to not get why some women feel 'cheated' on when they find porn

[M0naLisa]

Now I know most porn threads turn into a debate and article about why porn is wrong on many levels. I understand that part!!

BUT what I don't understand is why some women feel like there husband has cheated on them when they find porn mags, websites, etc

He's not shagging those in the films/mags whatever, so why do women get obsessed when it comes to their bloke watching porn films/sites or buying mags?

Me too, loved Howlingbitch name though, and all the books (apart from weird soldier son series)

In fact, I have thought lustfully about Fitz...

its fantasy so it is like you say harmless i did sleep with said friend after h and i broke up and fantasy did not live up to reality i can tell you. i didnt feel that you were judging howling so dont worry.

Tosser- sorry fredian slip I suspect! Ha ah (opps not saying your DH is a tosser btw I mean on the subject of wanking)

Anway it seems the biggest factor of cheating or not boils down to; interaction?

I was openly inlove with The Fool. Confused my DP alot. Although in my defence my DP did read me the books because I was ill for a while (and did all the voices :o) So I might of been inlove with him AS The Fool. Actually I'm confusing myself now.

have to admit me and my friends use to get pissed together on a slow night and go on to chat rooms and pretend to be a person and chat to blokes who had web cams we obviously didnt. it was fucking hilarious.

Oh! Me too- yes he/she was strangely compelling!

Imagine a fitz/fool threesome situation... oooo

Interaction + secrecy I think is where my line on cheating is drawn. I do think the webcam things are closer to cheating than films.

Interaction + secrecy I think is where my line on cheating is drawn. I do think the webcam things are closer to cheating than films.

That is not to say I cant understand why some people dont like/arent comfortable with porn. I can also see how it can cause real problems in a relationship. I just dont think its the same thing as cheating/having an affair.

I have thought about that one. Even though Fitz was a big moan at times.

"All my life I have done everything wrong" :o :o That made me laugh.

But I am intrested to know how we define what is the 'interaction'- the fact he can speak to the woman via the cam?

If he is only getting her to act out what he watches in porn, is this really so different? I just think the line is too 'watery' to see much of distinction IMHO but am intrested to see what makes the two diffferent in terms of acceptabilty

they obviously feel being deserted for a bird in a photograph is disrespectful

i am lost who is fritz and the fool???

Everyone would say different I suppose. I would say its only cheating if she was physically in the room and he was touching her sexually. Anything over net is a bit of fun to me, also porn/mags, fantasising over friends/celebs isnt cheating to me either. With the webcam thing though I think more people probably would have a problem with that but if you know your husband/wife and know they arent going anywhere, and its part of sex games you do together there is nothing wrong with it.Again would be if they lied about it or it wasnt something you both agree is acceptable.

Watchign a webcam and directing the girl what to do to herself would be crossing the line (for me), again because he is interacting with someone.

A film is different. That said if DH and I webcamd someone together then it would be ok. (We haven't and I would probably be too embarrassed) but I wouldnt feel like we had crossed some boundry in our marriage and had a 3sum

Yeah a film or a mag they just are. You have no control of them. They are not aware of the watcher. They are not tailor made to an individual. As i said its all about fantasy. By exerting a degree of control you start to blur the line of fantasy into reality.

If a couple both mutally agreed to watch porn/ do cyber sex then fine.

But if not, and only one was doing this dectifully I just really cannot see much of a differene with a film and webcam.

I do find it intresting how people do feel different once the interaction element comes into it.

spookshowangel They are characters from 2 amazing fantasy book trilogies called "The Farseer Trilogy" and "The Tawny Man Trilogy". If you like fantasy literature you should read them!

But when your partner chooses certain types of porn to view isnt he exerting a degree of control to an extent though? Again IMHO the difference is not very clear cut to find one ok over the other.

For me, it's less the interaction and more the secrecy. Secrecy = cheating. In any sense.

love fantasy you every read any david gemmel or the wheel of time books?

I have not!

wheel of time are amazing have been reading them since i was about 15. there are 13 or so books with one more to come the author died before he finished the series but they have some one else finish it who is doing a great job highly recommend them.

"Those of us cool with it do not have husbands secretly using it, either"

Actually you are wrong there, there have been lots of threads on here over the years from women who were perfectly accepting of porn yet still found out that their partner was hiding it from them, usually as a kind of psychological weapon and usually when their partner wasn't particularly interested in sex with a more than willing woman.

A film and a webcam are two completely different things. One is cyber-sex. Watching porn is not sex (well no more than masturbating). The person gets excited by watching a film of other people having sex. They are not interacting with those people.

Webcams are as bad as being registered to an online dating forum in my view. I would not be ok with that.

But a webcam and watching a film will really centre on one act- masturbation (assuming this is a solo venture)

I do not see any signifcant difference at all to make any real distinction.

The user is still getting sexual gratification from someone who trades in sex either way. The only difference is s/he will not be aware who exactly is viewing her.