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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling sick with guilt

244 replies

zeberwee · 20/06/2011 13:41

Last week I went on a family holiday with 2 cousins, 3 aunts, one uncle and my grandmother. It was a coach trip and before we even went everyone had stuck the knife into one aunt inparticular and were going on about how they hoped she didn't gab our heads off on the bus, embarrass us and general natter and be annoying. The morning we were waiting for the bus this aunt was stood there with her bag, big smile on face looking really happy and excited. My uncle went up behind her and shouted "DUH!" in her ear. She flinched and the rest of us fell about laughing. She said "what did you do that for?" so everyone started having a go at her telling her to lighten up and not spoil the holiday by whinging. She went quiet and just stood there on her own waiting for the bus. When it arrived we all started pretend arguining about who would sit next to her. She got really mad and told us all to fuck off on our own and she was happy sitting alone, infact she prefered it. My other aunts then started teasing her telling her not to cry etc and laughing. So she's sat there reading her book and everytime the bus went passed farms etc they all shouted at her to stop farting and the other passengers was laughing at her too. At one point I looked at her and she was crying silently. I stopped taking part at this point and felt awful. The others however carried it on all through the holiday chucking things at her on the bus, my uncle emptied her bag all over the coridoor and said it was an accident but then kicked her pants over the banister in front of a load of other guests and my grandma kept blaming my aunt saying she was spoiling it for everyone by being grumpy. On the wednesday we were due to go on a day trip and everyone told my aunt that we had to catch the bus at 9am. Later that night I got a text saying it had been changed to 8am. I assumed my aunt knew but they didn't tell her and we left without her so she was stuck in the hotel on her own all day.
thursday morning she put a note through my grandmas door saying she had arranged transport home and she was really upset at the way she'd been treated. So she left 2 days early. We got back saturday morning and the others have done nothing but laugh about my poor aunt and say how she made the whole thing miles better than it would have been normally.

I feel sick with guilt but wasn't involved in most of it, I want to apologise but I want everyone else to apologise too. AIBU in holding off until everyone else says sorry too?

OP posts:
diddl · 20/06/2011 14:12

If you want to apologise-and you should-why wait for the others to first?

PaisleyLeaf · 20/06/2011 14:13

Has she had this her entire life then?
Does it happen in front of her daughter?
Really, really, see her/speak to her and be kind to her. People commit suicide because of this kind of perpetual bullying.

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 14:13

is this a piss-take of summat ?

fiction ? tv programme ? idiotic film like "Meet The Fockers" or some other shit ?

Nuttychic · 20/06/2011 14:14

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe this is brilliant! you and your knuckle-dragging family

I could not have said it better :o

GooseyLoosey · 20/06/2011 14:14

I feel for your aunt. I have spent all my life on the outside of groups, wanting to belong but never quite managing it and not understanding why. There have been times when I have felt that it would be better never to see anyone ever again. I can only imagine how your aunt will be feeling not - utterly crushed, alone and worthless. I doubt very much that you can imagine it as you would not have done it if you could. I am trying to decide if an apology would help. I'm not sure that it would. What might make things better is the recognition that I was a human being too and a worthwhile one at that. Perhaps you could invite her out for lunch and have some fun with her and then apologise.

ginhag · 20/06/2011 14:16

AF that is what I said. Somewhere back there

GreenEyesandHam · 20/06/2011 14:16

Total bollocks

MumGoneCrazy · 20/06/2011 14:17

I can't believe you even need to ask, of course you need to say sorry, although if I was her I wouldn't accept it!

Who needs enemy when you have so called family like yours, even my young DC know it's wrong to act like that Angry

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 14:18

soz, GH, not trying to steal your thunder, I skimmed Smile

chenin · 20/06/2011 14:21

Well, if this isn't a wind-up it IS a horror story.

I can't stand to see people bullied like that and if that had been me... I would have gone and sat next to my Aunt on the coach and put my arm round her and got off with her at the next stop and had nothing else to do with anyone on the trip.

I can only presume it is a wind-up because surely people don't act like this. OP... do you like any of your family? Have they any redeemable features at all? Doubtful.....

soverylucky · 20/06/2011 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewShooz · 20/06/2011 14:22

I don't believe this is real for one second. But even more worrying is what is going on in your head to make up such a sick story??

ginhag · 20/06/2011 14:22

Is alright :) Was just waiting for a chorus of 'yeah! What AF said!!' while I sat there with a mardy face Grin

Also I reallydo think that is the only possible explanation. Therefore We Are Right.

I just want someone to tell me what prog it was.

Crap typing due to wriggly baby (he's not typing tho.)

Kalinda · 20/06/2011 14:24

Sounds like an episode of "On the Buses". Your aunt's not called Olive, is she?

If this is real (and I highly doubt it), you should feel completely ashamed of yourself.

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 14:26

"On The Buses" Kalinda could have something there

Certainly something from the bad-old, sad-old 60's or 70's

all that was missing was the aunt is black, and there was a chorus of "Oi, Golliwog" or some such bollocks

harrietlichman · 20/06/2011 14:28

Can't be real, no one is this horrible, let alone a whole family. Surely one person at least would have stood up and told the others to grow up.

DELHI · 20/06/2011 14:29

I'm shocked by this, OP, assuming it's true...I rather think it isn't tho' for reasons many others have already mentioned. Unless you can give a sensible explanation of how this whole situation arose, I suggest we all leave you to your lovely family, and we'll go and do something interesting.

soverylucky · 20/06/2011 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kallista · 20/06/2011 14:31

I have come across families / work bullies / groups of friends like this in RL i'm afraid.
Most bullies need accomplices, bystanders and a suitable victim.
Bullies like your family are harder to cope with than straightforward bitchy types, because they always come out with the same old defence - 'X can't take a joke'.
They thrive on the popularity their 'humour' generates while controlling others with the fear that it could be them next.
So, a bullying culture becomes accepted by the group as an a normal way of life.
It takes a strong person to stand up to it...

BettySuarez · 20/06/2011 14:40

I felt sick just reading your first post. I cannot begin to imagine how your poor Aunt must have felt and something tells me that she has been subjected to this type of bullying before. Sad

The rest of the coach were joining in and laughing too? Just what kind of fucking holiday do you lot go on?

I hope she posts on here and I hope she gets the support she needs to totally cut herself and her daughter off from the rest of you.

Infact if you do only one thing, show her this thread. At least she will know that people do care about her.

I just cannot get my head around one human being behaving this way to another

What a vile family you are and please don't think for one minute that you are excused becuae you didn't join in as much as the others.

OP - do us all a favour and don't breed with that husband of yours eh?

Ginabraz · 20/06/2011 14:42

Wow - dreadful, hurtful and so horrid.

You must say sorry even if you feel you didn't have any part in it......

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 14:42

OP, please come clean now and tell us what you are attempting to parody here

Some people are sharing personal information and your horrible descriptions are strking chords here, there and everywhere (not in a good way)

Put this to rest now

ginhag · 20/06/2011 14:50

I considered posting a 'Identify This' thread in the Telly Addicts section.

Then I decided I couldn't be arsed.

'fess up OP.

TarquinGyrfalcon · 20/06/2011 14:51

I hope this isn't true - if it is what a sad reflection on you and your family. If I were you Aunt I wouldn't bother to see any of you again.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 20/06/2011 14:53

Evil, horrible bullying. Just imagine how you would have felt if this had been done to you? Worse than an episode of celebrity big brother. Sorry, but why do you need to delay apologising to her? You have admitted you were nasty to her, so apologise - profusely and sincerely. I wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to you again tbh. Then TELL the rest of your evil,nasty clan to apologise too. Poor, poor woman. She paid for the priviledge of being horribly bullied, then also had to pay to go home after she couldn't take her horrible treatment any longer. You should all pay for her holiday and her travel home in my opinion. That is the very least you could do. And you deserve a few sleepless nights for your part in that I'm afraid.