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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my partner to go out with work anymore?

107 replies

kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 18:53

My partner is a supervisor in a high street shoe shop, last summer he cheated on me twice with little bunts from the store, at the time I ended up in hospital with a mental break (alot of this led up to this, home, work, him ect) with counselling - both together and just by myself, we have worked through this and stayed together, but he has just phoned to say he's in the pub with 'all the guys from work' I asked him who was there and got ' oh just Anna Sophie alexa becca and sammy' so no 'guys' just girls, including the two from last year.
I told him he's pretty much given up his right to go out with them, especially the two from before because of what he did and he's just had a massive go at me and told me he's not coming home tonight now, so my only guess is that he will be staying at one of their houses! AIBU presuming he shouldn't have the oppertunity to go out with these girls? It's our anniversary today and he knows I have restaurant reservations for us too :(

OP posts:
JanMorrow · 28/06/2011 19:36

Stay strong, he obviously doesn't respect you or your feelings, why would you want to be with someone like that? You don't, so get rid!

Geordieminx · 28/06/2011 19:40

Get rid.

iMemoo · 28/06/2011 19:40

Sorry this has happened. Stay strong x

squeakytoy · 28/06/2011 19:41

Well, if is phone is off, he aint going to get the message. He sounds a twat anyway... not sure why you are still with someone who has repeatedly cheated on you when there is no reason to stay.

If you have no kids, why are you not down at the pub with him?

HumperdinkFangboner · 28/06/2011 19:43

Good for you.

You deserve better.

strandedbear · 28/06/2011 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 19:46

I'm not in the pub with him cause I didn't finish work till nearly 7, had to then drive home an get petrol on the way and was and then go home and get changed out of clothes covered in paint/playdough/baby sick/snot and god knows what else and I dont really fancy a little chinwag with the two girls who slept with him tbh, I know he won't get the message of he phone is off but surely that's the consequence for turning his phone off to avoid the situation in the first place?

OP posts:
Original poster
kirsty12321 · 28/06/2011 19:47

That post wasn't meant to be so pissy aimed at you, just so angry!

OP posts:
PinkSchmoo · 28/06/2011 19:49

What a charmer he is! You sound really strong about this, stay that way and get rid.

MistressFrankly · 28/06/2011 19:51

If he was serious about making things work he wouldnt have gone out drinking with girls he cheated on you with . Ever. Especially not on you anniversary! Fair enough he may still have to work with them but to socialise with them is rubbing you nose in it.

For him to have a go when you feel uncomfortable kinda says it all. Put his stuff in a wheelie bin, set it on fire and dump it outside the pub. Onwards and upwards from here.

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 28/06/2011 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rosemallow · 28/06/2011 19:56

Angry is good. Stay strong and stick to your guns.

Can't believe he thinks it's ok to go out with the girls he cheated with and you should just suck it up! What a knob!

purplepidjin · 28/06/2011 19:59

Call an emergency locksmith to change the lock and put all his things in bin bags at the front door.

Once the locks have been changed, call your Mum/best mate/sister and use those reservations.

He cheated on you and drove you to a nervous breakdown. He is deliberately acting in the least supportive way imaginable. Why should you find a new flat? He's the one in the wrong!

purplepidjin · 28/06/2011 20:02

PS DP doesn't go out with any girls except his sister, partners of his male friends (as part of a group), and one friend he has known for 20 years (that's 18.5 years longer than he's known me so if anything was going to happen it would have!). That's after he has asked me if I mind, and only if i can't make it because I either have my own plans or I'm working. I am always invited before he decides whether he wants to go.

That's his choice, not mine.

redwineformethanks · 28/06/2011 20:37

Best of luck and hope you stay strong with this one.

Remember - some men will take advantage of women who let them. So your job is to stay strong and protect yourself. Sadly you can't always rely on other people doing the right thing.

Georgimama · 28/06/2011 20:42

I wouldn't go out tonight on your own. I would get a locksmith out, change the locks, put all his stuff in bin bags and leave it on the doorstep.

Oh just read through and see someone has already said that. Good call.

storytopper · 28/06/2011 20:52

You deserve better. Stay strong and good luck.

purplepidjin · 28/06/2011 20:55

If you're in rented accomodation, check with the landlord/lady first - i doubt they'd mind if you're covering the cost, but it's polite to ask Wink

Keep strong!!

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 28/06/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tiredmumno1 · 28/06/2011 21:00

You deserve better

What an arsehole, get rid, i think you have valid reasons

Hope you are ok?

kaid100 · 28/06/2011 21:12

The fact that he has done this on your anniversary makes me think he has no intention of making an effort. You're right to get rid.

Original poster
kirsty12321 · 29/06/2011 08:21

Right, time for an update!
I nees to look for a new flat because I don't think I can afford to live here by myself And I will probably get lonely in a two bedroom flat all by myself! My brother is a locksmith, he came and changed locks last night after a slightly unbelievable story to my landlord! I packed up all his clothes photos laptop chargers playstation ect and left it outside our front door and text him telling him it would be there for him, he came home at about midnight, banging on the door, ringing doorbell ect and he finally stopped at about 130, I thought he must of left but going to leave for work at 6am I found him curled up in a ball asleep outside our flat, just stepped over him and went on my way to work, I've told him if I've forgotten anything in his bags he can arrange to collect it from my brother as I don't want to see him.
Maybe he won't look so irresistable when he goes Into work this morning looking and smelling disgusting with all of his possessions with him, after a big cry and long talk with my brother and sil I've learnt I'm not being the bitch in this at all, he brought this situation on himself so he has to deal with the consequences, what an asswipe Grin

OP posts:
helpmenow · 29/06/2011 08:29

Wow!

You have done the right thing. Good relationships take work but if he's cheated on you, is disrespecting you now and making you unhappy before DCs, then move on.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/06/2011 08:33

'Way to go!!! WELL DONE YOU

And well done your db and dsil for supporting you and helping you see that you're not the cause or the problem - the asswipe simply wasn't worthy of you.

And I love that you have walked over him in more ways than one Grin

If the tosser runs true to form he'll come begging if one of his little tarts colleagues or mates can't accomodate him - harden your heart and accept no grovelling apologies or pleas for leniency.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 29/06/2011 08:35

Huge unMumsnetty hugs to you Kirsty. I know from previous experience how much this must be hurting, but you will be soo much better off with him out of your life. The fear of him cheating again is far more traumatic than actually making the decision to kick his ass out of your life IMHO. Be strong, you're young and have the rest of your life ahead of you, go out and have lots of fun and (eventualy, have lots of fun first)find someone who respects and values you.