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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my partner to go out with work anymore?

107 replies

kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 18:53

My partner is a supervisor in a high street shoe shop, last summer he cheated on me twice with little bunts from the store, at the time I ended up in hospital with a mental break (alot of this led up to this, home, work, him ect) with counselling - both together and just by myself, we have worked through this and stayed together, but he has just phoned to say he's in the pub with 'all the guys from work' I asked him who was there and got ' oh just Anna Sophie alexa becca and sammy' so no 'guys' just girls, including the two from last year.
I told him he's pretty much given up his right to go out with them, especially the two from before because of what he did and he's just had a massive go at me and told me he's not coming home tonight now, so my only guess is that he will be staying at one of their houses! AIBU presuming he shouldn't have the oppertunity to go out with these girls? It's our anniversary today and he knows I have restaurant reservations for us too :(

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 28/06/2011 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 28/06/2011 18:55

Sorry, but it doesn't sound as though your "working through this" with counselling has been very successful.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 18:57

I'm surprised you didn't put the last line of you OP first?

I was going to say...it must be awful for you but if you've decided to stay with him, you need to learn to trust him again.

He of course has to earn that trust.

But being as though it's you Anniversary and you were planning to go out together...what on earth was he doing in the pub anyway? Confused

IWannaGetFiscal · 28/06/2011 18:57

Yep i'm with BTP, get RID.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 28/06/2011 18:57

He's a knob and plainly doesn't care as he is doing it on your anniversary too!Hmm

Kayzr · 28/06/2011 18:57

Why are you with him? If it was me then he'd be long gone. Once I could maybe forgive twice not a chance. You are better off alone.

eurochick · 28/06/2011 18:57

When I read the title I thought YABU. Now I've read the post, you are most definitely NBU. What a twunt.

Zimm · 28/06/2011 18:57

Dump him. Now.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 18:58

Oh ffs your....dodgy 'r' key, sorry Blush

IWannaGetFiscal · 28/06/2011 18:58

What a knobber for going out on your anniversary without even inviting you. Sorry OP.

ajandjjmum · 28/06/2011 18:58

So sorry - but get shut.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 18:58

What a charmer I'd get rid of him if I was you or you'll always be his doormat. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book.

Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 18:59

Sorry for the mistakes in first post, angry and phone typing!
We have both tried hard to move on and as far a I'm concerned this is the first time he has 'fucked up' on the 11 months since it all happened, I don't know If pretty much banning him from going out with them is an unreasonable request as we are happy 99% of the time, have petty arguments about washing up and taking the bins out but this is the first time I'm worried that he'll do it again

OP posts:
worraliberty · 28/06/2011 19:02

But why didn't he come straight home if you two are going out to celebrate?

MarioandLuigi · 28/06/2011 19:03

Dump him.

Do you have children?

Brynn · 28/06/2011 19:03

Have I understood this correctly - he's seriously going out with the two girls he's previously cheated on you with, on your anniversary night?

That is not the behaviour of a man who has changed his ways. You really need to dump him, before he hurts you again.

BeerTricksPotter · 28/06/2011 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sittinginthesun · 28/06/2011 19:05

Don't apologise! I'm a pretty reasonable person, and quite relaxed so far as my DH is concerned, but if he missed an anniversary dinner because he was in the pub with two girls he had previously messed about with, I would be LIVID!!!

Do NOT let him blame you for any of this! Unless he comes crawling back with apologies, afraid I would agree - get rid!

TidyDancer · 28/06/2011 19:05

Er, I'm usually the first one to say 'get over yourself' on threads like this, because in a healthy relationship you can't restrict who your partner socialises with because of arbitrary reasons. But this isn't healthy, it's not a relationship, and your reasons aren't arbitrary.

He is almost certainly fishing for a dumping. He has little respect for you, none for the relationship, and if you continue to keep him in your life, you will be a bloody great big mug. You need to start seeing him for what he is; a loser.

ENormaSnob · 28/06/2011 19:06

Get rid.

He doesn't love you.

It doesn't even sound like he likes you.

Tryharder · 28/06/2011 19:07

Wow. He sounds er... lovely. Do you have kids with him, OP? It's not about you "banning" him from going out. It's about him respecting you and choosing to spend time with you. There's a time for getting pissed down at the pub but the night of your anniversary is not really one of them. I can't believe he's in the pub with girls that he's shagged whilst you two were together. What the actual fuck?

I think he's giving you a clear message, OP, which is that he doesn't really want to be with you anymore. Sorry.

Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 19:07

I think he was phoning to say he's not coming home to get all dressed up with me as I've just finished work myself and going to meet me in town before the restaurant, but I didn't give him a chance before I laid into him about being with them!
I think a break up really is the best thing, like it's been said if he cared he might of consulted me first, invited me or simply just not gone! Guess it's tine to get on Rightmove And start looking for a new flat!!
I might just go out to dinner and spoil myself anyway haha! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 19:11

No we don't have children' I'm a mainly because I'm a nanny! We were ttc but in a way thank goodness this has happened before we did, If he's not grown up enough to be in a relationship he clearly isn't the right man for me to have children with!

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/06/2011 19:17

"AIBU presuming he shouldn't have the oppertunity to go out with these girls"

He's made the opportunity; he could have come straight home from work to commence celebrating your anniversary but, instead, he's chosen go out drinking with, among others, the twolittle tarts females that he had affairs/one night stands with last year.

There's only one possible response; tell him that if he doesn't come home within the next half an hour - or in time for your anniversary meal - youl'll be celebrating the end of your relatonship with him.

If he doesn't come home, get dolled up, put some slap on, and go out to enjoy your restaurant booking alone (when you arrive just tell the restaurant that your guest can't make it and you want a table for 1).

One way or another, make sure you enjoy your evening.

Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 19:30

The cunts turned his phone off! I've sent him a text 'if your not back or i haven't heard from you by 8 I will take it that it's over And start packing your bags'
I think is what really should of happened last summer just didn't have the guts to do it at the time! I may even do a dramatic drink pouring over him if he's still in the pin when I've finished my dinner!

OP posts:
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