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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling sick with guilt

244 replies

zeberwee · 20/06/2011 13:41

Last week I went on a family holiday with 2 cousins, 3 aunts, one uncle and my grandmother. It was a coach trip and before we even went everyone had stuck the knife into one aunt inparticular and were going on about how they hoped she didn't gab our heads off on the bus, embarrass us and general natter and be annoying. The morning we were waiting for the bus this aunt was stood there with her bag, big smile on face looking really happy and excited. My uncle went up behind her and shouted "DUH!" in her ear. She flinched and the rest of us fell about laughing. She said "what did you do that for?" so everyone started having a go at her telling her to lighten up and not spoil the holiday by whinging. She went quiet and just stood there on her own waiting for the bus. When it arrived we all started pretend arguining about who would sit next to her. She got really mad and told us all to fuck off on our own and she was happy sitting alone, infact she prefered it. My other aunts then started teasing her telling her not to cry etc and laughing. So she's sat there reading her book and everytime the bus went passed farms etc they all shouted at her to stop farting and the other passengers was laughing at her too. At one point I looked at her and she was crying silently. I stopped taking part at this point and felt awful. The others however carried it on all through the holiday chucking things at her on the bus, my uncle emptied her bag all over the coridoor and said it was an accident but then kicked her pants over the banister in front of a load of other guests and my grandma kept blaming my aunt saying she was spoiling it for everyone by being grumpy. On the wednesday we were due to go on a day trip and everyone told my aunt that we had to catch the bus at 9am. Later that night I got a text saying it had been changed to 8am. I assumed my aunt knew but they didn't tell her and we left without her so she was stuck in the hotel on her own all day.
thursday morning she put a note through my grandmas door saying she had arranged transport home and she was really upset at the way she'd been treated. So she left 2 days early. We got back saturday morning and the others have done nothing but laugh about my poor aunt and say how she made the whole thing miles better than it would have been normally.

I feel sick with guilt but wasn't involved in most of it, I want to apologise but I want everyone else to apologise too. AIBU in holding off until everyone else says sorry too?

OP posts:
asdx2 · 20/06/2011 15:32

OMG I can't believe that the lot of you are adults.

You should feel guilty, the whole lot of you should.

Appalling behaviour.

ScarletOHaHa · 20/06/2011 15:33

If you didn't stick up for your aunt at the time you DID join in with the bullying. If you do actually feel guilty, how are you going to make it up to her? Hmm

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/06/2011 15:34

For all those expressing disbelief/surprise at this family's behaviour - I find it all too believable. This poor woman has probably been the family whipping boy all her life. There are a couple of regular posters on MN who are in pretty much the same position; so, no, I don't think this is a troll. That truly is wishful thinking.

KatieWatie · 20/06/2011 15:36

But if she's a whipping boy for them, why go on holiday with them?
Unless she's too nice to say no :(

BlameItOnTheBogey · 20/06/2011 15:39

Surely this is a thread about a kid being bullied on the school bus/ at a residential done by stealth because the school are saying it isn't that serious. In a minute, the OP will reappear and announce that she knew all along it was awful and that if it isn't acceptable to treat an adult like that then it isn't acceptable for her kid to be bullied in this way either and that she is going to show the school this thread.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/06/2011 15:40

Katie, from what I understand, the whipping boy becomes so conditioned to it over time (and from a young age) as to feel it is their fault/they deserve it ; plus they feel the need for the approval of the whippers; this leads them to put themselves in the firing line again and again. It is bloody sad.

Well OP? are you going to get your arse in gear and DO something, or are you going to stay in the fold with the other bullies. [disgust emoticon]

empirestateofmind · 20/06/2011 15:42

I think you are right BIOTB.

M0naLisa · 20/06/2011 15:46

and another disappearing OP

Why do OPs do that?

KatieWatie · 20/06/2011 15:51

Ahhh BIOTB that makes sense!

CheeseandPickledOnion · 20/06/2011 15:56

What a lovely family you are. /sarcasm.

You basically all bullied your aunt. And now you feel guilty but won't apologise until everyone else does. You're disgusting.

Apologise now, or live with the fact that you're a horrible bully.

TandB · 20/06/2011 15:58

I was thinking that, BIOTB. I am desperately hoping this isn't true, although a little worried part of my persists in thinking that it might be.

If it is true then everything that could be said about the family's behaviour has already been said. I would like to add that whining that "I only did x and y and z and everyone else did the rest" is just crap. You are either involved or you aren't. Bullying isn't something that you can conscientiously object to when it gets a bit too hot for you to handle. In criminal law, you can be guilty of an offence like robbery just by being part of the group and lending support by your presence - you don't have to be physically involved. There is a really sensible rationale behind this - people are stronger and braver in groups, and groups use the power of numbers to cow their victims.

If you laughed along at any part of this behaviour then you are just as culpable as the ring-leaders and I hope your aunt has the sense and strength to cut you out of her life.

herbietea · 20/06/2011 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lipsofchicken · 20/06/2011 16:13

What an absolute bunch of DICKS you are. It makes me feel SICK just reading it. Why didnt you do something? That poor poor lady!!!

ThatVikRinA22 · 20/06/2011 16:22

troll.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2011 16:24

Is this for real? Hmm
All I want to do is give your poor aunt a big hug and take her out for a nice day.
Surely it can't be for real........?

exoticfruits · 20/06/2011 16:24

It has to be a troll.

minipie · 20/06/2011 16:25

Come on, this can't be real.

If it was real there's no way the OP would have described it in a way that makes him/her look so obviously horrible.

OP... if by some chance this is real... go apologise to your poor aunt. And I'd think twice about spending any more time with that uncle too.

Cymar · 20/06/2011 16:27

How the f* could you sit there laughing at your aunt and then have the bloody cheek to come on here and say you feel sick with guilt????

Why didn't you tell the rest of the coach to shut the f* up and leave her alone?

AtYourCervix · 20/06/2011 16:28

horrible vile bullies.

If this is real I sincerely hope the poor woman has some good supportive friends and she can ditch the lot of you.

WhoAteMySnickers · 20/06/2011 16:28

I smell bullshit.

If it is not, then OP you are a cunt, as are the inbred moronic twats you call family. This post has truly made me feel sick.

I hope your aunt and her children cut themselves off from you completely.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 20/06/2011 16:29

Revolting bunch of human beings

Your all as bad as each other

RichTeaAreCrap · 20/06/2011 16:30

I hope that this thread is a joke.

If not it is absolutely fucking disgusting, one of the most nasty things I have ever read on MN. You and your family should ALL be ashamed of yourselves OP. Your poor aunty, the thought of howshe must be feeling makes me so sad..

lowra · 20/06/2011 16:31

Not read the whole thread but the OP actually made me feel sick. Horrible bullies. Feel Sad for the poor aunt.

tulpe · 20/06/2011 16:32

This thread has made me so sad. I was the "whipping boy" for many years in the sick-as-fuck family I grew up in. I can all too easily believe that this story is real.

You are all animals. You knew before she began to cry that this was not a bit of a laugh. It was not a bit of family-joshing. It was bullying, abusive and vile.

I hope she has the strength to do what I did and turn her back on you disgusting people. She will have a happier life and have an opportunity to know true friendship and sense of family.

Bettyblackeye · 20/06/2011 16:37

Poor poor woman. I want to talk to any of you again let alone hear an apology, your just as bad for sitting and keeping quiet. How would you have felt if you were on the receiving end of it. What a lovely family you have!!