Boarding school at four years old?

[mightybright]

SIL works for the MOD and BIL is in the navy. We were at their house on the military base today and she told me that her neighbour has put her 4 year old daughter into boarding school. I said 'four, that's young' and SIL completely freaked out then stormed away from the table.

I'm not judging their neighbour, I don't even know her, I just said it was young which perhaps in hindsight was insensitive but I do feel she overreacted, aibu?

I'm fairly sure there's been a confusion somewhere too. Schools just don't take 4 year old boarders.

The school where I work had a 4 year old for a week once. Parents had to rush off abroad for a family funeral and had no family in the UK. Little girl had siblings old enough to board so she was allowed to join them. Fairly sure school would have said no if there hadn't been older children in the family though and definitely wouldn't have taken her long term. She actually had a great time being fussed over by all the older girls but not sure she could have coped for any longer.

I don't think it's fair to say parents of younger boarders 'shouldn't have kids' or 'don't care' about their kids etc. The military and careers stationed abroad are fantastic ways of providing for a family and the children aren't neglected and abandoned at boarding schools, we look after them very well. I've been pulled up for not being 100% positive about boarding at work and I suppose I will always have reservations but then I'm sure the parents of the children involved do too - they're just making the best of the situation they're in.

I am at 4 they are just babies and need their parents

It's also incredibly unfair to say that parents who choose boarding don't have an 'intense bond' with their children!

It's just a different style/different choices. Many parents believe that a boarding school education is the best possible experience they can provide their child with and make huge emotional and financial sacrifices to give it to them.

I'm not getting involved in the rights or wrongs of that view but it's a view coming from love and care of their children and the future, not from not wanting them around.

In my experience it's often the parents who get very upset at leaving their children and live for the holidays. the children themselves generally adore boarding and have a lot more fun than they would at home.

I think the key is that it's not for every child. My school won't take a child who is being sent as punishment or who is reluctant to come and they won't keep a child who is still unhappy after half a term. But as long as a child is happy why is it so wrong?

LeQueen, I didn't say they were the only ways of providing for a family! Your way of providing for your children is great but so are other people's!

Different people have different values and ideas about how and where to raise their children. Your opinions aren't correct and their opinions aren't correct. They're all just different and, as long as it works for the families involved, why bother judging them?

I do not doubt that you do your job very well, but to be subjected to not to be able to live with your parents as such tender age because they have these uber important jobs, I am sorry it does seem that there children are second best. All the there joys, happiness, tears, new friendships to miss it just like that on the whim, it isn't fair.

BULL SHIT!!

CEA is not payable before a child is 7 or 8yo.

There is a school in the land that takes boarders at 4yo.

Schools do take 4 year old boarders, a (military) family I know sent their youngest, aswell as his 2 older brothers. He was desperate to go with his elder brothers and the school did bend the rules slightly and accept him early.

Made me abit though now I have my own...

So there are children who are being sent for PUNISHMENT?????

On page 98 -99 of the prospectus "We accept children as boarders from around 6 years of age and upwards. (Lower ages may be possible in exceptional circumstances.)" I remember a previous discussion about boarding when this school was linked to and at that time it said on the main website that children were taken as boarders from age 5 and younger ages may be possible. They seem to have removed this, maybe because they knew they were being criticised.

I don't know if punishment was the right word to use but children who are out of control, parents feel they can't cope any more, day school has excluded them ... etc. Those situations exist.

Children at the age of 7,8,9 who are out of control, don't make me laugh, "parents who can not cope any more", they sound as very capable people, who clearly have no idea what is involved in becoming a parent. Again these kind of people will get "what goes around comes around" these kids will grow up emotionally amputated.

Many things can emotionally damage a child:

• cold, distant parents
• cloying, over protective parents
• absent parent
• dead parent
• boarding school
• bad school experience
• bullying
• always beign the one who fails
• feeling pressurised to constantly succeed
• being abused

But many (most?) of the children who experience any of these things do not grow up emotionally amputated. They may be damaged by it, they may be unaffected by it ot they may be strengthened by it. Because all children are different.

For some children in some circumstances I believe boarding school actually gives them a stability and a place of comfort and safety that they do not have at home. Not going to go into detail but I'm talking about children with terminally ill parents, parents in jail, parents who are physically or verbally abusive to each other and try and manipulate children onto 'their side', households where one or both parents is mentally ill or just very poor at coping with everyday life and families who are constantly moved about with their jobs. We have children that fit into all these categories, with one particularly horrific example where both parents are dying of unrelated degnerative conditions that they did not have when they had their children. For children like that our school is their 'safe place'. It's very sad that home can't fill that role for them but sometimes it just can't.

And I think the 'punishment' thing is far far more common in a) older children and b) international students from very strict cultures. I'm not saying I think it's right. I don't.

I'm not a massively pro boarding person. My children will never board (unless they want to do Friday night flexi boarding when they are older so I can go out (cheaper than a babysitter!)) But I also think it's totally wrong to make a blanket statement that boarding is always bad for a child and always an unloving action on the part of the parents.

Fact, boarding is almost always bad in my eyes, the long list you gave above, I'm afraid it does not cut it with me, it seem when the going gets tough we will just f...ed them of to boarding school, irresponsible parents to say at least. In the area where we live there is "great boarding school with great rep." there are no convict's, drunks's, druggies, poeple at each other's throat children in there, children of affluent toffs high flying type who just can't be bothered with there children. Going back to the original post, case of little girl of only four, totally unfair to poor mite, if older child is in question at the age of perhaps 13, who is difficult and becoming a yob and is about to be sent off to boarding school, you have to ask yourself where did I mess up so much to turn my beloved child into this(BAD PARENTING)

Doris: could you name that school? There's been a hunt for any that take 4 year olds and none found. And the school which has been linked which takes 6 year olds is all girls. None have been found for boys.

I have to say that I'm surprised military families send children so young - they get no financial support until the child is 8.

Gwendolen: "exceptional circumstances" is a very vague phrase, and may simply allow the type of crisis emergency boarding manicinsomniac describes. Especially as the stats on boarding in UK (which I will have another go at finding) said a tiny number of 6 year old board, and NO YOUNGER CHILDREN.

fout year old too young imo !

My sister went to Boarding School at aged 4, fact. So there are schools who will take them at that age.

"It's just a different style/different choices. Many parents believe that a boarding school education is the best possible experience they can provide their child with and make huge emotional and financial sacrifices to give it to them."

You're joking right at 4 years old! That's parental neglect.

There certainly were boarding schools that took 4 year-olds when I was at school. My school choir went to sing at a school in Whitby that had 4 year-old boarders. My school didn't take boarders younger than 9 and we were all pretty horrified. Even a classmate of mine who had been boarding since 6 and loved it thought that 4 was pushing it a bit!

akaemma and kungfupanda: grateful if you would name the schools (by PM if you prefer for privacy).

www.isc.co.uk/publication_8_0_0_11_781.htm As the ISC 2010 census shows there were no boarders younger than 6 years old last year. There were 7 X 6 year old boarders so exceptional. The numbers did rise to 163 at age 7.

goinggetstough - thank you! Those are the stats I was looking for.

"You're joking right at 4 years old! That's parental neglect."

I didn't mean 4 year olds. The thread had moved on and people were attacking all parents who chose boarding for their child.

The 4 year old argument is redundant because it doesn't happen. Those of you who say you boarded at 43 - when was this? early 90s? 80s? earlier? I'd be very very very surprised if those schools take 4 year olds now. It's possible that some schools would consider it in exceptional circumstances but those circumstances are likely to be quite tragic and diffidcult regardless of the solution and the parents are unlikely to be to blame.

In the area where we live there is "great boarding school with great rep." there are no convict's, drunks's, druggies, poeple at each other's throat children in there, children of affluent toffs high flying type who just can't be bothered with there children.

Ah, that's what I love about MN; the well-balanced and well researched views. So you know every parent personally do you? There are none who have drink problems, drug problems, or are going through bitter divorces, no parents dying of terminal illnesses?