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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but am prepared to be told I am if the MN Jury thinks so

477 replies

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:24

DD1 is 12, she is at her dad's this weekend, and has gone to her grandmother as they have a farm and it is silage time.

She has just sent me a picture of herself in overalls DRIVING A TRACTOR WITH A TRAILER ON IT

I have texted her and she is delighted to be allowed to cart the "near home" fields where she doesn't have to go on the road.

I am most displeased about this. I think it's dangerous and irresponsible.

But past conversations with ex when DS was this age did not go well, as he cannot see the problem nor can his family. They all did it at that age.

So, oh MN July, AIBU to think she's too young, it's too much responsibility and far too dangerous?

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 22:46

The two wee boys who call every morning to walk to school with her certainly think so Wink

Seriously though, yes in principle I think it's a good thing to encourage independence and responsibility and she does do dangerous sports (horse riding as an example)

But she looks so small against that great big tractor (I know IABU a bit btw but I'm her mummy I'm supposed to worry, right?)

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 02/07/2011 22:54

I'm sure that she is being supervised.I think most farming families do it-most people don't have the space-sounds great.

GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2011 22:55

OP you are not being unreasonable but for some reason your thread has turned into FarmersNet with people saying that 'it never did them any harm' and 'it will make a man of your daughter'.

It isnt the fact that your daughter looks small against the tractor that is the problem. The issue is that your daughter simply should not be driving the tractor. This is how people die or are seriously injured on farms every week. Every time a serious accident happens everyone stands around mithering on about what a shame. Do you really want your daughter to join the statistics?

Your DH and his family are behaving like fools. In no other situation but on a farm would anyone consider this acceptable.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 22:55

Oh I'm sure they're keeping an eye on her, but she's still on her own in the tractor iyswim?

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2011 22:57

Yeah right, the family will be a fat lot of good if your daughter gets into difficulties.

TidyDancer · 02/07/2011 22:59

I really don't think YABU. Sure, it's not the worst thing in the world for her to be allowed to do this, but I certainly would not be happy if a child of mine was allowed to do this at such a young age.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:01

Gnome - that's what I was trying to say. When DS slid with the slurry cart on, he slid down a field and got layered at the bottom of the slope. He couldn't phone for help there was no mobile signal, he couldn't walk to his grandparents as it was a far away field and he didn't think (because he was only a teenager) to go to the next house and ask to use the phone.

He could have been killed - the whole thing could have tipped over and crushed him in the cab.

But I tried to stop DS doing it, and failed, and it's very common in farming families and I won't be able to stop it with DD.

As I said, it's different with the lawnmower or the jeep or the wee yard tractor if she's scraping the yard or going for the cows, I can cope with that better, but that is a fucking huge hulk of machine for a 12 year old to be in charge of.

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 02/07/2011 23:02

Undecided.

On the one hand she's probably thrilled to be doing this and it is pretty cool to be doing something that not many children get to do at her age.

On the other hand you read about farming accidents and experienced farmers falling of tractors and under the wheels etc, so it would terrify me to know my LO had been doing it (although he is only 2 at the moment so I doubt hope nobody would let him.)

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:03

And to all of you who think IABU to be concerned and it's all good fun, look at your DC's whatever age they are. Even if they're only babies. Then look at the photo on my profile. She is my baby. In my head she's still my baby.

Blush
OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:04

takethisonehere - I feel a bit like that. I know she's enjoying it, and the responsibility, but it's dangerous (I think).

I don't mind her milking, doing the chickens, feeding the calves, so it's not as if I want to wrap her totally in cotton wool

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2011 23:17

On a farm it all seems perfectly normal. It's home and everyone knows that home is safe.

The problem is that in this case home is also a factory. No one with any sense would consider it acceptable for a 12 year old to play with the fork lift trucks in a factory yard.

It is this habit by farmers of ignoring the dangers which causes the problems. It's all a laugh and good experience until an accident happens. Then the family will stand around saying it's all a terrible tragedy and straight afterwards it will be back to the same old risk taking.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:21

That is a good point gnome

OP posts:
BoosMaw · 02/07/2011 23:30

I think on balance it will be a great experience for her. I drove tractors younger than that [bumpkin emoticon]. I still remember it fondly, feeling so grown up.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:32

Boos - she's been driving the tractors since her feet could reach the pedals, and was steering long before that Blush this is just the first time she's had a trailer on and carted.

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 02/07/2011 23:39

I'm with Gnome de Plume on this one.

Admittedly not from a rural family but a basic risk assessment suggests it's a bad idea. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my DD was doing something similar.

Maryz · 02/07/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 23:49

Tried the kicking up a fuss 10 years ago with DS. I lost. The only battle I won was the quad one - they don't go on the farm quad at all under any circumstances ever. And if I find out they were on it I will stop them going to the farm - too many kids have been killed/injured on quads.

Ex was all against me on it, til we went to a friend's house when DS was about 12 or 13 and her boys were older, and he saw how they behaved on the quads and how fast they could go. Might as well put them on a motorbike

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 03/07/2011 00:06

OP have you read through this?

www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/as10.pdf

Has your ex read it?

There is such a cavalier attitude in farming. Adults can take their own risks and more fool them but a 12 year old does not have the knowledge, experience or judgement to assess the risks.

GnomeDePlume · 03/07/2011 00:23

And just to quote from that:

'No child under 13 may drive a tractor or other agricultural vehicle.'

Seems clear enough to me. No caveats, no foot notes.

Isnt the yard tractor the crap one which doesnt go on the road cos its brakes dont work properly so it cant go on the road?

Sorry, your ex is a pillock, a fool, a moron. YANBU.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 03/07/2011 00:29

Fuckme, are you Irish?

duchesse · 03/07/2011 00:33

I still remember our neighbour's 5yo DD driving the tractor during hay season up and down the field as she was the only one available (everyone else piling hay on the trailer). Her dad jumped on as the tractor neared the end of the field, turned the tractor and jumped off again, she just had to keep it going in a straight line. It was the 70s, I guess children were a lot more responsible back then. Or something.

In your DD's case, it depends how she is. Loads of farm children drive heavy machinery. I didn't know about the laws on agricultural vehicles and the under 13s, but many children younger than 13 do drive on farms. It's simply a fact of farm life. As long as her father has issued all relevant safety info, and is close on hand and your DD is mature enough not to mess around, I don't see a problem frankly., I do think me might have consulted you first but tbh dads often don't before letting their DC do something like this. I've always taken the view that children need one cautious and one bold parent.

Inertia · 03/07/2011 00:57

Op YANBU. In fact I would be tempted to go and fetch her home, so I'd be far more PFB about it.

Am astounded at all the posts about great experience, family won't let her come to harm. she is a 12 year old child driving a tractor and trailer unsupervised. Nobody is ensuring she is safe, nobody is following her or with her. Her father buggered off to play cricket, he won't even know if she ends up under the tractor. These are industrial vehicles; it's not Toytown.

If the family is not following the law and won't listen to your concerns, could you report them to HSE?

Are you the same poster whose ex was being hugely controlling about returning uniform, coats etc BTW?

MelinaM · 03/07/2011 01:56

Well I'm astounded that the vast majority of posters don't see anything wrong with this! Shock

I'm with Gnome on this one, your in laws are clearly breaking the law, time to put a stop to it now.
What if something were to happen to your DD, and you hadn't gone with your gut instinct? No, your her mummy, what you say goes! Smile

A relative of mine was badly injured when a tractor rolled (no trailer), these things do happen, and happen more often than we hear about. Farms are extremely dangerous environments!

YANBU!!!!

GnomeDePlume · 03/07/2011 02:07

I think a huge issue is that no one dare gainsay the farming community for fear of being accused of being 'townies'. I dont give a tinker's cuss. Call me a townie if you want. What I can see here is a disgraceful attitude to a child's safety.

The laws exist because parents farmers cant be trusted to act responsibly.

startail · 03/07/2011 02:09

J