to not get why some women feel 'cheated' on when they find porn

[M0naLisa]

Now I know most porn threads turn into a debate and article about why porn is wrong on many levels. I understand that part!!

BUT what I don't understand is why some women feel like there husband has cheated on them when they find porn mags, websites, etc

He's not shagging those in the films/mags whatever, so why do women get obsessed when it comes to their bloke watching porn films/sites or buying mags?

Oh luna that sounds horribe. I think this debate is more about the clear cut lines between fantasy (in this case represented by porn) and reality of actual cheating. Your hubby has clearly blurred those lines by getting actual interaction and is therefore a prize prat!

All of you harping on about steamy novels should seriously take a look at how the women in the porn industry are exploited every day. A steamy novel is not somebodies daughter being filmed having sex with a perfect stranger and being told to continue even when the sex is causing her physical pain. Oh and she also has to pretend she is enjoying it. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Do some research into what porn really involves and you may have a slightly different outlook.

I'm not talking about sex shows though. I'm talking about porn in general. Watching/reading. The women/gf/wives who ban their husbands from it, because they feel cheated.

Luna I understand where your coming from and why you dislike porn yes what your hubby is doing is wrong its crossing boundrys so yes I think his behaviuor is decietful .Why are you still with him if you dont mind me asking ?

Chelle my OH has also been to strip clubs for stag partys and his own stag party I didnt get jealous at all I trust my husband 100% and would rather know about it than he go behind my back that must be a lot worse .

Why not sex shows MonaLisa? He's not shagging in the sex shows.

I mean this genuinley; can someone please explain how viewing porn is NOT cheating.

What keeps watching porn vs interacting with porn on different sides of the line? How do we define 'interacting'. Is watching not a form of interacting as it is too passive or is the fact you are masturbating meaning you are active and therefore 'interacting'?

Is there any difference between watching porn and daydreaming about shagging another woman? If so, what?

I haven't read the whole thread. I think some people like watching people have sex - that is not having an orgasm TO someone and is not cheating. Most of the time it's just a grainy film. Most of the time it involves fantasies you wouldn't want to do in real life just like having it in your head.

My dp is not comfortable with the idea that I use a vibrator without him but that is down to his insecurity the way I see it. He thinks that he should be enough for me etc. But he's missing the point.

if i walked in to a room and found dp with his penis in a vagina i would leave him, if i walked in to a room and found dp with his penis in his hand while looking at a vagina i would go and make a cup of tea. because it is not the same thing. in one case he is emotional and physically betraying me, taking risks with my physical health and destroying everything we have built together and in the other he is moving his hand back and forth till he ejaculates.

People don't watch porn because they want to have sex with the people in the films. That's not how it works, well unless the person is a 15 year old boy who's never had sex.....imo

I don't mind porn per se, what I dislike intensely is the secrecy that seems to surround it, and how it leads on to other things. Is a bit of soft porn enough? Generally not, in many instances men become immune to what they're seeing and are then looking for something more.

In the past I've found that my dh has looked at porn, and whilst it doesn't bother me, it's the fact that he hasn't told me. I'd rather watch it together tbh, or at least know what he's up to! That's our "deal" if you like. I don't mind as long as I know.

"can someone please explain how viewing porn is NOT cheating"

If you remove 'porn' from that sentence I think it explains it. If viewing were cheating, every man that ever turned his head to admire a shapely pair of legs and every woman that rewound Casino Royale at the point where Dan Craig emerges from the sea would be guilty of cheating. It then comes down to whether you approve or not of what is being looked at and whether you approve or not of the reaction.

So because there is a screen in the way to stop dp from physically putting his penis in the woman so he imagines his hand is her vagina that he ejaculating too it is ok and no lines crossed?

Im a genuinley wanting to know how it is different....

But I dont think admiring someone is the same to getting aroused and orgasiming to them.

I can admire lots of women for their beauty for instance but that doesnt mean anything beyond that.

Coco - in that case whats the difference between porn and any film with a hot man/woman in it or that has a sex scene?

coco i think you are being deliberately difficult, i watch porn i dont imagine my hand is the mans hand. i watch it to make me horny to i orgasm quicker that is the point. why ask a question if you are not going to listen to peoples answers.

Cocoflower - how do you know that is what your dp is thinking? You don't - you are assuming. When I've ever watched porn I did not imagine myself having sex with the people in the film at any point.

There's only difference between admiration and arousal is the intensity. It's essentially the same thing. Some people get horribly jealous and upset if their partner so much as smiles at someone else... others don't.

its also quite amusing that you chastise spring for knowing the inner workings of all peoples minds but you seem to know what all men who wank to porn are thinking.

The difference is between thinking about shagging someone else and actually doing it IMO. Pretty clear cut to me.

Im sorry if my questions are difficult but I really do not see the difference when it boils down to it. I meant your DH may be imagining his hand is the womans vagina anyhow.

There is such a huge difference between porn/ mainstream film. Porn has one agenda only for a start....

I can only ask what my DH is thinking and only rely on his honesty but I know he does not view porn at all. I get other people are attractive but using them as masturbation tool is very different.

I would assume people watch porn with someone they find attractive in it.

I never once said I know what all men are thinking but its hardly a leap of faith to assume they become aroused as they are attracted to the person in the images.