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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some split up families have it easy?

188 replies

24seven · 02/07/2011 13:07

Some families that I know seem to have their cake and eat it.I know it must be hard living alone all the time but my DH works away all week so I am on my own with 3 kids, with no respite. The families I know share childcare in the week and have the DC only every other weekend so that means they have a social life - no worrying about babysitters twice a week and every other weekend free to do what they want. 2 of these women have new partners so their not sad and lonely.

And I think the kids are spoiled with material things too.

OP posts:
MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:15

It is neutral. Just sayin'

Tortington · 02/07/2011 17:15

in fact this thread is just bullshit wind up trollery

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2011 17:16

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MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:17

? eh What was loaded?

maypole1 · 02/07/2011 17:18

I used to be a single mum but Biscuit

joaninha · 02/07/2011 17:19

Is this the part where I, as a single mother, am supposed to justify my existence by cataloging all the ways in which my life as an SP have been so hard? Cos I can if you want me to.....!

Or am I just allowed to be happy as a SM, guilt-free in the knowledge that I'm doing an ok job of bringing up DS.

Or would you like us all to be shunted off to the workhouse like in the good ole days?

Hatesponge · 02/07/2011 17:20

I chose to separate from my Ex. Not much of a choice tbh, because he was an abusive arsehole who put me through the most miserable 8 years of my life.

Do I miss being in what passed for a relationship with him: No

Was my life, in financial and practical terms, easier when I was with him? Yes, undoubtedly.

MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:20

Not loaded at all. Just saying that not all women are "left". In our case, it was her who "left" and dh was the one who was the one to cry for his lost child. She had a supporting new partner, and DH having his son on weekends gave her every weekend free. DH was always there. (not physically if you know what I mean). Just giving another side.

xstitch · 02/07/2011 17:21

You know you are right some single mus do make the decision to separate. They find it preferable to having the crap beaten out of them every other night or being raped or being continually cheated on or for a multitude of other reasons. However it is rarely that they decide they just fancy being a single mum.

MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:22

Some leave a partnership because they have found someone else (like in our case)

xstitch · 02/07/2011 17:23

So that means all single mums deserve a bashing then do they mrskravitz

MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:24

I havent bashed single mums at all

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2011 17:25

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swallowedAfly · 02/07/2011 17:27

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Hatesponge · 02/07/2011 17:28

Mrskravitz, if your DH was still having his son on weekends he'd hardly lost his child had he? Or am I missing something? Yes he 'lost' the week with him but he still had the weekends. His ex-w was in the opposite position, and of course 'lost' her weekends with their DS.

As a working LP, I don't see much of my DC during the week, weekends are therefore really important to me. Which makes it all the harder I have to allow their father to see them alternate weekends. Originally he wanted them every weekend. So I got to do all the weekday running around, the chasing for school, getting them up early, hassling them about homework, and he got to take them out and have fun. He was very surprised when I wouldn't agree to that.

DogsBestFriend · 02/07/2011 17:29

Taking on board that you've apologised repeatedly for offending, 24seven - and boy, yes offend you have - I'd nonetheless like to explain a thing or two.

I have 2 children. I've been on my own with them since the younger was 7 weeks old. Prior to this my then husband walked in and out of our lives often. There are just 19 months in age difference between my children. My ex has taken them out twice and had them to stay at his house for one night. He wasn't even willing to help when I was diagnosed with cancer and having surgery and treatment. He now sees nothing of my younger child and may see my elder for half an hour a month if she's lucky. He pays £10 per week "maintenance". I have no support whatsoever, no-one to care for my DC if I'm ill much less wanted a night out and I've not had a holiday since before the DC were born.

My children are 14 and 16 years of age.

Yeah, we lone parents and our children, we have it really easy. Hmm

PrettyMeerkat · 02/07/2011 17:29

Haven't read the whole thread but although provocative I can see what the OP is getting at.

When I was really struggling with depression I used to envy a friend who shared custody of her child as she would get a break and I really needed one! Doesn't mean her life was easier or anything but she got THAT BREAK that I was desperate for.

bonkers20 · 02/07/2011 17:34

Oh yes. My sister just relishes the time she has on her own knowing that her ex's tart is putting HER darling daughters to bed. Fortunately she is a very strong woman and DOES make sure she keeps herself busy and surrounds herself with people who love her, but I really think she'd rather not have had her young family torn apart.

Maybe if a split is mutual both parties might be happy with the new set-up, but I imagine alot of blathering on about how lovely it is to have a w/e to themselves is bravado.

frazzle26 · 02/07/2011 17:34

Your post is so utterly ridiculous OP. You seem to see yourself as on a par with a single parent when you aren't at all. You have a man on the end of the phone who loves you and is supportive even if he isn't there. Unless you have felt the crushing lonlieness of being a single parent then I don't think that you can try and make out that you have it so hard.

Hatesponge · 02/07/2011 17:35

swallowedafly Grin

My Ex's girlfriend hates me mainly because I had the cheek to make Ex move out of our house so I could live there with our DC, thereby spoiling her plan to move herself and her 3 kids in.

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2011 17:37

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ledkr · 02/07/2011 17:39

mrs kravitz i dont think you have bashed single parents btw,but just wanted you to know that partners of people who already have children all have to suck it a bit. My dh has brought up my daughter financially and practically,had to go on child friendly holidays whilst her father lived it up in the caribean,has to have his weekend intruded upon by exh turning up to see her and just sitting there boasting. He sees to the older dc's too,for example helping them to move house,join the army and and put up shelves iyswim.If you marry someone who already has children there are always going to be issues.

handsomeharry · 02/07/2011 17:40

My ex and his wife both hate me with a passion. I like to think of it as their hobby. Grin

They keep a file on me and put all written notes and detailed notes of conversations in it. Shock

They never actually do anything with the file but I like to think of them chuntering in outrage over it on a cold winter's evening.

Kayzr · 02/07/2011 17:40

Not read all the thread but YABU!!!!!

Your DH works away all week. My DP works away for 5 weeks. Yes my boys stay with their Dad every other weekend but the time between splitting up with XH and getting with DP were the hardest times of my life. I had to do everything. I had to work while my best friend looked after the boys because their Dad refused unless I paid him. I had to get up every night one of them was ill, DS2 has always woken up before 6am.

If you think they have it easy then you have no idea at all!!!

MrsKravitz · 02/07/2011 17:41

In dont think my dh's ex is a bitch at all. We get on very well.

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