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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some split up families have it easy?

188 replies

24seven · 02/07/2011 13:07

Some families that I know seem to have their cake and eat it.I know it must be hard living alone all the time but my DH works away all week so I am on my own with 3 kids, with no respite. The families I know share childcare in the week and have the DC only every other weekend so that means they have a social life - no worrying about babysitters twice a week and every other weekend free to do what they want. 2 of these women have new partners so their not sad and lonely.

And I think the kids are spoiled with material things too.

OP posts:
Animation · 02/07/2011 13:23

When you're exhausted and depressed damn right splitting up seems a good option at the time - to get some peace!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/07/2011 13:24

Some families that I know seem to have their cake and eat it.I know it must be hard living alone all the time but my DH works away all week so I am on my own with 3 kids, with no respite. how old are your children? Why does DHs job take him away so often? Can he change it? What is the payoff for him working away - if it's mega bucks then buy in help

The families I know share childcare in the week and have the DC only every other weekend so that means they have a social life - no worrying about babysitters twice a week and every other weekend free to do what they want. where are your family and ILs in this?

2 of these women have new partners so their not sad and lonely. are you sad and lonely? Again I ask what is the payoff for DH working away? What do you do for yourself

And I think the kids are spoiled with material things too. this is a bit bitchy

Original poster
24seven · 02/07/2011 13:24

Sorry ILoveTIFFANY.2 out 3 three of these people have new live in partners who earn.The other one has a new partner but as yet haven't moved in together.

OP posts:
cory · 02/07/2011 13:24

Oh well, OP- you know what the option is, don't you? If you think a divorce would make your life happier, noone is stopping you.

Original poster
24seven · 02/07/2011 13:25

I can cope with it - it's just these 3 families lifes seem easier than mine logistically. Have admitted I'm U and probably bitter.

OP posts:
MissDrake · 02/07/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster
24seven · 02/07/2011 13:26

Never mentioned happier. Easier logistically,

OP posts:
Original poster
24seven · 02/07/2011 13:27

MissDarke read my posts properly. I am talking about 3 specific familys. I even put some in my title.

OP posts:
Original poster
24seven · 02/07/2011 13:28

and I have said sorry.

OP posts:
Animation · 02/07/2011 13:28

MissDrake

You're offended by the OP's feelings?

Why?

And why so angry - what's up with you?

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 02/07/2011 13:29

Can you explain why you think their lives shouldn't be easier logistically?

The way you're saying it, it sounds as if you believe their lives should be harder than yours because they have failed relationships - I really hope you don't think that.

PebblesAndWine · 02/07/2011 13:30

Sounds to me that you are just totally exhausted and in need of a break......I have also had the odd daydream that me and dh split up and I get two weekends off a month, but in reality its not like that.

You just need a night out with friends or a weekend away with dh.

My dh works shifts and it is hard work, really hard work, so make sure you factor in some 'you' time if you can.

TYBear · 02/07/2011 13:31

OP I know what you mean and I agree that on the surface it looks pretty cushy from the outside looking in.

My DBro is split from his ex and they share the kids 50:50. He has a great time on his weekends without the kids, off to festivals, days out, nights out etc. When he has the kids he is determined that they will have quality time together so they spend a lot of time/money going to exciting places (rather than just the park IYSWIM).

However, and its a big however, he has the emotional turmoil of taking the kids back and seeing them with their 'new dad' at the ex's house. Every other year he misses Christmas and birthdays with them, he and his ex have to negotiate school holidays and holidays abroad. It is a never ending source of deep emotional pain for him.
But you wouldn't see that from the outside looking in.

27tilly · 02/07/2011 13:31

I wish that I had of had it easier when me and ex p broke up....

Animation · 02/07/2011 13:32

Can no-one here read between lines. The OP is obviously feeing tired, isolated and probably a bit depressed - doing all the child care on her own - and is under the impression that living alone might be better than this!

What's to get offended about?

Asinine · 02/07/2011 13:34

Op

Why do you 'struggle' to get someone to look after the kids when you want to go out with dh?

I have a solution for your problem

Get a babysitter, or if you can't afford it take turns with friends to babysit. You don't need to split up to get a night out.

Salmotrutta · 02/07/2011 13:34

Yes TYbear - I have a family member going through the same. Very hard going.

27tilly · 02/07/2011 13:34

Oh boo hoo. I'm tired but I don't feel bitter towards everyone else who has a ''easier'' life than me.

Alot of people are in the OP's same situation but don't bitch and moan about it.

PebblesAndWine · 02/07/2011 13:35

That's what I thought Animation, that op is in desperate need of a break and is finding it hard. It is bloody hard!

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 02/07/2011 13:36

Sure, Animation, but it doesn't mean what she's saying isn't unreasonable ... which was the question she asked.

HooverTheHamaBeads · 02/07/2011 13:38

OP if finances allow get a babysitter and make sure you have a night out with your DH once a week or month. You sound like you need it.

Animation · 02/07/2011 13:42

LRDTheFeministNutcase.

Yes I agree, and I'm glad that when I had similar ideas I stuck it through with DH, and we didn't split.

LineRunner · 02/07/2011 13:48

Your OP heading states that you think that some 'split up families have it easy'.

Think what you like.

Live on whatever planet you like.

mamalovesmojitos · 02/07/2011 13:53

Op, I'm sure u didn't mean to offend. But if you're tired, over worked and stressed out then talk about that. Do not speak in that way about loan parents. It is not nice and completely underestimates what many of us do every day. Which we do silently, with dignity, and without complaining about married women online.

Some broken-up families have the arrangements u outlined in your post. Many if us have nothing like that. At all. With respect, you have no idea how bad things can be. You sound naive and oblivious. I hope u never end up alone. It's really difficult.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 02/07/2011 13:54

It may look easy for some but you don't really know unless you have been in that position.

10 years ago I was a single parent of 2 young DDs, I had a part time job and it was never, ever easy.

I am now a married mum of 2 teenage DDs, a 2yo DS and I have a full time job. My DH works full time and away from home very occasionally. I find life now an absolute doddle compared to how my life used to be!

So YABU!