to want to knock this little fuckwit's head off

[knobbysEx]

Boy on our street, 5 years old. KEEPS hittin, swearing at and spitting on my 3 year old ds. He's then lied to his parents about his behaviour and they have taken his side. Even though they know he's a little horrible fuckwit.

I've been out, spoken to him many times, spoken to the parents, banned him from my garden (then lifted the ban when he apologised, then banned him again for further fuckwit behaviour)
He's the youngest of 4 kids aged 5 - 9years in a workless household, parents never do a thing with the kids, just spend the benefit money on fags and takeaways as far as I can see. They just seem resigned to his behaviour whenever I've complained, and say "I know, I know..."

Latest problem, my dcs, aged 10, 8 and 3 playing on the front, this kid yday shouted "fuck off" on my 3 y o's face. My 10yo dd said "don't say that" and she got the finger. I went out and asked him if he wanted to be friends with my children, why is he swearing, why won't he answer when I'm speaking to him.... I got an insolent glare to everything I said, so I just sent him home. Dad comes out accusing me of shouting at his kid, blah blah blah (I didn't, I'd bloody well admit it if I did) and tells me I should get off my arse, shouldn't be sat inside all day, should be out watching my kids!! I GO TO WORK ALL DAY!!!!!!! TRY IT!

Anyway, I was so mad, I banned my kids from playing with the fuckwit, but today they were playing out - not with the boy - and the boy has grabbed my 3 y o's leg out from under him as he was walking past (there is a large green area outside the house where they play) and hurt his head. He then went straight home before I was summoned.

I just feel so fucking IMPOTENT that I can't go out there and grab this little fucking reprobate by the scuff of his neck and tell him the next time he touches my dc, I'll fucking rip his fucking head off!
AIBU? And more to the point, WHAT CAN I DO???
The parents just don't give a damn.

Saying 'I call a spade a spade' is as bad as saying 'I'm mad, me'.

But I'm there too!

No, it isn't. It's describing behaviour. The boy can be nice, and when he's nice, I call him nice. He can also act like a little fuckwit, and when he acts like a little fuckwit, I call him a little fuckwit.

I call a spade a spade

I'm not a racist but...

Don't take offence but...

Would you call a child with SN a fuckwit? Just out of interest?

Oh. Then I am confused.
If you are there why did you have to be summoned when your three year old had his leg pulled from under him?

Why are we all talking about your elder dc watching the three year old if you are out there?

Oh please. Grow up.

Five year olds aren't fuckwits. End of. You're calling a spade a fuckspade.

I'd gone into the house! The boy has only ever once done anything when I was watching, and probably didn't see me there, or he wouldn't have. I do not abandon my child into the others' care, but neither do I stand on guard for the whole time, I can be distracted for any number of reasons with the kids asking for things or wanting my attention.

I'm sorry KnobbyEx but I think the general consensus is that whilst the other child's parents should be parenting him better, your child is your responsibility and shouldn't be outside without adult supervision in the first place.

Hang about. This whole thread has been occupied with posters telling you that you shouldn't really be leaving your toddler under the care of your elder DCs. You've chosen NOW as the time to tell us that that's not the case? Hmmm kay.

Seriously though, about my SN question. Were you telling me to grow up? It's a legitimate question. I really don't think that a five year old is equipped with the mental maturity to realise fully the consequences of his actions. That's why he needs adults to gently guide him into doing the right thing. Some SN people might not be able to fully realise the consequences of some of their actions. Would you call a SN person a fuckwit?

summer I get that. Accepted. I will be there at all times from now on, and if I am called to another task, I will bring my lo inside 'til it's done.

Ok.
Then, if he is being hurt or upset even when you are out there, you must keep him inside whenever you go inside.

At the risk of being pedantic, your dc are being left to watch him when you pop inside and this is exacerbated by the child using your absence as the time to be aggressive.
So you can't let your older dcs be in charge, even if you are just distracted and popping in.

That might be safer

Ah, x-posted.

Yes. Good idea.

It's not in the op, but I have said many times that I am onhand, in and out of the house when the kids are outside.
No, I wouldn't call a person with SN a fuckwit. I have never encountered a person with SN that plays well with a younger child, then hits it when adults aren't looking.
And I think you underestimate the mental capacity of a 5 year old. My 3 year old knows there are consequences to actions, and accepts them brilliantly. It is his choice, and he understands that...
I have tried to show the boy the consequences of his actions being that he is no longer welcome at our house. His mum brought him round and forced him to apologise, so I lifted the ban and explained why he'd been banned, why I had decided to give him another chance, and what would happen if his behaviour descended into fuckwittery once again.

I shall apologise unreservedly if it turns out the boy is diagnosed with anything other than a lack of guidance/discipline/consequence/reward at home.

Blimey I think you're all being really judgemental of knobbysEx! All kids and situations are different and as a mum you make a judgement call on whether any situation/environment is safe and for what age. I think you should be able to send your kids out into a communal safe space to play - it sounds like a lovely street. They need to feel they can experiment and explore without you. This little boy sounds like a right bleeder and I have had experience of similar little brats... he is attacking your child and getting away with it and I can understand your sweary outburst TBH.

It sounds like you've done all you can to try and sort him out yourself, to no avail so unfortunately all you can do is remove your 3 yr old to protect him. I ilke the suggestion of getting your older ones to protect him, a few 'trips' and warnings from them might do the trick, otherwise there's not a lot to do that you haven't done already. It's crap but there it is. Good luck.

Thanks, princess great to hear from you

knobbysEx I'd see red if my DS was being bullied like that too. And I don't blame you AT ALL for feeling the way you do towards the little horror, sorry, disadvantaged young person who's targeting him

No advice really besides what others have said about keeping your DS indoors/in the garden or, at least, making sure you can see him at all times when he's playing outside - just wanted to offer some sympathy and to say YANBU imho Good luck!

its very confusing. Lets get it all together

Communal safe space - yes. Out on the street with cars - no.

So... are there cars then? I've not heard any mentioned.

knobbysEx - no you are not BU. Would everyone get off their bloody high horses and stop being so smug and judgmental... All the children are playing together on the green in front of the houses with OP (and presumably other parents) around either outside or watching from houses. This is presumably only for short periods of time in the day. This little thug is being a bully and needs to learn better behaviour, blah blah blah. If it were me I would be just as angry at the situation as OP and would also have called him a fuckwit. Anyone who's trying to read deeper into it needs to get a grip. People in glass houses.... would love to see your parenting day in, day out. Go and have a cup of gin tea.

Pagwatch wasn't judgemental

at Pagwatch keeping up third person Beyonce talk.

Pagwatch is talking about herself in the third person though