AIBU to think some of you are really spiteful?

[2andanonion]

Regarding weight issues.

Fat = eat monster.

It's not always that way. 20 years ago my OH was fit and sporty bloke; out every night football, training, squash, tennis, cricket, golf. Not a boozer or a fondness for takeaways.

We had several close deaths one after the other which caused the onset of type 2 diabetes. (Go google. shock can cause type 2) That escalated into HBP and cholesterol problems. Two heart attacks at 40.

Sport still very much part of his life until he had an injury that incapaciated him for 18 months until he had an operation to repair the injury and left him immobile.

I'm just looking at his last prescriptions. 26 different drugs a day. He's put on 10 stone.

HBP & cholesterol = no fat. Diabetic = no sugar (that includes alcohol)

Can't even manage around of golf now due to the destruction of the nerve endings in his legs and feet.

The discolouration of his legs really means that gangrene will set in sooner rather than later. Amputation will follow.

But some of you will equate fat to being a scoffing git who deserves it. Even though his diet is so boringly plain and his weight is largely drug induced.

Don't worry. We both work. Don't claim any benefits either. Would hate to be a fat burden on you all.

In my volutary job (as well as my paid work) i get a look into lots of different peoples lives and i think that the condemnation towards people with poor eating habits is totally uncalled for on here. Modern lifesyle is sedintary but i don't think that it is necessarly lazy and that's the problem, unless you know the facts, don't judge.

Birds do you really think people on this thread are saying that when it comes to a cancer sufferer/downs syndrome sufferer being overweight it's down to their eating habits alone?

If so, I think we're reading different threads.

It seems most people on MN do accept a minority have medical conditions...but nowhere near as much that means the UK has a massive obesity problem.

I was not attacking you but the point is that not everyone has the 'space' to worry about their weight and to be able to focus on keeping it down. Other life events get in the way. For your own sanity (not directed at you personally) you have to let go of some things and being a bit over weight doesn't (as i said) necessarily mean ill health so it doesn't register as important. It would be a shallow world if that is what we lived for, to be as slim as possible.

bennifer - point taken about the weight - but its not the weight of the fat that makes you incapable of bending enough to wipe your bottom but the obstruction of the rolls of fat. So I beleive that comparison with sugar is still flawed (though a bit irrelevant as I don't beleive her story anyway!)

I don't think people who are overwieght should be treated disparagingly however it came about, Worra. Its unkind and counter productive and not fair when other peoples faults are not held up publically to the same degree.

I totally agree Kew and that was my original point.

Everyone judges people for something..whether it's weight/smoking/drinking/formula feeding...the list is just endless.

But in reality, no matter how we hate being judged..we're still all guilty of it. It must be human nature.

2andanonion I'm sorry that you and your dh have had - and continue to have - such a very tough time.

And I'm also sorry that you've gotten some truly shitty responses to a very personal post that makes it clear that what you could actually use is a bit of understanding, empathy and support (for your dh and for you).

YADNBU regarding the attitudes to weight that are prevalent on MN, and sadly this thread proves your point.

birdsgottafly sorry

I dont have the space to do anything about it
and I dont think being as slim as possible is the be all and end all
after all I did say I dont look like I like to look
I never mentioned what weight or anything that was

2amdanonion - agree with cloudydays - some of the posts on here are vile.
Fabbychic- I'm happy that you are now back 'in control' having lost the ton of weight you were dragging around- a little workout on your personality now maybe?!

Could I ask why it seems to be ok for society as a whole to bash, judge, etc lets say, smokers . It is a disgusting habit and it is perfectly acceptable to say so. Whereas people who overeat, its not the done thing to say its bloody disgusting, unhealthy and will equally, put them in an early grave.

Im sorry but overeating IS AS disgusting as smoking and I think society should start saying so. Its becoming socially acceptable to literally stuff yourself all day but not ok to puff on a ciggie. Bull! All other terrible habits are frowned on and yet this one everyone tip toes around.

The people who are obese due to medical conditions are very few and far between. I suppose a similar percentage of people who smoke weed for fun as opposed to smoking it for health reasons. Doesnt make us say "shame, maybe they smoke weed because they are ill"

NOT ok - the judgement of
Alcoholics ( messed up, fruitcakes - complete liability )
Fat people ( lazy , greedy, smelly slobs)
Smokers ( stinking drain on Nhs resources)
Anorexics ( weak attention seekers)
Unemployed ( spongers )
The wealthy ( stuck up tax dodgers)
List could go on...
ALL WRONG!!

So when you walk past me in the street blowing smoke into mine or my child's face, that's the same thing as an obese person walking past you in the street is it?

And it's laughable to think that people tiptoe round this issue. How many smokers get abuse yelled at them in the street? It's fine to say you don't want me and my fat sitting next to you on the bus but not ok for me to say I don't want to sit next to you and your foul smelling clothes?

Do a search on MN to see how apparently educated, reasonable people see the obese.

I think that fat people will always be the butt of people's jokes. If you think about it's the only physical attribute that isn't un pc to bash because generally it's assumed that people are overweight because they're lazy and greedy, and it's ok to dislike lazy and greedy. (obviously people of different ethnic origins can't help how the colour of their skin, people with disabilities can't help being disabled etc etc.) It's not right and it's not nice but that's humans for you.

I'm 5'9 12.5 stone and a size 14/16 I've been in the past an 18/20. I've recently lost 3 stone (which I only lost one dress size for some odd, unexplainable reason) I look pretty good at the moment. I'd ideally like to get to a size 14 all over and am always happy healthy eating but I know now it's more of a case of toning up but I've not done anything about it yet. I've also done the most awful thing.....I've.....ordered a bikini for my summer holiday! Woooooah fatty in a bikini. Except I look great and don't care what anyone else thinks of me.

I put my weight on during 3 pregnancies and although I've lost what I put on I'm still left wobbly. But I'll be honest.....rather a wobbly body and 3 beautiful children than the perfect body and none!

Its no more a physical attribute than exceptionally long finger nails are. Its a choice (most of the time).

If obese through overeating is NOT greedy then what is?

Nuttychic,

You're right that it's largely about overeating, but not to the excessive amounts that some suggest. An extra 100 calories a day than you need (a hobnob biscuit) will lead to weight gain, and it usually happens slowly, over years. So unlike smoking, where in theory one can stop tomorrow, you can't lose 4 stone in a day.

I assume you have never been a smoker then Bennifer. Since smoking is a drug addiction, its not as easy as just stopping. Eating on the other hand....

I dont believe for one minute that its just an extra 100 calories a day that causes obesity. I dont think anyone actually could believe that. I know quite a few obese people and not a single one is that way because of "extra 100 calories a day"

By the same token you cant loose 4 stone in one day but you really can stop eating that amount.

Remember Im not talking a little overweight which happens. Im talking about obesity. At what point between normal and not being able to walk or even speak properly do they think ooops, maybe Im eating myself this way"

Most fat people are fat because they overeat and don't exercise it off. Fact.

Not all - but most.

Has nobody been watching Embarrassing Fat Bodies, with the fat family? To start with they were convinced that "Fat is in our genes" and "We're heavy boned" and "We have a low metabolism" and all that guff. Over the weeks, it's becoming clear that none of those things are true; they're just fat because they overeat and don't exercise beyond trips to the fridge.

Now, if people like that - people who have NO medical issues causing them to be fat - didn't exist, the people who DO have medical issues would be treated far more kindly, I feel. Because if you saw an overweight person in the street you'd automatically assume he/she was struggling with a health issue - not that they were simply greedy.

So - if you are fat because of a genuine medical reason and you are troubled by people making offensive remarks, it seems clear that the people to blame are the people who are fat not for any other reason but greed.

I agree with the above; it IS becoming more socially acceptable to be absolutely enormous and it bloody well shouldn't be because much as fat women like to spout on about how beautiful they are, and about how men LOVE their "curves", IT ISN'T HEALTHY.

A few extra pounds on an otherwise active, healthy body isn't going to massivly impact on someone's life - OK you might die 2 days sooner but personally, I'd rather lose 48 hours off the end of my life and still eat cakes.

But pretending that being hugely overweight is in any way a positive thing is, to me, as irresponsible as recommending taking up smoking.

Excellent post TakeItOnTheChins

So when you walk past me in the street blowing smoke into mine or my child's face, that's the same thing as an obese person walking past you in the street is it?

I knew someone was going to say that.

That's not what it is at all. Not all smokers blow smoke in other people's faces. For example, it's physically impossible for posters on this forum to do that as they type...yet they are still judged for smoking. No-one automatically thinks 'better not judge the smokers in case they've had a death in the family/bad childhood etc.'

So why does anyone expect empathy for over eating? Everyone has their vice. So if it's ok to judge one vice, why not another?

Got so bad I had trouble wiping my own arse.

You do have a way with words Fabby.

I dont believe for one minute that its just an extra 100 calories a day that causes obesity. I dont think anyone actually could believe that. I know quite a few obese people and not a single one is that way because of "extra 100 calories a day"

Exactly.

Again, on Embarrassing Fat Bodies, they measured the metabolism of the fat family. Turns out the mother needs 2,600 calories just to stay alive. That's how many calories she can eat, sitting on the sofa all day, doing absolutely nothing, and maintain the weight she is at now.

If you are a normal weight, and you eat EXACTLY 100 calories a day more than you use, then yes you will gain weight. In 35 days you will put on ONE POUND.

Carry on eating exactly 100 calories more per day than you use, and you will carry on putting on a pound every 35 days.

BUT - as you get heavier, you will USE more calories, because you have more weight to carry around. So you would have to eat 200 calories extra per day to gain that pound - and so on.

In general, if you've managed to get to 20 stone or whatever, you have eaten way, way, way WAY more than "an extra 100 calories a day" - and you've been doing it for a long, long time.

I am fat, I have an underactive thyroid and polycystic vary syndrome (both make you gain weight and make it harder to loose weight). I gained 8st in 2 years despite hardly eating. I only eat 1250 calories per day and exercise 4 to 5 times per week yet I have only lost half a pound. I think its easy for people to say your fat get on a diet and exercise. I am proof that even though I'm doing this it doesn't always work.

Nuttychic,

You're right, I've never been a smoker, and I did say "in theory". The point I was trying to make, although I agree being overweight is largely a choice, it's a choice that is slow, doesn't necessarily mean "stuffing one's face with McDonalds every day", it can be a very slow gradual process (in both gaining and losing weight).

I say this as someone whose BMI has never left the healthy region.

That should say polycystic ovary syndrome

"For lunch today I had a Boots Sesame Chicken noodle salad, snack-a-jacks, an apple. I had a snack of a strawberry yoghurt when I got home and supper was Baked potato with cheese and baked beans. Tomorrow I plan on having a Salmon and Cucumber sandwich, fruit salad, a pack of snack-a jacks for lunch. Dinner will be spaghetti bolognese. I may snack on a banana or strawberries."

Assuming you are really interested in comments to this (rather than just making a point about your PCOS):

• It's always better to cook for yourself than buy ready-made, because that noodle salad and salmon sandwich will have sauce/olive oil/mayonnaise which you could put more sparingly or not at all if you made them.
• You are not eating any vegetables or salad. Half of your plate in any meal should be vegetables/salad.
• A large part of your diet is carbohydrates - noodles, potatoes, even beans are to be counted as the carbohydrate part of your meal. These should make up only a quarter of your plate.

Of course PCOS has a part in this, but you can still lose weight.

I was a smoker. I decided that I didn't want to be one anymore and quit overnight. That was three years ago and I didn't touch a cigarette since.

I was Size 14 (fat for me). I decided that I wanted to be slim again and lost 10 kgs over three months with dieting & rigorous exercise, including running for the first time in my life, aged 39. That was over a year ago and I am still a size 10.

None of this is because I am so special. If I did them, anyone else can.