Ok I need to set the scene for ya
I work in the care industry, we are often subjected to many forms of abuse (not just from those we are care for either) We get bitten, scratched, sworn at, punched, and recieve an abundance of verbal abuse....
I was involved in an incident today which has been playing on my mind at little...
All names have been changed
CAPITALS are used for the raised voices in the convo
Bad timing is a particular bug bare of mine, I detest being late for anything. I arrived at Bett and Bills at 0923 (for a 0930 call)
I went into the house and greeted them in a polite, happy and professional manner only to be greeted back with moans and looks of disgust, general rudeness (not unusual sometimes). The convo is as follows
Bill: You are very early stars
Me: only 5 minutes, my sheet say 0930
Bill: (huffs and pants, clearly pissed off) It is meant to be 0945 on a Friday
Me: honestly Bill I am not lying (shows my sheet)
Bill: Don't care what it says on there it is 0945, Our breakfast is going to be ruined now
Me: sorry bill but seen as I don;t come here regulary I am unaware of betts particular timings, I just follow my sheet. I will wait until 0930 and if 2nd carer doesn't arrive I will call office and wait in the car (getting a little wound up at this point)
Bill: THE OFFICE BLOODY KNOW THE TIMINGS..
at this point 2nd carer walks in to more groans and huffs etc
Bill: here's another one that is too early
2nd Carer: Sorry????
Bill: you are not meant to be here until 0945 (very angry now)
2nd Carer: my sheet also states 0930 Bill....
Bill: I'm not having this I'm going to eat upstairs.....
Me: I will go outside and call office
2nd Carer: (reminds bill of timings policy etc)
Bill: WELL THAT DOESN'T BLOODY COUNT IN THIS HOUSE
2nd carer: well it clearly does bill
Me: right I am going to call office
Bill: WHATS THE BLOODY POINT
Me: well yu are clearly annoyed at something that has been way beyond our control bill and I feel I need to talk to the office. You are being very rude and aggress
Bill: I AM NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2nd carer: you are bill
We then go outside, inform office to be told that Bill has a reputation for being extremely hostile, to try to do what we can, and remember we are not paid to take abuse of any kind. The office will call Bill
We return....
Me: Bill the office are going to call you
Bill: well don't bother
Bill: you ahve totally ruined our breakfast...(has a rant about nurses and timings and other appts)
Me: again Bill I am NOT physic
Bill: just stop talking, you are delaying breakfast even further
Me: hang on a minute, this has been a two way convo, we are both delaying breakfast
2nd carer: bill there is not need to be so rude
Bett: (to me) and you turned up at 0920!!!!
Me: I actually turned up at 0923, and in all the times I have been to you Bett, I have always been either on time or very slightly early and not ONCE have you ever said that you didn;t like it. I have even turned up to find a carer has already started and again noting has been said. You can't pick and chose when you feel it is going to be acceptable to accept a carer early!!!!!
Bett: OH JUST SHUT UP!!!! (also has rep for being rude and nasty at times)
Me: and we don;t get paid enoughto take ANY FORM OF ABUSE
Bill: right thats it
Bill moves in to grab my arm which I doige
Bill: go on and get out
Me: I am more than happy to leave but DO NOT TOUCH ME, I have no objections being asked to leave but you will not lay a finger on me
We both get our things and head to door, at this point bill panics..
bill: no 2nd carer you can stay
2nd Carer: no bill this has also involved me, you have been rude to me and I havebeen involved in this arguement, If we leave we both leave I have also said my fair share today
Called office etc etc
AIBU to think that this situation is totally out of order?? I feel really wound up by it and I keep replaying it in my head :(
I am always polite and professional and have a good rep at work and feel that this will cast a shadow. Totally annoyed
AIBU?
to be totally wound up and pissed off....very very very long story (sorry)
Stars82 · 24/06/2011 16:32
karen you are describing an old people's home, not domiciliary care. I, and the OP for that matter, were talking about going into people's own homes to deliver a care package.
Residential care is totally different. I have experienced several places as mum had various short stays after operations for a few weeks at a time until she was strong enough to go home. Some were brilliant and the staff were shining examples of what carers could and should be. Some were understaffed and the carers harassed and overworked. But, in both types of homes, the best carers were the ones who kept in mind that the patients were human beings with a right to the same level of dignity as you or I.
In one home, the staff put great pressure on mum (I could say, "bullied") not to go home as she was so "easy" and "no trouble" and that her bed would only, no doubt, be filled by some "high maintenance, trouble-maker", if she left. 
As that was the place where mum was left on the toilet with the door open onto a corridor at visiting time and was left to spend much of the night in a room with the body of her room-mate (who had passed away in the early hours) she declined! 
If karen2010 is a troll, she's doing a spectacularly good job.
By the way, what's happened to the OP? 
The trouble is, in places like that, the patients quickly learn that he or she who shouts loudest/makes the most nuisance of themselves, gets the most attention. Mum never did that, it would have been totally out of character. Result, if anyone got neglected, it was mum, the one who wouldn't make a fuss about it! 
garlic I've got stories enough to fill a bloody book! I've met so man "karens" over the past few years that I just see red when I hear such crap. Sorry I became so aggressive. I'm trying hard to "wind my neck in". Please feel free to give me another nudge if you see me overstepping the mark again! 
That's why I'm where I currently am
I don't feel like enough of a grown up yet to be someone's therapist, then there's finding the funding
karen I can assure you that there are plenty of shared rooms still about, sadly, particularly if you only want or need short term, respite care. You must be very lucky where you are (are you still in Surrey or Norfolk?) if they are very few and far between.
As to the dead body. There was an empty room just down the corridor, awaiting a new arrival the following day (that lady had died the day before) It would have been a simple enough job to wheel the body out and pop it in there until the morning (all the beds had wheels, like hospital beds and it was a big room) How would you feel, aged 83 recovering from an operation for a terminal illness, having to try and sleep next to a dead body? Oh, I forgot, you don't give a shit, well, neither did the night staff. And don't bother coming back and bleating about only having 10 mins and your right to have your working environment made nice for you, that record is beginning to grate.
She was abused to varying degrees by some of her home carers, she was also royally treated by her "regulars" and used to get very distressed by the rules which said she wasn't allowed to give them or their kids presents for their birthdays or at Christmas (which rule we often "got around" by giving the gifts in my name ) and was truly appreciative of the kindness, consideration and compassion they showed her.
We learned all about the trials and tribulations of being a carer and were deeply shocked by the conditions they had to endure. We did, however, have more sympathy with the good carers (eg. if I was visiting and one arrived late, offering profuse apologies at having been held up by a previous client or with the traffic, mum would sign the time sheet, I would give them a quick cuppa and say that I would see to mum myself, especially if it was just a meal, not personal care, and send them off with some or all of their time made up) Never felt quite so inclined to do that for the "jobworths" though, I wonder why?
We reap what we sow, we reap what we sow.
Ok garlic I can see you glowering! 
No, not really
It's such a massive issue. I meant what I said to Karen about undervaluing her own job - and can well see what Cutelittlecatlover meant about the grind and lack of support making carers lose motivation.
Imo it's useful to have Karen's pov, even if she is a troublesome namechanger(?) It shows how & why the problem spirals downwards.
It's a shocking situation: the problem is systemic and we all need to be trying to raise awareness.
Well, they could have wheeled mum in there then for the rest of the night!
That is why the gifts were given from me, with a card saying happy birthday/christmas to carer/carer'sDD/DS please accept this (item) from me with best wishes and my signature.
She was stolen from over the years though. She had this thing about having plenty of cash in the flat, "just in case" as she was unable to get to the bank at any time. Twice, more than a hundred pounds "disappeared", when a new carer had been on duty. Mum never reported it though. She "didn't have the energy" and "didn't want the fuss" and, much as it made me angry, I had to go along with her wishes. It was her money, her choice!
But, there was a great level of trust between the family and mum's regulars, some of whom had been part of her care team for 5-7 years.
No law against someone striking up a genuine friendship with someone who just happens to be a carer and just happens to have one of her relatives on her client list. [really wish there was a sticky out tongue emoticon]
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
And here's a real "shocker", a couple of mum's "regulars" genuinely cared for her and trusted her so much that they gave her their home phone numbers, "in case of emergency" as they knew the family were so far flung! Go on, you can have field day with that one! We never used them, mum wouldn't have "put upon" either of them in that way unless she was really, really desperate, but it was a great comfort to mum to know they were there and they've both since left that particular company anyway.
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