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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to have a male friend to stay when DH is away?

477 replies

clothesoverbros · 11/07/2011 06:56

ok, background: have known this man for 20 years, never had a relationship or even any drunken fumbles when younger. I would class him as one of my very closest friends, we say each other regularly and email / chat often.

DH and he get on ok - but very different so not really friends if you see what I mean. DH is generally happier for me to see friend on my own.

He's recently lost a parent and split up with his long term girlfriend, so I'm a bit worried about him.

DH will be working away during the week, returning at weekends so I've arranged for my friend to come visit and because of the distance he'll need to stay over. We now have a young DD and so it's difficult for me to go out in the evening as I would have done pre-baby.

My DH thinks this is 'inappropriate' my response was 'how dare you tell me who I can or can't see'.

So am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MotherofallDragons · 14/07/2011 12:27

and, yes. it was the post where I told luvvin to fuck the fuck off. and I have asked mn to confirm that I am not a troll and why they deleted.

MotherofallDragons · 14/07/2011 12:49

and again MOAD is trolling as she hasn't responded to the issue raised, instead prefering to make her own one up...ie: We dared to disagree with her....it has nothing to do with that as she well knows and as had been said. Its about her altering the OP's AIBU statement and constantly refusing to address the fact that the OP wants her male friend to sleep over for a few days while her DH is away

conversations alter, the debate has moved on a bit from the op. thats what happens. disagree with me all you like, I dont care. you arent my friends and there have been some posts that I have agreed with. the threads change and evolve. some threads start out being about fish and end up about skylights. that is not trolling. that being flexible. if you dont know how to mn then its not the place for you.

rockinhippy · 14/07/2011 13:00

YANBU - your DH needs to lighten up & trust YOU - regardless of what he suspects of your friends motives - his response to you innocently having your friend stay over says far more about your DH than you & your friend - why on earth does he think its inappropriate, why on earth doesn't he trust you - apart from the obvious insecurity on his part - you've just had a baby FGSHmm, what does he think you are going to be doingConfused - is he worried about the neighbours or somethingConfused

He's been VERY silly & needs to lighten up & have a serious word with himself about WHY he feels he can't trust you - you trust him to work away after allHmm

luvvinlife · 14/07/2011 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MotherofallDragons · 14/07/2011 14:00

My DH thinks this is 'inappropriate' my response was 'how dare you tell me who I can or can't see'.

So am I being unreasonable?

no. you trust you dh to work away, it is possible to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex without it being more.#

that do you?

you are clearly unhinged. Carmina, and other posters raised the issue of friendships between the opposite sex, the conversation has moved on significantly since the op.

The fact you swore at me makes no difference whatsover, it just showed you up as an outted troll that wasn't getting its own way.

I am not a troll. I said I had namechanged, I have said what my usual names are and explained why. you are trying to bully me because I disagree with you, and frankly that says more about you than it does me. Carmina has stated that I am not a troll, disagreeing with you doesnt make me a troll, it just means that we have differing views. you have been nasty and aggressive and Im genuinely very upset that someone who doesnt know me can make that kind of accusation. if you dont know what a troll is, read up on it.

To continue to push a point that only you are making while ignoring the OP is trolling for the sake of creating an arguement.

no it isnt. I stated my opinion early on, and also my responses to the debate as it moved on. again, you are trying to bully me, and I will not allow it.

kamarastar · 14/07/2011 14:01

@luvvin please stop accusing MOAD of being a troll, she clearly isn't Sad.

@rockinhippy Amen to that!

TheSecondComing · 14/07/2011 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goober · 14/07/2011 14:09

FFS.

Love you Lissie.

luvvinlife · 14/07/2011 14:11

And you are still doing it.

The thread was not about having close friends of the opposite sex.....it was about having a friend of the opposite sex sleeping over while the DP was away.

But then you knew that. sigh

ktmoomoo · 14/07/2011 14:11

lissie is not a troll no wat i can promise u this x hand on heart xxxxx

PippiLongBottom · 14/07/2011 14:13

You can tell by the sense that she talks that MOAD is not a troll.

We are not sock puppets either.

luvvinlife · 14/07/2011 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ElectricSoftParade · 14/07/2011 14:13

MotherofallDragons IS NOT A TROLL.

MOAD IS NOT A TROLL.

MOAD IS NOT A TROLL.

MOAD IS NOT A TROLL.

BupcakesandCunting · 14/07/2011 14:14

Lissie is NOT a troll, fgs, she is a well-known and well-liked MNer.

Pack it in or else I will report you for troll-hunting, which is not allowed.

PippiLongBottom · 14/07/2011 14:14

Ktmoomoo, did you get lost looking for netmums?

(Sorry Lissie Blush)

MotherofallDragons · 14/07/2011 14:14

and I answered the op. if convos didnt change and move on it would be

AIBU?

yes.

no.

yes.

and on and on. for about 50 posts, then nothing. you just arent getting it are you? the issue of friendships was raised, not by me, and the converstaion has moved on a bit. and because you are too dim to understand how fora work you are trying to bully posters and calling troll.

I want an apology.

ElectricSoftParade · 14/07/2011 14:14

MOAD is not a troll.

ESP is not a sock puppet.

BrianAndHisBalls · 14/07/2011 14:15

TSC Grin

ktmoomoo · 14/07/2011 14:15

moad is the most ginuine person her on mn ive ever know and not a trolll x

Lizzylou · 14/07/2011 14:16

This thread is 300+ posts on, how boring if the initial op only was being debated Luvvin!
Conversations tend to go like that, they move on.

Why you persist in trying to referee this debate in such an immature manner whilst keeping on with the ludricous suggestion that MOAD is a troll I don't know.

MotherofallDragons · 14/07/2011 14:17

One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.

where have I done that? by disagreeing with you? because there are names for people who dont allow for differing opinions.

As a verb, the practice of trying to lure other Internet users into sending responses to carefully-designed incorrect statements or similar.

again, where? C&P my post where I have behaved this way. go on.

ktmoomoo · 14/07/2011 14:18

im not lost x im appulled by the bitchyness of a certain person , its the reason im not on here so juch its just gone down hilll so so much

TheRhubarb · 14/07/2011 14:18

You won't get an apology. I wanted one from someone yesterday who upset me and a while ago someone made a horrible remark about my kids and my abilities as a mother. All very hurtful stuff. No apologies.

MN has become very very aggressive. There was a time that if you had made a remark and someone said it had upset them, they would apologise and all would be made up. Now they accuse you of playing the victim game and never seem to let go, even bashing you when you are obviously not there to defend yourself. Yup, sometimes it's worth just switching off and walking away.

Carminagetsprimal · 14/07/2011 14:20

Luvvin - threads rarely stay completely 'on topic' - especially when the op posts once and never comes back!- posters on this thread have been discussing friendships: relationships in general ( yes, using the scenario described in the op as an example of a tricky situation ) I honestly can't see any trollish behaviour on this thread at all - even with a magnifying glass. IMO it's been a good thread with some really honest opinions, everyone's personal relationships are unique, so there's bound to be disagreement.
I know MOAD as Lissielou ( we rarely agree on anything Wink ) - she's defo not a troll -

ktmoomoo · 14/07/2011 14:20

moad is my friend i know her and she is NOT A TROLL this i can assure u xx