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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to call my 14 year old dd a "fucking bitch"

347 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/07/2011 19:42

Sad - i didn't say it outloud, I just said it to myself in my head Sad

she is being absolutely vile and thinks she can talk to me like something she trod in and I am sick to the back teeth of being spoken to disrespectfully.

I spent £40 on art supplies for her art exhibition she is doing this coming Friday. Today I started a job and I might not be able to go to her exhibition because I might be working Friday night. I have paid for her and supported her and driven her to her art activities all year long - I told her today I might not be able to go because of work but that I would be able to get there for the after-party and she said

"if you can't come to the exhibition don't bother coming to the after-party - i'd be embarresed if you were there anyway"

her db, ds and dad can go, it's just me that can't.

OP posts:
Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:04

i have been on the recieving end of a group of people who have a different opinion and who do not see that they are being hurtful with the way they are expressing their opinion.

then they always question the persons character, or state of mind, then it goes on to fake concern. It really does undermine your character and opinion.

This is becoming a little pitch fork and torch.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:06

oh give over, custy

perhaps rhubs didn't realise she was being hurtful when she persisted in giving us the benefit of her parenting advice, when concerns had already been raised about how patronising it was

she got told

simple as that

Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:07

a very emotional response to your post of 14:43:35 where you said she was talking out of her arse.

BecauseImWorthIt · 13/07/2011 16:07

A tad argumentative? Yes, Custy, because I was cross! Or am I not allowed to be?

Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:08

it isn't that simple, clearly. god forbid we should treat all unwanted advice in that manner.

noddyholder · 13/07/2011 16:10

If you really don't believe this is 'only the internet' then you should only say what you would irl and I don't think any of us do that! I don't think she would say those things irl to someone having nightmares with a teen and I don't think anyone would call her passive aggressive in the playground! Can you imagine if we all took off the brakes on our opinions irl there would be mayhem! So we are all different people on here and it is not real otherwise we would all shut the * up Grin

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:10

I said "you are talking out yo' arse"

that and no more

does not justify the accusations of shitting on her, being intent on knocking her down, abusing her etc etc etc

I say the same thing to my teenager when she does talk out her arse. I would say she takes it better than rhubarb or yourself would.

Fancy that Smile

I say she saw a convenient bandwagon, and hitched herself a ride

Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:11

ofcourse, as long as your part is recognised. I hope you recognise from my posts that i am not painting Rhubarb as whiter than white. Everyone had a part to play imo even if they fail to recognise that as you have done.

Maryz · 13/07/2011 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 13/07/2011 16:13

I don't really think there even was any 'part to play' it was a straightforward disagreement imo.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:13

< ahem >

I have frequently told people they are talking out their arse in RL

and if they react in a PA manner, they get told that too

the funny thing is though, I rarely get people trying to repeatedly tell me I am parenting my teenager all wrong

Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:14

your part anyfucker is to sensationalise and call names

noddyholder · 13/07/2011 16:15

Well precisely AF so do I but only if I am sure of my argument and certainly not to someone who is commenting on something they are experiencing which I have no knowledge of!

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:16

whatever you say custy

I think you are in a minority of two here

although I applaud you sticking up for your mate, I would do the same

Tortington · 13/07/2011 16:17

the manner of responding and the subject are different anyfucker.

whilst i respect your right to disagree it is how you do it, i think we really shouldn't discuss who hitched onto a bandwagon

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:19

so you can accuse me of "sensationalising" and "name calling" but I can't mention bandwagons ?

uh-huh

LeQueen · 13/07/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 13/07/2011 16:22

AnneWiddecomesArse, Nooo I didnt think you were being condescending at all!

We are coming from the same place Smile

Re your daughter and the shed, I have threatened my son with the same, he saw me looking at sheds online and said cue Kevin the teenager voice 'whats that for' and I told him it was his new room....thats why your first post made me smile.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 13/07/2011 16:24

We'd all roll our eyes at the lentil weavery mum to be and say 'just ypu wait'
The same is true here- I don't know any parent of two or more teens who says it's easy - and I know some great parents. Teaching a teen is a million miles away from parenting one

TheRhubarb · 13/07/2011 16:26

Thanks Custy mate but imo this thread is full of defensive parents and I don't really care now who I offend because you lot obv don't seem to care either.

Yes I should know better than to say comments have hurt. Posters don't give a shit.

I said that IMO the Kevin syndrome does not exist and that I think it is a build of things that largely go unnoticed until it all bubbles out. Tell me where that is offensive. I said that IMO it's difficult for parents and kids because parents don't know quite how to progress from disciplining a child to a 6ft teen and it can seem like this happened overnight, but it didn't.

Maryz. I was talking about your son's AS may have on the way he acted. I cannot speak for his friends and neither can you really as who knows what goes on in other peoples homes? If you don't want me to relate my experience with kids with AS then just say so.

AnyFucker and Noddy, don't tell me how I normally am please, that is the finest example of patronising behaviour. Next you'll be asking me how the depression is an a passive aggressive way. I had a blow out on this thread because I am human and I do not act in a clinical, calculating way. I speak with emotions and feelings and try to help in an often clumsy way.

AF you said "rhubs, every person who actually lives with a teenager day in-day out on this thread, thinks you are talking out yo' arse

perhaps there is something in that ?

to carry on justifying why you are right and we are all wrong seems bombastic to me, and even more so because it is based on very little experience in my eyes

I also can't believe you are continuing to persist in telling Maryz how and why her son is behaving as he is, and what she should be doing about it.

She is being very polite about it, but I would be raging at you, tbh."

So actually you were saying that I was talking out of my arse. You even presumed to tell me how another poster should react to my advice when I was actually doing my best to be helpful. So do excuse my reaction, but I found that to be the most insulting thing yet.

It's one thing to be told you are talking out of your arse, I agree that I often do, but quite another when you are relating personal experiences to help another poster and be told that this is also patronising? That she should be raging at me? For trying to help? Or should I also have a teenager with AS in order to know anything at all about them? Never mind that I've been trained with SN kids and worked closely with them (including one to one and family liaison), my experience obv means fa (thank you for being polite Maryz).

Perhaps if you weren't so defensive you might be able to take my comments on board as someone else's opinion. But parenting is a sensitive issue and obv I should never have intruded on your thread as you are not willing to even listen to anyone else who has a different opinion. You MUST be right at all times. Hmm

Feel free to have another go because I quite frankly don't give a shit. I don't know you and therefore your views of me matter not one jot.

AmberLeaf · 13/07/2011 16:29

"I said that IMO the Kevin syndrome does not exist"

I wonder why then that the Harry Enfield scetch was so popular?

Maybe because 1000s of parents of teenagers identified with it?

SarahStratton · 13/07/2011 16:29

DD1. Sweet, kind, thoughtful. Stayed the same throughout teenagerdom.
DD2. Sweet, kind, thoughtful. Turned into a hellion at the age of 12. Has reached 14 without me causing her any lasting damage. Showing signs of becoming human again returning to normal.

They are all different. And there is no one way to deal with them because of that. You just can't generalise.

And fwiw I found Rhubarb a tad patronising too. Well meaning definitely, but it would have been better to acknowledge gracefully what others were saying.

Maryz · 13/07/2011 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 13/07/2011 16:31

I really have NO IDEA what you are talking about now. It is pitiful to say you don't care who you hurt when you have made a pretty big meal of being hurt yourself. As for patronising I have always found you pretty feisty and the type to see an argument through and have no idea about your personal life and nor should I! It is good to see that you don't give a jot as you don't know us. A huge contradiction but I am not going to say anymore as I like custy and know her irl and am not about to fall out with her over this. But make your mind up we either are real eople with feelings or we aren't. I can't keep up!

AnyFucker · 13/07/2011 16:32

I didn't say mary should be raging at you. I said I would be, if you were addressing me. You are implying I told mary how to react. That is not true.

I didn't have a go at you. I told you that you are talking out of your arse. The rest you put two and two together and made "bullying bingo".

Stop saying things that aren't true, rhubarb.

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