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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling sick with guilt

244 replies

zeberwee · 20/06/2011 13:41

Last week I went on a family holiday with 2 cousins, 3 aunts, one uncle and my grandmother. It was a coach trip and before we even went everyone had stuck the knife into one aunt inparticular and were going on about how they hoped she didn't gab our heads off on the bus, embarrass us and general natter and be annoying. The morning we were waiting for the bus this aunt was stood there with her bag, big smile on face looking really happy and excited. My uncle went up behind her and shouted "DUH!" in her ear. She flinched and the rest of us fell about laughing. She said "what did you do that for?" so everyone started having a go at her telling her to lighten up and not spoil the holiday by whinging. She went quiet and just stood there on her own waiting for the bus. When it arrived we all started pretend arguining about who would sit next to her. She got really mad and told us all to fuck off on our own and she was happy sitting alone, infact she prefered it. My other aunts then started teasing her telling her not to cry etc and laughing. So she's sat there reading her book and everytime the bus went passed farms etc they all shouted at her to stop farting and the other passengers was laughing at her too. At one point I looked at her and she was crying silently. I stopped taking part at this point and felt awful. The others however carried it on all through the holiday chucking things at her on the bus, my uncle emptied her bag all over the coridoor and said it was an accident but then kicked her pants over the banister in front of a load of other guests and my grandma kept blaming my aunt saying she was spoiling it for everyone by being grumpy. On the wednesday we were due to go on a day trip and everyone told my aunt that we had to catch the bus at 9am. Later that night I got a text saying it had been changed to 8am. I assumed my aunt knew but they didn't tell her and we left without her so she was stuck in the hotel on her own all day.
thursday morning she put a note through my grandmas door saying she had arranged transport home and she was really upset at the way she'd been treated. So she left 2 days early. We got back saturday morning and the others have done nothing but laugh about my poor aunt and say how she made the whole thing miles better than it would have been normally.

I feel sick with guilt but wasn't involved in most of it, I want to apologise but I want everyone else to apologise too. AIBU in holding off until everyone else says sorry too?

OP posts:
eurochick · 20/06/2011 13:54

What a nasty bunch of human beings.

chubbly · 20/06/2011 13:54

Is your aunt usually the butt of your family jokes? It may have been a sibling thing when your aunts and uncles were younger. I admit I was awful to my brother when we were young (I have made up for it, but I'm ashamed of how mean I could be towards him), but this went too far. Not only do you need to apologise, you need to make your family see that it was cruel. I would say a large gesture from all of you is needed.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 20/06/2011 13:54

I can't believe that this actually happened. Surely no-one could be party to such sustained cruel bullying with a group of 'adults' and then post about it? Get back under your bridge.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 20/06/2011 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isitreally · 20/06/2011 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyinthepie · 20/06/2011 13:55

I hope this isn't real. I can hardly bear to think it might actually have happened and that people, including Op, can think that this sort of behaviour is OK.
You still haven't given any explanation about why the whole family decided to invite this woman on holiday just so that they could be abusive towards her. There can be no justification, but I'm curious as to why anyone would even think it might be acceptable.

superjobeespecs · 20/06/2011 13:55

you and your family are sound like arseholes why were you all being so mean to your aunt?!! in my family i am your aunt and i dont talk to any of them cos they are all a bunch of immature petty jealous idiots. if you dont like the woman why invite her? just to ridicule her? she'd be better off without the lot of you.

M0naLisa · 20/06/2011 13:56

I hope the aunt has lots of friends at home who AREN'T her family.

PatriciaHolm · 20/06/2011 13:56

I don't believe any of it. No non-TV-drama families actually behave this way. Either someone's tripp trapping, or trawling for story fodder....

xkittyx · 20/06/2011 13:57

Not only do you and your family sound like a bunch of utter turds, but you all sound like complete chavs as well.

M0naLisa · 20/06/2011 13:57

All of those saying its not real, maybe you think that but there are people out there who are sadist6ic enough to treat one person that way.

GeekCool · 20/06/2011 13:57

Do you have any idea the kind of damage you could do by hounding someone like that? To have an entire family behave in such a way is disgusting. To purposely leave her off a trip is abhorrent. Stop laying the blame elswhere and take responsibilit for fuck sake.
YOu and your family are a disgrace and I hope you genuinely do feel sick with guilt, it's the least you deserve.

Waiting for others to apologise? You're just a coward and that's a horrible type of person to be, along with being a bully.

HappyAsIAm · 20/06/2011 13:59

I'm disgusted at you and your family and feeling desperately sorry for your aunt. You and your family are disgraceful and you should be ashamed of yourselves and stay ashamed.

mrskbpw · 20/06/2011 13:59

DH?! How can you be married? You're a teenager, right? This sounds like a particularly grim school trip. How old are your family? How old is your aunt? I guess she's had to put up with this sort of behaviour her whole life.

Not only should you apologise, you should go out of your way to make it up to her (if you can - I wouldn't blame her for cutting all ties) and also point out to her siblings and mother that their behaviour is unacceptable. Horrible stuff. I'm glad you're feeling guilty as at least that shows you're not completely heartless.

ginhag · 20/06/2011 13:59

Is this one of those threads that turns out to be a parody-type-thing of some shite that's on the telly at the moment? That is the only way I can make sense of it.

aurorastargazer · 20/06/2011 13:59

i too hope htis isn't real.
clip clop anyone?

Groovee · 20/06/2011 14:00

I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did to be honest. Bullying of any kind is horrific for the victim.

You need to apologise to her and stand up to your spiteful family for her.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/06/2011 14:00

If this is true, and I sincerely doubt it. Your whole family, you included are a bunch of cunts.
Someone else further up the thread said this is the most upsetting thing she's ever read on AIBU. I would agree. It is horrible.

Kallista · 20/06/2011 14:00

OMG that is terrible behaviour.
Your family sound like a nasty bunch of immature bullies- and you sound as if you are scared to stand up to them in case they pick on you.
They are setting a very bad example to the DC.
I hope your aunt has friends outside the family and she needs to distance herself from the family before they destroy her.
I doubt the others will apologise, but you can.
You write a nice card etc and try to make amends but don't be a false friend and get drawn into any more of your family's pathetic behaviour.

fastweb · 20/06/2011 14:00

Well, yes, I can imagine you would feel guilty.

Please go and apologise. You will probably cop the lot from her in a huge wave of hurt and anger, since it sounds like you are the only one who has any inclination to make hang their head in shame.

Take it on the chin and do not make justifications. Let her say her piece, and then apologise some more. Do not attempt to minimize or play down either the mode or motivations of the bullying, by saying something like "it was just a joke", aknowledge the gravity and avoid rubbing salt in the wound by insinuating that she is over reacting.

It will probably be one of the most uncomfotable situations you have ever been in.

Know that as bad as it feels it is just a drop in the ocean compared to the pain you and your family have caused her.

Scholes34 · 20/06/2011 14:00

What a ghastly family. She's much better off on her own. No doubt the two days on her own at home were the best two of the holiday.

McPie · 20/06/2011 14:01

I hope that this is a wind up but if not I would rather be alone forever than deal with a family like yours. Horrible people the lot of you, lets hope you learn from this and take a step back from such an abusive family or it could be your kids who pick it up Angry

aurorastargazer · 20/06/2011 14:01

if it is real, where has op gone? was he/she deliberately starting bun fight????

you need to apologise forthwith i think.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 20/06/2011 14:01

I know there are Mona, but people who do behave like that wouldn't come and post about 'feeling sick with guilt', because thay don't see what's wrong with their behaviour. And anyone who was a normal, decent human being would have done something at the time.

Original poster
zeberwee · 20/06/2011 14:02

I do feel guilty and I know there is no excuse for my behaviour. I did tell my uncle that kicking her clothes all over the hotel was out of order but he just made a joke out of it. I think she has always been the butt of everyone's jokes. She's a nurse and has just retired and it was her first holiday post retirement. I think she's going to Italy next year though with her daughter.

OP posts: