to think that some split up families have it easy?

[24seven]

Some families that I know seem to have their cake and eat it.I know it must be hard living alone all the time but my DH works away all week so I am on my own with 3 kids, with no respite. The families I know share childcare in the week and have the DC only every other weekend so that means they have a social life - no worrying about babysitters twice a week and every other weekend free to do what they want. 2 of these women have new partners so their not sad and lonely.

And I think the kids are spoiled with material things too.

I was agreeing with the OP

sorry I know you were - x posting. Read thread and then took me a while to post that!

:)

mrs kravitz you and your dh are the good guys,some my ex has never had our children for longer than a few hrs,not even when i was in hospital and cant even take them to his house cos his gf "cant be doing with it"

24Seven-
yep-i often cant get out to things like cinema/pubs ect.
however-i feel the key thing here is to try and find out what you CAN do!
for me-i try and take any oppitunitys that come my way.
things like trips out with others![charritys]
ok yeah-i will have my child with me but im still out and about meeting others and having adult company.
if i wanted to-i could go to things run by gingerbread ect-so get evenings out[again with my child]
im dont think you could get involved with gingerbread-but if you look about theres other stuff you could get involved with.
what im trying to say is-dont sit at home thinking about the things you cant do[said kindly]look for the things you can do-grab every oppitunity.
but you will have to find it-it wont come to you[again said kindly]
its not impossible to have a life-even if its not quite the same as others lives!
i dont know what youre interests is ect-but since you have mentioned pubs
what about places like ex-servicemens clubs ect-you can have a night out and take the kids.

Actually Northernlurker, I don't think the OP IS that apologetic- cue the snide remark about 4 year olds with an Ipad touch or whatever. My 5 year old has a DSi - the latest all singing all dancing version, bought by her dad. But you know what ? 'I'm' the one holding her at 3am whilst she cries herself to sleep because she misses her daddy and can't understand why he had to get a new girlfriend.
And I'm the one who'll probably cry myself to sleep tonight because my babies aren't here. And Yeah - I have a child free weekend this weekend. Hoo bloody ray. I've just done a 7 hour shift, I'll spend the rest of the evening cleaning the house from top to bottom and I'll do another 7 hour shift tomorrow. Then the kids will be home with bags of dirty washing and stories about the latest present that daddy has bought them.
Monday morning, I've got a solicitors appointment to try and move forward the mess that my marriage has become and then I have an appointment with the bank to try and renegotiate the mortgage.
So yeah OP, make all those sweeping bitter generalisations because you're tired and feel like lashing out. You very clearly have NO idea of the reality of single parenting for most people. Most of my friends don't have a clue either, because for them, I put a brave face on. because it's 'my' life, my mess, my future. And I deal with it.
And if you want to apologise, at least try to sound sincere instead of lacing it with yet more digs.

what about trying to find out if theres any social groups ect for women in youre posision op?
if not why dont you ask about and set one up youreselves?
or why dont ask around mn and maybe a few of you could get together?

Right Sappire - I had said I was';t generalising - you said I was being snidey about the Ipod (which I only brought up as an example to a PP)- yet you say your kid has a DSi that her dad bought her. sounds like you are snippy about his purchasing cf his absence. I have all the same washing to do as you mate but with 3 DC scrambling for my attention. Again - I wasn;t generalising I was being specific. And I was been very sincere to everyone, I just think you can't see it.

sparky I thank you for your suggestions but they don't really fit in with what I have been posting about.

YABVU

OP you haven't got a clue what being a real single parent is like. One thing that really irritates me is women in your position ie lots of time managing the kids alone, thinking they have it as tough as single parents, and now you are claiming it might easier. Yes logistics come into it but that's a two way street, even assuming the other parent is around.

Single parents worry about babysitters ALWAYS. Worry about how to cope with EVERYTHING in the household, house, garden car, council, school, kids being difficult, teens bigger than you being abusive, no sharing a secret smile when the kids are playing up.

I could go on but I'm sure you are getting the picture.

In your position, there is someone to talk to about the kids, someone who can share some responsibility, someone to run things past, never mind the emotional support, even if just on the end of a phone/mail.

The worst thing? When your DC does something wonderful, or even just cute and there is no one to share it with. Now balance that against one evening and a having every other weekend 'free'.

Again.

I have apologised, and I was being specific to 3 families, who have got someone to share a secret smile with.And I have all those domestic concerns to.

I think the biggest revelation to come from this thread is how much harder being a parent is if you have no outside support, and that applies whether you're a lone parent or a married couple.

Sunshine that's a good summing up.

You know, I would love for a decent xp to share parenting with, a decent dad for DD. As it is I'm by myself, though luckily have a very supportive family.

I have no-one to bounce parenting problems off. No-one to look after DD if we're having one of those days where you could throttle them. I get looked down on all the time for being a young single parent. I work to provide for my DD, but constantly worry if I'm doing the right thing, when I cant be there for assemblies or plays. All of the financial responsibility is on me. I cannot tell you how much this weighs on you. When they're ill, what do you do? Stay and look after them, like a mum does, but lose a days money which you rely on? Or go to work, and spend all day worrying about them? You get invited for a drink after work, you cant go. How do you meet anyone when you dont go out, have no evenings free for dating? If you do miraculously meet someone, whio isnt put off by a single mum, you feel guilty because the only time you get to see them, to get to know them, is at home when the kids are in bed, but that means having a stranger in your home, and risking the kids getting to know them and like them when you dont know if YOU like them yet.

Its hard being a single parent. Its not what I would wish on a family at all.

I'm not your mate. You think you have a rough deal in life, deal with it. Use the money your DH earns by working away to pay someone to do the washing if it's such a big issue for you. And if you ever find yourself in the position of being a single parent, I hope you cringe when you remember this thread and the attitude you have. And get some new friends - because if I though any of my friends thought about me in the way that you do about yours, I'd bin them faster than you could say Ipad touch.

Thank you sunshine, that's eexactly it.
I guess my OP was wrong bringing the separated into it - it's all about the lack of another adult around that I have comared to those 3 families situations iyswim.

OP, I can see where you're coming from. And you did say split up families rather than single parent families, there is a difference that peopel seem to be ignoring because they are too busy looking for ways to be offended.

I have one of those split families, and of course there are things that are hard about it sometimes, but sometimes there are benefits. I love being able to spend some time just me and my dh whils safe in the knowledge that my dc are being taken care of and having fun with the only other person in the world that loves them the way I do. I love that I can do the boring house maintenance type jobs when dc are with their Dad so that I can have the money and the motvation to do things that are really fun on the weekends I have them.

Ex and I get on well, so we both spend time with them at Christmas and on their birthdays, at the same time. Before we had new partners, we used to go on hoilday together.

I know that I'm lucky, but that is partly luck and partly that ex and I have worked really really hard to make it this way. I know that there are plenty of families that don't have it like this, but YABU at all to suggest that some do.

-oh no-ive done it again!
i always seem to be talking about things that no one else is talking about.
whoops-sorry.
oh well-my posts might of given someone else some ideas.

What you'd bin friends because they are envious of the ease you can go out compared with the struggle they have to get one night away for a significant occasion? Well that's a bit of an insignificant reason to lose a longstanding relationship.

Thank you bubbles - it sounds like you are just like the families I am talking about, and i'm happy that they're happy, but just envious of the fact that I struggle to have time alone to do grown up things and as you say boring things like maintenance. But I guess it's only a short time till they're older and I won;t need sitters.

I didn't think the OP sounds that apologetic either.

I'm a LP and have been for 3 years. It's not at all easy. Ever. I have an Ex who takes the children when it suits him. Yes, that does mean I get a weekend without children. But I work FT to keep a roof over our heads (as I don't receive a penny in maintenance) and am out of the house most days from 7.30am-7pm. I actually would like to see my children at weekends, but to keep the peace I agree to my Ex seeing them at least alternate weekends. So yes I might get some child free time, but perhaps that's not actually what I want, nor what I would feel grateful for.

I suggest those who think it's 'easy' for whatever reason to be me, think about doing everything on your own. Forever. Because that is how my life is. I don't have any living family, my DS are it. I don't have parents or siblings to share their achievements with in the absence of a partner. I don't have anyone to give me advice or listen to my worries. Anything goes wrong, I have to make it right.

As has been said earlier, the OP's DH will not be working OS 5 days a week without it being v financially worthwhile. So if you want to spend time on your own with your DH at weekends, pay for a babysitter. Or if you need time on your own during the week, get a nanny/au pair.

But believe me you're not going to get a LP to start feeling sorry for you.

not talking about your scenario Hate. and I don't know how to be more apologetic.

No - I'd bin them for being spiteful, bitter old hags with a chip on their shoulder and an antagonistic and judgemental attitude to single parents mate

lot of inferences there, mate.

Does that chip fall off when you are doing all that washing?