To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

I'm surprised how many people are happy for their kids to snack on fruit all day longer. Don't you worry about their teeth?

laquitar

It's not just about cost. Would you really want your young teenager eating endless cheese, toast, butter, and then refusing dinner?

If people self regulated and got bored of biscuits and things when they are always available then no-one would be obese. Adults can eat what they like and most of them are overweight - so I can't see the argument for letting kids self-regulate tbh. Some will show restraint but most won't! Lets face it cakes, biscuits, crisps etc taste good and if I had unlimited cash and it wouldn't make me fat and unhealthy I would stuff myself with them all day and I think most people would. As it is I don't have unlimited cash, I want to be healthy and vanity keeps me slim.

For myself, I go by the fact that if I am hungry for a chocolate biscuit but not a rich tea then I am not really hungry and don't need a snack.I use the same for a DC.

There is no real need to eat snacks anyway. They are a luxury. Nutritional needs can be quite easily met in 3 or 4 meals a day. I'm sure this is how many people were brought up in the 'old days' ie when there was less obesity.

vmcd28 Thu 07-Jul-11 11:55:17
Buttonmoon, it's easy to have meals as a family if you don't work or if your working hours fit in to mealtimes. I work til 7 or 8 pm - do you suggest my 6yo waits til 8.30pm to eat dinner?

As I said in my previous posts, we try to eat together but there are times when we can't. But the children (13, 11 & 4) will easily wait until 7 or 8 to eat if needs be. I don't normally make the little one wait that long but that's because on a school night he'll need to be in bed earlier.

minipie, i wouldn't mind if they had that (toast, cheese/ham s/w) sometimes and then refused dinner if they had a good lunch. I never had a proper cooked dinner until i came in uk aged 18. Many people in many countries have platter of cheese/salami/veg/fruit for tea.

But i wouldn't be happy with the crisps and choc.

I was made to ask for food, and it left me bingeing and overweight once I moved out! What's wrong with making sure your kids know about healthy eating and obesity, as well as making sure you don't keep enough chocolate biscuits in the house to warrant worrying about them eating too many?

Simply don't have choc biscuits, crisps etc in the house, except for special occasions, and you don't have a problem-noone needs them.

What is wrong with it bacchus is that it doesn't neccearily work. And it isn't only chocolate biscuits that make you fat.

And when you get them in for special occasions do you keep them for that or let the kids help themselves an scoff the lot?

Laquitar yes but what if they haven't had a good lunch (because it was school dinner and you've no idea what they ate).

and what if it isn't sometimes but it's all the time, so they never eat enough fruit or veg

and what if you're already in the middle of cooking dinner for the family

I know the occasional decision to have cheese and bread isn't going to kill anyone. But the point is that many older children/young teens would eat that all the time if they could. And that wouldn't be good for them. Which is why they're not allowed.

Loving the idea that most kids would say "I've had 2 chocolate biscuits now - that's my hunger satisfied - I'll just pop the rest back in the cupboard". What planet are these children from cos I've never met any like it!

Mine are supposed to ask - aged 8 and 10. Mainly because otherwise they have a habit of filling up just before a mealtime. if its going to be a while I tell them to go and help themselves. If they have been eating rubbish I tell them to fill up on fruit. Sometimes I say dinner will be in 15 mins you'll have to wait.

Now if the teenagers were doing the cooking and could control all of this perhaps you would let them have free rein. - but lets face it how likely is that?

When I get them in for special occasions they don't scoff the lot-they have been well trained. . No wonder we have an obesity problem if people think it acceptable to have more than one chocolate biscuit per day.

I'm genuinely curious as to how you would train a child not to take more than one without actually preventing them from doing so.

I do prevent them! Of course they will snack more than eat food meals. People do not need constant food.Eat a meal-forget it until the next.

Sorry meals-not food meals.

So it's ok to stop kids eating certain foods but not OK for them to have to ask if it's OK first

You just don't buy them in general and there isn't a problem.I don't ban anything, as teenagers they don't buy it themselves so they don't feel a lack. If I have special biscuits in they ask who is visiting. No one needs more than 2 biscuits a day at the very most.

I can't see how letting DCs help themselves sets up sensible eating patterns, I lead by example-DH and I don't snack so the DCs don't bother.They do as you do, not as you say. They can have fruit-what could possibly be nicer?

If I make them ask, it will be a never ending battle. I don't keep snack-type food at home - just buy small ammounts that get eaten straight away, and that's it.

I had to ask for food and drink when living with my parents. However my step mum used it as a form of control. She used to hide any "nice" food and keep it for her and and her dd. I was also only "allowed" one pack of sanitry towels per month so i was screwed as my AF has always been heavy.

I saw that kind of thing quite a lot wth my mates janedoe my best friend was from a "nice middle class family" and yet she was fed SO basically that she was always half starved.

There were 3 "meals" a day but they weren't sufficient for a teenager. I went there once for tea and the food was around half of what a normal serving should be...she was veyr thin.

I have known others where there was just never any food in the house...these were educated people with nice homes.

I wonder how common it is. Terrible reall...my friend still has problems with food.