To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

Realy laquitar, 10 was prob an exaggeration but I have 5 people living in this house so have more than ten bags of crisps in the cupboard a week!

I think it really depends if they're eating their main meals. I make them healthy breakfasts, lunches and dinners. If thy eat them all I have no problems with them helping themselves to snacks of their choice outside of meals - with the proviso that if they eat all the available snack food before I do the next shop, then there won't be any left next time they're hungry! They'll police each other in that way, eg moan if one of them pinches all the crisps or biscuits etc - in that way, they'd rather I dictated so that one person doesn't hog the lot unfairly.

In practice, my ds (5) tends to fill up with junk too readily and then not eat his dinner - so I have been being strict about that. He needs to learn that a couple of biscuits or an ice cream or a yoghurt or some fruit is fine when he gets back from school - but that if he eats all of them then he won't have room for dinner, which matters because it's yummy and good for him.

I hope he internalises this soon, as I don't wish to disallow snacks or stop buying them...

gingergaskell - your DC are very little still. I hope they continue to maintain their "sensible portion control" but frankly I doubt they will. Once they start school, I'm pretty sure you might have to watch them a little more closely.

Happy to be proved wrong, but really, watch out.

My sister has 3 DDs. The oldest eats like a sparrow (out of choice), the middle one is a complete guts and eats twice as much as any of them and the youngest is a finicky PITA eater who doesn't like most things.
My sister doesn't havea free-range snacking policy, they have to ask - BUT she doesn't exercise portion control herself over their meals. So when I was back in the UK recently, I cooked dinner for us all and her middle DD (now 6) had a full portion of dinner and then asked for more - and was given another full portion. They all had a slice of cake for pudding (normal size slice) and my Dad said to her "never mind, you can have another one" - so doubling her pudding intake as well. This 6yo has gone from being a skinny minny (last summer) to having a definite belly - her legs and bum are still slim but now she has a roll of fat around her tummy, that the other two don't have. This is because she is greedy and allowed to get away with it (if it was just hunger for growing, she wouldn't have the fat roll).

My sister has noticed this but didn't know what to do about it, so I suggested she reduce her portions; but she also said that when she'd mentioned it to friends, they'd said "oh no, she's fine, don't worry". Well, she's NOT fine and my sister is right to worry - but it just shows that fatness in children is becoming normalised.