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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but am prepared to be told I am if the MN Jury thinks so

477 replies

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:24

DD1 is 12, she is at her dad's this weekend, and has gone to her grandmother as they have a farm and it is silage time.

She has just sent me a picture of herself in overalls DRIVING A TRACTOR WITH A TRAILER ON IT

I have texted her and she is delighted to be allowed to cart the "near home" fields where she doesn't have to go on the road.

I am most displeased about this. I think it's dangerous and irresponsible.

But past conversations with ex when DS was this age did not go well, as he cannot see the problem nor can his family. They all did it at that age.

So, oh MN July, AIBU to think she's too young, it's too much responsibility and far too dangerous?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 02/07/2011 16:44

Shock - I'll bet he wasn't exactly flavour of the month!!

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:44

She's getting half the rate of "the men" because she can't cart so far. She thinks she's going to be loaded Grin

DD2 is getting the same for helping granny with the baking and the "tea for the men"

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:45

Salmotrutta - they were, to give them credit, only worried that he could have been hurt and my ex-MIL went ballistic at FIL and BIL for sending him to that field (it was on a steep hill)

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 02/07/2011 16:46

Oh they will be so delighted with their earnings - I remember what that felt like at that age! Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/07/2011 16:46

OP... You said you thought it 'dangerous and irresponsible'. So, had the 'jury' said differently, would you have shrugged your shoulders and accepted that DD would carry on on the farm or would you have used that verdict to challenge your ex?

Yes, she's at ex-BIL's farm but she's there on the say-so of her dad. To be honest, I think there are a lot of mothers who feel they have 'ownership' almost of the child(ren) and therefore the upper hand and the overall right to say what is and isn't ok and I'm not ok with that. Sorry if I'm being unfair to you, OP, this could all just be a pleasant discussion thread and I'm reading too much into it.

worraliberty · 02/07/2011 16:47

£35 for getting the tea together? Shock

Tell her I'm on my way and I'm undercutting by a tenner Grin

GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2011 16:49

YANBU, your ex is being a complete pillock. One of the reasons that farming is THE most dangerous industry in Britain is that families cant see the problem.

A direct quote from HSE:

"The most common cause of serious and fatal injuries in agriculture involves moving and overturning vehicles."

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:50

Lying - I genuinely just wanted to know if other MNetters thought it was dangerous and irresponsible - verdict is no it's not [girn]

DS is much older and I had this discussion when he was this age and I didn't win it, so I have no intention of stopping it, all I wanted to know was if my personal gut feeling that she's too young and it's too much responsibility was wrong. I would never have stopped it, I have no intention of stopping it and I didn't stop it - even when it was DS I didn't stop it, I merely expressed my disquiet to my ex. But it's his family, his background and his judgement call.

Partly, I am scared because of various accidents that have happened around farms, not specifically their farm but some relating to their farm - DS and the silage trailer, numerous run over animals, accidents with fence posts, gates that sort of thing.

But it seems like I'm just an uptight townie about these things Wink

OP posts:
PanicMode · 02/07/2011 16:50

I used to drive tractors/cars/go karts around the place when I was about that age - I don't think it's that dangerous as long as she's being supervised.

My children drove a 7 tonne digger a few weeks ago (obviously under close supervision as they are only 7 and 5, but they thought it was fantastic!)

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:51

And a wee boy in her class at school was run over by his dad when he was 5 and the dad was carting silage at the time - he was reversing, didn't see the youngster who had run out to jump on with him and he went over the top of him and crushed him.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 02/07/2011 16:52

in that case, i'd say it was a heck of a lot safer for her to be on the tractor!

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:55

Nickel - true, I'm trying to find the link to the case but it was 6 or 7 years ago so I can't find it on google.

But I am just not used to tractors and stuff so it's probably me.

Says it all that her cousin (who is a year younger) isn't allowed even at the farm at silage time as her mother is so uptight about it after accidents - other BIL rolled a JCB off the silo and that put the end to the cousins being allowed up if there was work on.

OP posts:
joaninha · 02/07/2011 16:57

I don't think you have anything to worry about. The family obviously have confidence in her abilities and this will be such an ego-boost for her. I would have loved to have done something similar when I was her age.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/07/2011 16:57

OP... If you have a fairly good relationship with your ex and his family, could you not just have a word with them about YOUR fears. Make it quite clear that you wouldn't be interfering in any way, just that you worry. I'm sure they would understand that and be happy to explain the supervision, activities being carried out and so on? If it's non-confrontational and purely about your own fears then I'm sure they'd be happy to oblige.

That's what I'd do anyway.

There are more injuries and fatalities in the recycling industry than any other.

maypole1 · 02/07/2011 16:57

I really cannot see the issue kids are two wrapped up these days

Well done your dds dad excellent life experience

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:59

And on another thread - 12yo DD being scouted by a model agency, me I've got a 12yo DD on a tractor covered in muck Grin

OP posts:
slovenlydotcom · 02/07/2011 17:07

I know it's scary, but in my opinion your dd's childhood is preferable to a potential models!!! Give yourself a pat on the back for being a brave mum and not freaking out.

GnomeDePlume · 02/07/2011 17:09

Hell's teeth people

FARMS ARE DANGEROUS PLACES BECAUSE FARMERS CHOOSE TO IGNORE THE RSKS

HSE identify the agricultural industry as the most dangerous in Britain.

OPs DD is not dancing round a maypole or engaging in some other cute country pursuit. She is operating a large piece of machinery without having been properly trained or having the experience to deal with it. This is another tragic headline waiting to happen.

If my DH exposed my DD to similar risks I would be apopleptic with rage yet for some insane reason MN thinks this is okay.

I despair.

Tortington · 02/07/2011 17:09

yabu v. u.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 17:11

If I could work out how to get pics off my phone I would put the pic she sent up so you could see her size relative to the tractor

OP posts:
handsomeharry · 02/07/2011 17:14

OP - your DD is with her father and therefore in his care.

What difference would it make if you showed MN photos? It won't change what is happening.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 17:16

handsomeharry - true about the photos - won't change what is happening.

FWIW her dad isn't there he's playing cricket.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 17:16

I think the pic should be viewable on my profile?

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 17:23

I should add I don't have a problem with her plootering about on the wee yard tractor (which is a Massey 135 for anyone who knows about tractors) or driving the lawnmower or even the jeep.

The silage carting just doesn't sit easy with me Sad but the verdict is IABU. I never had any intention of saying anything anyway - I just wanted to know what the MN collective thought was.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/07/2011 17:25

OP... Tanks are big. They are bigger than your daughter. Would you be happy if she was in one of those?

Get her some fleeces, lots of them, each one the next size up... that's the closest you'll get to cotton wool.

Stop worrying so... Grin

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