to be totally wound up and pissed off....very very very long story (sorry)

[Stars82]

Ok I need to set the scene for ya

I work in the care industry, we are often subjected to many forms of abuse (not just from those we are care for either) We get bitten, scratched, sworn at, punched, and recieve an abundance of verbal abuse....

I was involved in an incident today which has been playing on my mind at little...

All names have been changed
CAPITALS are used for the raised voices in the convo

Bad timing is a particular bug bare of mine, I detest being late for anything. I arrived at Bett and Bills at 0923 (for a 0930 call)

I went into the house and greeted them in a polite, happy and professional manner only to be greeted back with moans and looks of disgust, general rudeness (not unusual sometimes). The convo is as follows

Bill: You are very early stars
Me: only 5 minutes, my sheet say 0930
Bill: (huffs and pants, clearly pissed off) It is meant to be 0945 on a Friday
Me: honestly Bill I am not lying (shows my sheet)
Bill: Don't care what it says on there it is 0945, Our breakfast is going to be ruined now
Me: sorry bill but seen as I don;t come here regulary I am unaware of betts particular timings, I just follow my sheet. I will wait until 0930 and if 2nd carer doesn't arrive I will call office and wait in the car (getting a little wound up at this point)
Bill: THE OFFICE BLOODY KNOW THE TIMINGS..

at this point 2nd carer walks in to more groans and huffs etc

Bill: here's another one that is too early
2nd Carer: Sorry????
Bill: you are not meant to be here until 0945 (very angry now)
2nd Carer: my sheet also states 0930 Bill....
Bill: I'm not having this I'm going to eat upstairs.....
Me: I will go outside and call office
2nd Carer: (reminds bill of timings policy etc)
Bill: WELL THAT DOESN'T BLOODY COUNT IN THIS HOUSE
2nd carer: well it clearly does bill
Me: right I am going to call office
Bill: WHATS THE BLOODY POINT
Me: well yu are clearly annoyed at something that has been way beyond our control bill and I feel I need to talk to the office. You are being very rude and aggress
Bill: I AM NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2nd carer: you are bill

We then go outside, inform office to be told that Bill has a reputation for being extremely hostile, to try to do what we can, and remember we are not paid to take abuse of any kind. The office will call Bill

We return....

Me: Bill the office are going to call you
Bill: well don't bother
Bill: you ahve totally ruined our breakfast...(has a rant about nurses and timings and other appts)
Me: again Bill I am NOT physic
Bill: just stop talking, you are delaying breakfast even further
Me: hang on a minute, this has been a two way convo, we are both delaying breakfast
2nd carer: bill there is not need to be so rude
Bett: (to me) and you turned up at 0920!!!!
Me: I actually turned up at 0923, and in all the times I have been to you Bett, I have always been either on time or very slightly early and not ONCE have you ever said that you didn;t like it. I have even turned up to find a carer has already started and again noting has been said. You can't pick and chose when you feel it is going to be acceptable to accept a carer early!!!!!
Bett: OH JUST SHUT UP!!!! (also has rep for being rude and nasty at times)
Me: and we don;t get paid enoughto take ANY FORM OF ABUSE
Bill: right thats it

Bill moves in to grab my arm which I doige

Bill: go on and get out
Me: I am more than happy to leave but DO NOT TOUCH ME, I have no objections being asked to leave but you will not lay a finger on me

We both get our things and head to door, at this point bill panics..
bill: no 2nd carer you can stay
2nd Carer: no bill this has also involved me, you have been rude to me and I havebeen involved in this arguement, If we leave we both leave I have also said my fair share today

Called office etc etc

AIBU to think that this situation is totally out of order?? I feel really wound up by it and I keep replaying it in my head :(

I am always polite and professional and have a good rep at work and feel that this will cast a shadow. Totally annoyed

karen the whole point was that mum didn't know that the previous carer had not changed the cloths. She didn't realise that until she was undressed. When the carer said she couldn't find the fresh cloths, mum said "ok then, but please use them according to the colour code, yellow for face, blue for bum because that blue one has already been on my bum and I don't want it on my face, thank you very much" AND THE CARER IGNORED HER! Despite her protestations she was about to wipe her face with a bum cloth and, as mum was incapable of removing herself from the situation, she did the only thing she could think of doing to defend herself out of panic, she raised her hand to slap the carer's hand out of the way whilst ducking her face down to avoid the assault. But you would still say she assaulted the carer?! You are truly beyond belief!

Were you educated here then Karen? Because your use of the written word within your posts im

You should fetch everything you need before you start. I apply creams which need to be kept secure not lying around the bathroom. Towels may have been put away but something might have prevented that so I check the laundry first.

A carer's job is to care for their client. If you want to do x y z then go and work on a production line

spectacular failure to walk away from bunfight oops

Sorry pressed post, I'll continue.... You write as though English may not be your first language.
I think that is what Frantic was getting at, albeit more politely than I perhaps.

Male carers may NOT perform personal care tasks on female clients unless in an emergency or in the presence of another staff member

frantic... Anybody would have understand the point you were making, if they chose to. It was really clear. I had tears reading it.

Whether educated here or not, your post should have been understood. Somebody who doesn't want to listen or read any other viewpoint will of course remain ignorant. There are some carers who really are a credit to the profession, there are others who need extra training but who have the vocational wish... and there are others, scraped from the bottom of the employment pool, who have been entrusted with the care of human beings and shouldn't be.

I have e-mailed my MP this morning, I'm going to see what else I can do. Something needs to be done. The elderly have contributed all their lives and for what? This. It makes me so mad.

There obviously needs to be tighter regulation of carers, while there are many excellent dedicated ones there will always be some 'bad apples' who fall through the net. This should not happen.

My Gran and Grandpa are a Bill and Bett type couple, Gran has Alzeimers Grandad is managing for now. My Gran would be horrified if she realised the extent of personal care my Grandad is providing, unfortunately the disease is taking her further and further away from us.

I hope when the time comes and he finally accepts carers for my Gran (he is understandibly finding it hard to allow anybody to help, and does get grouchy with us - he is scared of losing control) that they are more respectful and considerate than some discussed on this thread. It's so scary.

karen I was born in Yorkshire of Yorkshire parentage. My grandparents were all born in Yorkshire. Of my great grandparents, those on my mother's side were Yorkshire born and bred and of my paternal great grandparents, one set were from Yorkshire and the other hailed from Cornwall.

Would you care to share your lineage?

Male carers may NOT perform personal care tasks on female clients unless in an emergency or in the presence of another staff member.
this is sexist.
a male carer is as good a female carer and does the same job

but it is ok for women do to personal care on men then on her own then?

I have 10mins to do job
i should not be spending 10min looking for stuff it should be there ready for me to my job
and yes my job is production line if you had done you know that.
this is why the maybe OP was early so she had time to look for all the stuff she needed so could be nice to bill and talk to him. and what does he do abuse her good nature.

Karen...I give up.

People are not cans of beans.

Please find a different career/job whatever. You should not be in a 'caring' position as you clearly lack empathy and do not give a shit.

You are giving good carers a bad name.

surrey and norfolk back till about 1600s in some lines

A 'production line'? You're a disgrace, karen, make whatever excuses you feel you have to, you're no professional. I'm sorry for your clients.

why do you say i dont give a shit
i do my job the best way i can in the time i have
I only get paid for the 10min i am suppose to be
shall i give my client free 10 mins like the op was going do just so he can swear at me

and no i did not spend tax payers money going to uni to get music degree.
nor did the nhs(taxpayer)/council(taxpayer)/employer to fund my NVQ

just so i could wipe bums for living.

Sorry karen, after your last post I refuse to believe you're "english" (sic) You are so totally out of tune with the English psyche you can't possibly be! Not that that matters one whit, of course, except inasmuchas, if you are working in a domestic environment, you must be fully conversant with, and respectful of, the culture which dominates that environment. Here, we respect our employers, do as we are asked unless the request is unreasonable and puts us in danger of some kind and we don't answer back the people who are paying our wages without very good reason!

why do you say i dont give a shit/ Because you clearly don't
i do my job the best way i can in the time i have/ You don't appear to do it well enough
I only get paid for the 10min i am suppose to be/ Change your employer if you are dissatisfied with your terms and conditions
shall i give my client free 10 mins like the op was going do just so he can swear at me/ No, not if he has made it clear he doesn't want it. You are there to do a job, not spread unwanted largess and then be affronted if it's not well received.

and no i did not spend tax payers money going to uni to get music degree. /Graduates pay back their grants in with higher taxation in their employment
nor did the nhs(taxpayer)/council(taxpayer)/employer to fund my NVQ /Highly trained people will have more responsible jobs and will, mostly, pay more back into the system over their working lives as they will receive higher wages.
just so i could wipe bums for living. /which you obviously deeply resent doing, so GO FIND A JOB DOING SOMETHING ELSE AND GIVE YOUR POOR CLIENTS A MUCH NEEDED BREAK!

Frantic
GET A JOB AS A CARER
then you find out what it is like
until then
take you guilt at letting your mum (in your words ) being abused
and get help

Please stop poking at Karen's language skills and questioning her identity. There are many possible reasons for unusual typed language.

Karen, it might be helpful if you stop thinking of your job as "wiping old people's bums". Even if your job turns out mostly to be wiping bums (and faces, with different cloths!), the reason for doing it is to help somebody have a decent life by doing the stuff they can no longer do themselves.

You wouldn't call looking after a baby "cleaning up shit & puke", probably, even though that's 60% of what you do.

It seems obvious, from your posts, that you feel your clients have been abandoned by their children. That's untrue - certainly in the majority of cases. People have jobs, homes, children, and they can't throw it all off to go and care for a parent. The fact that you see yourself as a poor substitute for family means you automatically undervalue your work and feel bad about it.

Very possibly you are in the wrong job. But you can still improve your own self-worth and job satisfaction by seeing your role for the very valuable, life-improving work it is.

It shouldn't be so underpaid and under-supported, for sure. I'm glad to see some others on this thread are going to agitate for better treatment of care providers. Meanwhile, I dare to suggest you're making your own life harder; I hope you find a way to appreciate the value of what you do.

YY to everything Frantic said.

The best I can hope is that you are some 13 year old girl having a laugh at our expense Karen, sadly I don't think this is the case.

A music degree and an NVQ does not automatically a marvellous person make. I'm so not interested in who funded what, if you can't perform your role with care, empathy and understanding and above all respect it would be better for your clients that you are not doing it all.

I funded my own degree, ta, and one day hope to earn enough to pay back my loan. My employer decided I needed a nationally recognised qualification to make them look good. I hated every minute, but if it helps my SU's, it's a good thing, right?

There's no reason to single me out simply because your view is unpopular. Care is far more than wiping bums and if your employer is forcing you to production line like that then get onto CQC pronto and change things.

garlic

I am trying to tell people how it really it s

sadly they dont seem to listening
and care work is manly personal care
which can be hard physical work

and has wreaked my body

It would be lovely to spend time talking people but unless they pay for it they dont get that time .

Sorry garlic you are quite right. I only asked the question because she made such a point about carers not needing to speak the native language and most of her posts are more consistent with having been put through "Google translate" than any other form of learning difficulty. If karen claims to be of Surrey and Norfolk descent then I accept that.

What I don't understand is, why she keeps asking the same questions over again, despite them having been answered, (why I don't become a carer, for example) Why, given that she works in the caring profession, she is so very ignorant about lawful and unlawful procedures (intimate care given by opposite sex, need for chaperone etc etc) and why, given that she is English, she has such a totally un-English attitude to employment generally. I'm totally discombobulated by it all tbh! [shrugs]

Karen, it's possible to chat while delivering personal care. I find it distracts from any embarrassment but different strategies work for different clientsm

I strongly suggest you contact the Care Quality Comission regarding your agency. You are not being treated well and could get a much better deal changing employer (if not career)

purple I didn't know that you were a musician! Must have missed that one in the general (purple mist)

I wish you had been a geriatric carer for my mum. You probably wouldn't have waltzed in, turned the radio off because you didn't "want to listen to that rubbish" and made her miss listening to her granddaughter sing live on radio 3.

That would have been another occasion when a "jobsworth" wouldn't have made her cry.

bloody hell Karen!

I have unfortunately worked with people with (almost) as bad an attitude towards their clients and the sad thing is that most of them were nice caring professional people to start with. Its a nice job mostly because you get to meet lots of interesting people and feel like you're making a real difference but there is no support, the pay is shit and the office staff will constantly call and harass ask you to "just fit one more call in". Its no wonder people get burnt out when dealing with that 24/7 (and believe me it is 24/7!). We would get constant emotional blackmail on so called days off to go out and cover when someone went off sick because someone had to go to those clients, if we didn't do it Mrs X would get no lunch or Mr M would have no one to help him to the toilet etc.

I truly loved my job but I would never go back to it for fear of ending up with an attitude like Karen's.

as you said purple you have never work for elderly
so what do think every elderly home in land is
handover
get them up
breakfast

get more up
( in nice places morning coffee)
maybe toilet them
lunch

maybe toilet

other staff making bed/ sorting clothes/ doing washing
morning staff go
afternoon /evening staff
handover
afternoon teas
toilet some
dinner
start putting to bed
evening drinks ( some night staff do this)
evening staff go home
night staff
handover
finish putting to bed
do cleaning/washing
check clients and do turns ect
change pad
start getting people up
(in nice homes morning tea)
night staff go home and start again.

production line? or what would call it ?