.

I was not rude to rhubarb

the worst I said was that she talking out her arse

as for the other accusations towards me ?

unfounded and OTT

accusations?

I am only repeating what she said in earlier posts and expressing surprise and distaste at it.

I thought it was an out-of-character reaction too

Have seen rhubs join in with robust debate before, but a not-so-veiled accusation of bullying is not justified on this thread

AnyFucker Wed 13-Jul-11 14:53:12

You were simply stating facts in an impartial notw kind of way?

custy, you don't think rhubs post of 14:49 contains any accusations ?