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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but am prepared to be told I am if the MN Jury thinks so

477 replies

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 02/07/2011 16:24

DD1 is 12, she is at her dad's this weekend, and has gone to her grandmother as they have a farm and it is silage time.

She has just sent me a picture of herself in overalls DRIVING A TRACTOR WITH A TRAILER ON IT

I have texted her and she is delighted to be allowed to cart the "near home" fields where she doesn't have to go on the road.

I am most displeased about this. I think it's dangerous and irresponsible.

But past conversations with ex when DS was this age did not go well, as he cannot see the problem nor can his family. They all did it at that age.

So, oh MN July, AIBU to think she's too young, it's too much responsibility and far too dangerous?

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 09:53

Swallowed - none at all. Never had. Never will. And that is one of the "milder" incidents Sad

OP posts:
Eve · 03/07/2011 09:54

Duchesse,

That was me steering tractor along the hay bales when I was 5 with my dad turning corners for me.. Smile

Happy days, the slightly burnt legs scratched to pieces by hay.

Problem with harvesting silage & hay it's all hands on deck & risks aren't thought through.

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 09:56

That seems like a good first step. Hopefully they will realise they need to follow the guidelines.

If you are wanting action on this, and the above doesn't have any effect I would think it is worth getting a solicitor to write a letter expressly stating that they are breaking the code of conduct and you object to it on those grounds. Get it sent recorded delivery so they can't say they didn't get it. That may be enough to get them to deal with it.

Show your dd the guidelines too and explain that it is against the law and that you wouldn't let her drive a car on the road without a license and you can't allow this law to be broken either. Say that her dad and BIL weren't aware either, but they are now, and that everyone must also follow the guidelines.
Hopefully she will see that your hands are tied and that she just has to wait a year and a bit more...

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:00

The only way I could guarantee it wouldn't happen is to stop her seeing her dad. They will lie and they will encourage her to lie to me (your mum is such a spoilsport she's spoiling your fun dont worry we did this with dad and uncles and ds and it's all fine what does mummy know she's stupid she doesn't know about farming)

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:01

They genuinely don't think the laws of the land apply to them. In lots of areas, not just this one. But they pick and choose the laws they obey. Massive sense of entitlement.

OP posts:
saltyseadog · 03/07/2011 10:03

YABU. I still want a tractor to drive and I'm in my 30s. Let her enjoy it.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:06

Salty - I didnt' say I would stop it

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:06

Oh and since you're in your 30's its legal for you to drive a tractor. It isn't for her.

OP posts:
Animation · 03/07/2011 10:07

"Let her enjoy it."

Hear hear. She seems happy.

Vicky2011 · 03/07/2011 10:07

I've been really surprised by the responses to this thread. This family are breaking the law (in both Ireland and the UK) in relation to her DD's safety and OP is being made to feel she is being unreasonable! Really struggling to envisage other circumstances where this would be the view.

Now I'm not sure what the OP can actually do about it as the family sound very controlling. Probably if it were me I would act as if I had no concerns to the family and to DD whilst ensuring that the Irish HSE were informed anonymously. The list of previous accidents at the farm speaks volumes. :(

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 10:09

So those of you saying let her do it - are you still saying that now knowing that the guidelines say a child must be 14 and older in Ireland to be able to drive a tractor -and then has to have training and be supervised from 14-16? Or are you still saying just let her do it regardless...?

Would you say the same if this child was driving a car and her dad wasn't following the law re at what age she can do that at...?

Animation · 03/07/2011 10:11

"I have texted her and she is delighted to be allowed to cart the "near home" fields where she doesn't have to go on the road"

The kid is clearly "delighted". This is what families do on farms and if she enjoys it - this has got to be good for her.

begonyabampot · 03/07/2011 10:13

I'm surprised too with the general reaction as i have read about how farming is a very dangerous industry. I had a friend who lost his thumb cutting at 17yrs when using cutting machinery on his own. He had to get in the car and drive home to the farmhouse with no thumb. Serious accidents are quite common, sometimes involving children.

I can understand it's appeal and that is it fun but I would still worry if that was my child though don't know how I would handle it TBH as I realise it is also a great experience for her. i doubt if all the posters here supporting this and saying what a lark would realyl be so flippant about it if it was their 12 yr old.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:14

Good points.

Would it be different if she were on the road? If so, why? Would it be different if it was a car? If so, why?

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/07/2011 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gillybean2 · 03/07/2011 10:15

My ds would be delighted to be allowed to drive a car. That doesn't mean he is old enough in law to do it. Should I just ignore the regulations, and the safety of him and others, because he would be delighted...?

If the OP was here saying 'My ex let my dd drive a tractor, even though she's not old enough in law, and she was injured/killed' would you be saying 'oh well she had fun so that's all that matters....'

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:16

She's 12. Of course she's delighted, she feels grown up. Not arguing that. But at 12, is she old enough to make decisions about stuff like that? Suppose it was a nightclub she wanted to go to? Sure, its illegal, but it'd be fun for her Hmm?

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:18

What if I was on here saying my ex lets my 12 year old go to a nightclub and drink alcohol with his brother. But it's only 3 or 4 times a year. AIBU to feel uneasy about it. That's illegal.

OP posts:
Animation · 03/07/2011 10:20

I think it also depends if she a mature 12 year old and how tall she is?

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:22

She's 5ft2 and mature and sensible. So the actual law doesn't matter then?

OP posts:
Animation · 03/07/2011 10:37

Are the guidelines in Britain - 14 years old?

I was fortunate to have grandparents with a farm - it was nice childhood experience. The general code was that everyone mucks in, including the kids, according to their strength and capabilities. I should imagine that way of thinking still goes on - as farms are not policed as such.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:42

Ireland Animation, so 14 is the legal age. In the UK it's 13. And that's even to be ON a tractor.

OP posts:
Animation · 03/07/2011 10:55

OP I guess you have to decide.

I think I would be OK with it.

Original poster
fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran · 03/07/2011 10:57

I can't stop it iyswim, other than to stop access to her father which isn't the right thing to do, but I don't know what I'm going to do re the Health and Safety aspect - may phone or may not, as I said I'm going to sit on that one and think it over.

OP posts:
saltyseadog · 03/07/2011 10:59

Agree with Animation. If it really worries you of course put a stop to it (and if I was worried about my dc's safety then I wouldn't give a seconds thought as to what ex or his family thought of me as a result).
However, if it were my ds I really wouldn't mind.