To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

People must have unlimited money if they can go shopping and then have no idea how long it will last, because everyone is just helping themselves-it makes food shop planning impossible. If you don't want to have overweight DCs the only way I can see it working is never ever to buy crisps, biscuits, sweets etc in the first place, which seems a shame.

I have a great trick with the ice cream van. When he comes a tinkling DS always wants an ice cream. So I keep a box of them in the freezer. He never actually wants one most of the time.

It is about differentiating between hunger and just wanting to eat. So 11am when he's had breakfast at 7am and been out at the park - biscuits/ crisps OK IMO, but when its 9am and he's eaten cheese on toast at 8.30am then he can have fruit.

I don't know if expecting your kids to ask will make them over it when they are older, I doubt it the same as I don't think letting them help themselves will make them over eat later in life, I think that's down to the individual , however I buy the food, I know what's for pack lunches and what can be eaten in-between meals so I expect them to ask. In the same way when my teenager buys choc, sweets or anything else and puts them in the fridge I wouldn't dream of eating them without asking him first!

I don't know if expecting your kids to ask will make them over it when they are older, I doubt it the same as I don't think letting them help themselves will make them over eat later in life, I think that's down to the individual , however I buy the food, I know what's for pack lunches and what can be eaten in-between meals so I expect them to ask. In the same way when my teenager buys choc, sweets or anything else and puts them in the fridge I wouldn't dream of eating them without asking him first!

A good point lovesicecream, if mine put things they have bought into the fridge I wouldn't dreamof just helping myself without asking so I don't see why it is different the other way around.
If I have bought 15 yoghurts (for 5 people) I expect them to last 3 days at least ,so they can't have more than one a day. It makes the mother (if she is the one doing the shopping)into a general dogsbody if she can't plan the shopping and is having to do it all on the whim of what and when they feel like eating.

I think some of the people here must have a lot me money than us, we spend alot each week on food, I def couldn't afford for them to eat it all in the first few days

Especially in the present economic climate-supermarket prices seem to have leapt up, the best way to manage them is careful shopping- which you can't do if DCs are just helping themselves.

Having a memory-pang at the thought of the ice-cream van (which no doubt contributed to my extra weight as a child . No ice-cream vans ever tinkle round here, though there is always one parked right outside the school.

I absolutely agree with those who say there is not a right or wrong way regarding this or most parenting things really. :)

But in response to those who are amazed / wonder how a child can control their own food intake.
Mine do {refer my earlier post in this thread}. It's because that's what they are used to doing, I don't control things like portions or when they eat.

So if we bake cup cakes {to use an example} I put the whole plate of cupcakes {say 12} for them to take from.
With my son {currently 4} there was one time where he ate more than he should have at the time {I think it was 3 or 4 cakes} and he got a tummy ache. We talked about having too much sugar and how it can make you feel sick {and I did, to be fair, feel a bit awful at the time that I had 'let' him eat enough to make him feel sick!}. He has since worked out for himself what is a sensible amount to take, and understands that sugary things need to be taken in moderation, without me suggesting or portion controlling what that should be.
My daughter {currently 3} has never taken a whole lot. She will only eat about 1/2 a cup cake in a sitting at the moment.

So anyway, they don't eat too many simply because they don't have to, given there are no restrictions to make it desirable to get as many as you can while you have the chance.

I know some equate snacking all day with crisps / sweets etc.
I do 'control' my kids diet in that we only have healthy eating options in the house. {IE none of us, adults included, eat crisps / chocolates / sweets etc regularly at home}.
I have no issue with them having 'junk food', but we usually have them at parties, or while eating out, that sort of thing.
I don't dole them out as 'treats' or rewards, personally that doesn't sit well with me as a way to teach healthy eating at all.
At home it is mostly only the cakes and biscuits we bake that they eat, that is sweet.

With regards to eating fruit all day and decay, I do actually only offer juice as a drinking option for breakfast, since we clean our teeth straight after that, for that reason.
For pieces of fruit I don't have as much concern {dried fruit I would probably worry about in large amounts}
The types of snacks mine eat are plain crackers, fruit and vegetables, not just fruit. Other foods act as a cleaning process in some ways.

If it is about the cost and about buying 15 yoghurts to last 3 days then isn't it better to talk about this once, then involve them in budgeting/shopping/meal planning every week or so instead of micro managing them every 5 minutes? (i'm talking about teenagers, not small children).

There is no need to Laquitar if you have brought them up from babies not to help themselves and that no one should need to have more than one yoghurt a day. We have them for meals anyway-a yoghurt isn't a snack in our house-they are a pudding. I think that mine would much rather know what they could help themselves to than get involved in budgeting and meal planning-I can see their eye's glazing over as I write. By the time they are teenagers they know that you don't have more than one packet of crisps a day etc-they can't be expected to know when little.

My teenager is 6 foot 3 and would Hoover up every thing in sight , realy doesn't matter how many times he's been told he doesn't need more than one bag of crisps a day! I don't think most kids care about what is/ isn't good for them however much you tell them, most of the older kids I know want to eat as much of what they like when they like, the only thing that stops them is when they put some weight on , then they stop eating 10 bags of crisps a day, look in the fruit bowl and eat their veg without moaning

But where do they get the 10 bags of crisps a day from??

My two are 10 and 11. On a school day they arrive home starving, they know they can help themselves to the biscuit tin, but if they stuff themselves with too many biscuits and cant eat their tea they know I'll be cross.

Other than that they have to ask. My son, never asks, he's not that bothered about food, it's just fuel to him and eating time is a waste of play time in his eyes. My dd, would eat all day long if I let her.

My sister let's her teenage boys help themselves. They have been known to cook a packet of chicken breast as a snack. My sister was not pleased when she got in from work to discover that the evening meal she had planned was no longer possible as the chicken was gone.

Laguitar, it's about things like knowing whether the pot of plain yoghurt in the fridge was meant for a snack or for tonight's curry. Yes, they can be involved in the planning and shopping, but tbh what is the difference between discussing what the yoghurt is for during the shopping trip or doing it when you want it as a snack? Why is one more controlling than the other? Either way, what they can eat for snacks is ultimately going to be controlled by what we can afford. But they would find having to memorise a whole week's ingredients far more of a drag than a simple "Mum, were you planning to use that yoghurt for anything?"

I have 3 children aged 15,11 and 5 they all have to ask when they want a snack they can have fruit when ever they like,we've chosen to do this so that they're not constantly eating junk and they learn to eat a balance,varied diet.I was allowed to eat whenever and whatever I liked and 43 years later I'm still over weight and teaching myself about portion control and reconising when I'm hungry or just bored.I just want my children to be healthy and happy.

If they are just helping themselves it is quite possible that they will have more than one bag of crisps-I can quite easily see them having a morning, afternoon and evening one.

cory because it takes off the pressure of you having to memorise everything [lazy emotion]

aquos after 100s of posts, here comes your post: 2 kids with same mum and dad, same house rules, and each child have different attidutes to eating! Now the thread is getting even more complicated
I think someone earlier mentioned that you play by the ear depending on your children and family.

I know my situation is slightly unique (see earlier post if interested) but I do wonder why parents feel the need to let their children snack so much (not talking about sports-fit teens or home-from-school didn't eat their lunch half starved 7 year olds).

It's OK for children to feel hungry you know. I think as a society we've lost sight of that. We seem to think it's alright to eat constantly throughout the day - breakfast, mid-morning snacks, lunch, afternoon snack, tea and cake/biscuits, dinner, supper.

Sure eating every few hours can be a healthy option but not if you're eating 3 squares AND high-calorie high-fat snacks in between.

The obesity epidemic is a huge problem. We have lost sight of the norm and that's worrying. People nowadays seem to eat constantly and I think have lost the ability to listen to their bodies and recognise cues for hunger and thirst.

I think you're totally right, Sidge. I used to be hungry when I was younger quite often, and I waited until dinner. That was just the way it was. Now the second kids feel the tiniest bit of hunger they're rushing for the fridge.

(We both know the only thing one should eat between meals are Chee-tos )

Ohhh Cheetos don't count as they are one of the staple food groups

The way we work it is one person at a time is in charge of catering (because nobody enjoys trips to supermarket so seems no point in multiplying that by 4 every week). We take it in turns and everybody else checks with the person in charge. Dh has just gone down now, so if I feel like a snack later I will check what his plans are.

My little brother ate a pound of mince once, as a snack.

He's also been known to munch four chicken breasts in one sitting and eat food that my mum's left out to defrost for dinner.