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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to taking a friends son to school two days a week?

287 replies

carocaro · 01/07/2011 10:10

DS2 starts school in Sept, one his friends also starts and his parents both work (I will work from home) and have asked if I can take him to school two days a week so they can get to work. Reason being the see it a waste to pay for before school club as they would drop him with me at 8.20 and we leave at 8.35. I will get a weekly bottle of wine for this apparently.

I just think two days a week is too much, I don't mind one day (have older DS to take to school as well). Also what about car seats, three won't fit in the back and I don't want DS1 to sit in the front (he's10 and can't anyway can he?). PLus all the faff of getting them in and out; will the get another seat or have to pick the one I use up everyday?

I just don't feel happy about it, just because I am always going to be going. How can I explain this to them?

AIBU?

OP posts:
TickTockPillow · 01/07/2011 23:27

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InLimboAgain · 02/07/2011 07:59

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seeker · 02/07/2011 08:42

If you have an arrangement where if for whatever reason you can't do it one morning, you text them by, say 7.45, then I really can't see the problem.

But I have an 8 seater car which I have to use for the school run, and I prefer ti to be as full as possible so I'm always giving lifts.

mumzy · 02/07/2011 09:24

I think if there was no other childcare option then I would help them out abeit with strict ground rules: leave on the dot at 8:35am, contribution to petrol, emergency plans in place and if they took the p* then that would be the end of the arrangement. However they do have an alternative in the breakfast club (cost them about a tenner a week?) so I would tell them to use that and would act as emergency back up. I think this could end up a long term arrangement with the OP doing all the giving and very little reciprocation on the friends part and as such I don't believe YABU

purits · 02/07/2011 09:55

I wonder if the ones complaining about helping out another family are also the ones who moan about cliques and how the PTAmum's kids get noticed and their's don't.

Shame on those saying that they wouldn't do it because something might go wrong. If you work on that basis then you would never set foot outside the door.Hmm

Set the ground rules before you start, decide on a length of time for a trial period and, if it is not going according to plan, then be assertive and call a halt to it. You are the one doing the favour - you have the whiphand.

seeker · 02/07/2011 10:05

I am a SAHM who works very part time from home, so I don't expect my WOHM friends to reciprocate on lifts and pick ups and Baker Day cover - how can they? But I consider myself very lucky to have been able to make the choices I have, so I don;t mind taking up a bit of the stress in my WOHM friend's lives and a sort of karmic recompense. I hate the idea that everying has to be tit for tat.

Animation · 02/07/2011 10:11

At first I thought this might be a bit of a hassle but if this lad is actually your son's friend it might work out OK and be a nice start to their day - going in together.

PrettyMeerkat · 02/07/2011 10:14

the OP's ds2 cries every morning and kicks up a fuss about going to school. It will be difficult to manage that, or simply just to get HIM into a routine, when there is another child to look after too

Good point.

I really value that time in the morning, walking and talking with my children, stopping to look at bugs/flowers/planes etc. Chatting about what they are going to do that day and how they feel about things. Having another child there would take that away and add to my stress. It's not selfish to not want to be even more stressed on the school run every morning.

Animation · 02/07/2011 10:19

"the OP's ds2 cries every morning and kicks up a fuss about going to school."

I missed that bit. It would be a NO from me then - I don't need that hassle!

Fifis25StottieCakes · 02/07/2011 10:24

I dont work and i often take my friends kids to school when they are stuck. The always return the favour by collecting mine or takeing them for tea or to Mr Twisters.

I even swapped babysitting duties for getting my kitchen floor tiled. It can work in your favour.

motherinferior · 02/07/2011 10:30

Oh, give it a go and see what happens. I'm with Fennel and Seeker here. Ask them for the odd bit of cover too.

I work, mostly from home, and I've found it tremendously important to keep a network of childcare swaps going. Not a real tit-for-tat one, but the sort of 'oh, I'll bring your two home on a Tuesday' one. And it's nice, too. Rather to my surprise, I enjoy the sense of being part of a community on this one.

purits · 02/07/2011 10:30

Where does it say that OP's child cries etc? As far as I can see, carocaro did the original post and hasn't been back since.

HopeForTheBest · 02/07/2011 10:31

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Animation · 02/07/2011 10:34

Purits - I don't know - I got that quote from PrettyMeerkcat.

PrettyMeerkat · 02/07/2011 10:38

I got it from supercal. Maybe she knows something we don't or maybe she was just guessing. The child is starting school in September though so she won't know yet where he will adjust or not. My DD is in reception and we still have difficult mornings this many months later.

I think when you are settling your child into school you don't need anything else adding into the mix. It's hard enough as it is.

soverylucky · 02/07/2011 10:40

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Animation · 02/07/2011 10:41

Purits - are you there? I got the quote from PrettyMeerKat and PrettyMeerkat got it from Supercat! Smile

TickTockPillow · 02/07/2011 10:44

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ggirl · 02/07/2011 10:45

YABU
I take another child every day.
I don't expect anything for it.
Ds loves the company.
Don't see why it's a problem.
Sounds like you just don't like them much.

Sorry have only read the OP

soverylucky · 02/07/2011 10:47

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Animation · 02/07/2011 10:49

If your're going to do it I think there's got to be some turn taking going on.

HopeForTheBest · 02/07/2011 11:04

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TickTockPillow · 02/07/2011 11:09

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bottleofbeer · 02/07/2011 12:54

Not read all the thread but has anybody considered that reception aged children can be an absolute nightmare to get into class in the mornings? I've had four kids go through reception and there is ALWAYS one or two kids that scream blue muder about going into class. What if this child is one of them?

I had a friend (who also happened to be my SIL) ask me to look after her baby two days a week, it was a pain in the arse, I do not enjoy caring for other people's babies at all. The worst of it was when she did the same thing for another SIL she expected to be paid, yet no offer of payment was ever made to me. I ended up resenting it to the point she must have realised and made other arrangements.

Animation · 02/07/2011 13:07

"Not read all the thread but has anybody considered that reception aged children can be an absolute nightmare to get into class in the mornings?"

Ye-ah - can be the worst time of the day!

Sorry, but I wouldn't need all that self-sacrificing lark for a bottle of wine. I'm happy to be NOT so nice - unless there's some turn taking on offer.

Maybe one of these parents could get flexy time in a morning and take their own kid to reception themselves now again.

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