AIBU to have a male friend to stay when DH is away?

[clothesoverbros]

ok, background: have known this man for 20 years, never had a relationship or even any drunken fumbles when younger. I would class him as one of my very closest friends, we say each other regularly and email / chat often.

DH and he get on ok - but very different so not really friends if you see what I mean. DH is generally happier for me to see friend on my own.

He's recently lost a parent and split up with his long term girlfriend, so I'm a bit worried about him.

DH will be working away during the week, returning at weekends so I've arranged for my friend to come visit and because of the distance he'll need to stay over. We now have a young DD and so it's difficult for me to go out in the evening as I would have done pre-baby.

My DH thinks this is 'inappropriate' my response was 'how dare you tell me who I can or can't see'.

So am I being unreasonable?

Interesting thread.

In the last 20 years that dp and I have been together, I've stayed with a male friend on his boat (dp wasn't there), dp has stayed in a tent with another woman (on a mountain trek), my male cousin came to stay for 2 days while dp was away (neighbours curtains twitching), my lesbian friend came to stay for a week while dp was away (neighbours curtains not twitching, but some desperately unelightened friends had raised eyebrows)..... could think of more examples.

And so what? Well exactly. Dp and I are entirely monogomous, it is what we choose. I don't fancy my male friend with the boat, I don't fancy my lesbian friend. I can't imagine any amount of wine that would make me want to kiss either of them. I believe, and trust that dp is the same about his female friend that he camped with.

In fact the closest I have come to being 'tempted' was in my own house, with a friend of dps, while dp was also in the house.

I can see that externally some people might think that any of the above situations might be 'inappropriate', but I know that it would be more inappropriate for me to spend 10 minutes cosied up on the sofa with dp's friend.

Curtain twitchers do my head in. Our neighbours gossiped when we lent our place to a girlfriend for a month because a "male came to stay". Her brother!!!!!

What is important is how the two people involved feel. If your DH is uncomfortable then you need to explore why. If you can't reassure him then I think you shouldn't proceed with the plan.