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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but am prepared to be told I am if the MN Jury thinks so

477 replies

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:24

DD1 is 12, she is at her dad's this weekend, and has gone to her grandmother as they have a farm and it is silage time.

She has just sent me a picture of herself in overalls DRIVING A TRACTOR WITH A TRAILER ON IT

I have texted her and she is delighted to be allowed to cart the "near home" fields where she doesn't have to go on the road.

I am most displeased about this. I think it's dangerous and irresponsible.

But past conversations with ex when DS was this age did not go well, as he cannot see the problem nor can his family. They all did it at that age.

So, oh MN July, AIBU to think she's too young, it's too much responsibility and far too dangerous?

OP posts:
startail · 03/07/2011 02:21

Sorry, touch screens have a mind of there own.
I'm not surprised you are nervous I would be, but all my farming friends could drive long before they were 17. I was reallyEnvy all I got to do was a bit of clandestine driving on very quiet public roads. Most memorably nearly hitting a bridge steering sitting on my Dad's knee.
Yes nasty accidents happen with farm vehicles, but I know of a child killed on their own drive and lots of children round here ride and sadly a young girl was killed recently.

PastyKensit · 03/07/2011 02:41

YANBU. Bloody madness.

ChessPiece · 03/07/2011 02:53

It all sounds great fun...until it goes wrong Sad I'm a bit shocked she's unsupervised.

I had an ex-boyfriend who lost fingers on a baler when he was helping out at a friend's farm when he was 17. The safety mechansim wasn't engaged or something. I think sometimes safety can be overlooked on your home patch and risk isn't objectively assessed.

YADNBU

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 05:18

Yes I am Irish. Yes the ex is controlling (but that's only my opinion, he doesn't think so) and duchesse - her dad isn't there, he hasn't issued her with anything more than a pair of wellies because he was off playing cricket.

I know that 99.9999999% of the time it will be fine. I know she's responsible and not prone to mucking around. I know it's on private land. Didn't know it was illegal Gnome - and fwiw the yard tractor is in showroom condition, it really is mint, they use it for old thyme tractor rallies. It is pristine.

As to me arguing against it, as I've said, I've been there before when it was DS and I have no chance. He used to drive the jeep aged 7 around the farm and he was so small you couldn't see him and it looked like one a James Bond-esque jeep with no driver coming up the yard. Anything I try to say is just shouted down and belittled because I am not of a farming background.

Like I said, I won't stop it, I can't, it's her dad's access weekend and it's his call what he does with them, where it takes them. The whole can of worms that opens is a different thread - personally I don't see the point of an access weekend to see your kids if you just dump them with your mother. And it's second level local cricket we're talking about - it's not the fucking Ashes.

And if it wasn't cricket it would be something else. But I have to do the right thing and let them see him, even though they don't really see him. And I have to suck it up that it's great fun and isn't it brilliant that she can drive. I have no say and no control over it. I could report them, but it's kind of academic - she's 13 in the autumn, once she would be 13 then she can do it anyway so I don't think there's much to be gained.

OP posts:
mumblebum · 03/07/2011 05:41

YANBU I'm not from a farming background but grew up in a rural community and the number of people who had serious accidents was shocking. Loads of limps and damaged arms from the machinery. One boy permanently paralysed after an accident with a quad (you are so right about those). I think what worries me most is her being unsupervised. Not sure what you can do though.

iscream · 03/07/2011 05:46

I would not allow it.

Here is something about keeping children safe on farms.
www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/as10.pdf

iscream · 03/07/2011 05:47

Oh, forgot to say yanbu :)

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 05:49

I can't do anything about it mumblechum. Been there, done that with DS and I know it's a battle I can't win. I am still thinking it all over (hayfever woke me early) and I still think it just doesn't sit easy with me for her to be doing it (wasn't at all happy about DS doing it either but row after row after row didn't help - but that wasn't unusual my views didn't get given much credence by the now ex)

DS was there, as were both BIL and I assume a couple of others - but everyone had their own jobs to do, so no one will have been supervising her, or in the cab of the tractor with her.

To put it another way, how many of you would be happy to let a 12 year old drive an articulated lorry around farm tracks unsupervised? This isn't playing in the yard on the mower with granny keeping an eye out the window or anything, it's driving a big piece of machinery along tracks for a fair distance and then around a field.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 06:00

Thanks Iscream I wish it would make a difference but it won't.

The thing is, they just won't think it applies to them. Like the laws of the road don't apply when DS was 14 and carting all the fields on the roads and everything. They're country roads, you see, and everyone knows it's silage time and the job has to be done, so the normal laws of the land are suspended for the duration. Didn't you know that Wink?

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 06:29

copy that leaflet to them and point at teh bottom of page 4 specifically which says that children under 13 aren't allowed to drive a tractor (etc)

My first question to your post was presumably it is legal (which it now appears it isn't) and that she is covered by insurance - which she won't be as it is illegal for her to be driving the tractor....

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 06:33

Also see page 12. When she is 13 she can drive the tractor but only in certain circumstances. DOes the trailer she was towing fall into any of the catagories they have listed on page 12?

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 06:35

I am refering to this leafle www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/as10.pdf as per
iscream's post

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 06:39

I'm in Ireland though, so the rules will be different ?

Also, I appreciate what you are all saying, but it will make no difference. The only answer would be to stop her dad having her at the weekends so she couldnt' go to the farm. They just won't listen.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 06:40

BTW I wouldn't stop her dad having her at the weekends, in case anyone jumps on that comment, it's merely to say that if I wanted to stop her driving tractors the only answer would be to never let her dad have her for access, as he goes to the farm (or drops the kids there) every weekend he has them.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/07/2011 09:28

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 09:29

Swallowed - there will be at least one more cut this year, if not two. I have her from Monday so she won't be finishing this cut.

All the people who have said "I wouldn't have it" - Can you tell me what to do to stop it? I can't see how I can (and believe me I tried with DS)

Short of deny my ex access how do I stop it?

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 09:33

You find out what the equivalent law is in Ireland and then call the health and safety executive if they are breaking it. That would get the only way to get it stopped of you have tried talking and it doesn't work.
It doesn't sound like you are prepared to do that though... so what do you want us to suggest you do?

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 09:35

Just googled very fast and it says the law is 14 for a child to drive a tractor in Ireland...
www.fbd.ie/insurance/farm/farm-safety/

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 09:37

I just wanted a range of opinions and to find out if I was BU in that I personally think it's dangerous.

I suppose the verdict is split - some people would be happy with it, some wouldn't, so it hasn't quite been as helpful as I thought it might be Grin

The bottom line is, I can't stop it without stopping her access to her dad. When I tried to stop it with DS, I failed miserably and I looked like a prat and lost authority in front of DS - so I'm not going to make that mistake again.

It's not that much, I suppose, 3 or 4 days 3 times a year and only if it happens to fall on her dad's weekend so I am (reluctantly) going to have to suck it up.

I genuinely feel conflicted and like I have no options - and as for going to health and safety - wouldn't make a difference. They would lie, or say the right things when the health and safety person was there and carry on regardless.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/07/2011 09:40

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gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 09:43

www.ifa.ie/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=Oui9HZwRfCY%3d&tabid=1077
Page 8 for tractors....

The code of coduct with the Health and Safety Authority in Ireland states that she must be over 14. That is not being followed.

It is up to you if you choose to ignore that or bring it to the attention of her father and grandparents (and if they ignore it the HSA to action if they see fit). If she had an accident and you hadn't brought it to their attention that you object (being her dad and grandparents) you couldn't then say you had done everything you could to prevent it.

So do what you need to do, or accept that you don't like it but aren't prepared to do anything to prevent it.

Animation · 03/07/2011 09:44

Lucky girl - these will be lovely memories for her!

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 09:45

Swallowed - you saw it right. Smile

But realistically, with DS when I said he couldn't cart because it was driving on the ROAD underage and I wouldn't allow him to go, his Gran or Grandpa just lifted him from school on the Friday and I didn't get a say in the matter.

(me and ex were still married at this point)

I went down to get him returned, was told I was being ridiculous and they wouldn't tell me what field he was in, I was making a show of myself etc etc etc. I waited til he came to get his cup of tea, said I want a word in private, MIL went batshit and yelled and bawled and all of the 12 people round the table piled in and told me I was being paranoid. He was 14, bigger than me, I could not physically lift him like a 3 year old and put him in the car. He wanted to be there.

I felt totally humiliated. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 09:47

Gilly - I will print the leaflet out and give it to her Dad and ask (again) that he not let her drive or be on the tractors. I will also email a link to BIL and ask (again) that he not let her drive or be on the tractors.

Health and Safety - I don't know. I will stew on that one for a day or two.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/07/2011 09:50

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