Boarding school at four years old?

[mightybright]

SIL works for the MOD and BIL is in the navy. We were at their house on the military base today and she told me that her neighbour has put her 4 year old daughter into boarding school. I said 'four, that's young' and SIL completely freaked out then stormed away from the table.

I'm not judging their neighbour, I don't even know her, I just said it was young which perhaps in hindsight was insensitive but I do feel she overreacted, aibu?

Sounds unbelievable.... 7 yrs yes, but not 4 yrs.

My friend's father worked abroad, and his mother had extremely severe PND.
He spent holidays with his grandparents and boarded full time at age 4.

They spent a lot of money on the school but it was desolate.
'No one noticed or cared if we were ill. After 4 years they took me away and sent me to a better one.'
4 years!:(

Meditrina is correct - no UK school has borders at 4 - CEA is from 7/8yrs

grabaspoon - the military does not offer a house as a perk - they charge us rent for them! we pay around £500 a month for a 4 bed quarter, plus our private mortgage - or some of it if our own house is being rented out.

Oh and yes, they get good annual leave allowance but it doesn't always cover school hols and most military families move over August and so many don't have a big summer holiday, if any!

No matter how good the school is I would be very worried about my four year old not being able to tell me about something untoward perhaps or telling me a decade later about it, I suppose I maybe be over reacting, but for me it does not bear thinking about it. Lately, things we heard and saw splashed all over the news about these monsters working in state schools and having guts to abuse children in the almost full view, I dread to think what could go on with very young children behind closed doors, in the middle of nowhere in some boarding school. I am not saying that it does go on, but if it does it would not be the first time.

'no UK school has borders at 4 '
I think queen Ethelburgas will take them

"TheBride, yes boarding schools are full of children from from broken homes, dead parents, drunks these people can really afford to send there children to top boarding schools in the country, PLEASE!!!!! And if they are such children in top barding schools then I am all for it, but not at the age of four and those children make up a very, very small minority, would you agree? "

Zlaya, that's ridiculous. Death and divorce is not a preserve of lower income households! We currently have 8 children (does incl 2 sibling pairs so 6 parents) under 14 who have lost a parent, 2 just this year. Broken homes are incredibly common (don't know the stats but I'm guessing 3 or 4 children per class of 16) and addictions/mental health are certainly a problem among wealthier families, they're just better hidden problems!

Yes, I think 4-10 is too young in an ideal worl but a) we don't live in an ideal world and b) I don't expect everyone to agree with me on that.

*So, where exactly is the supposed sacrifice?

Because, if the sacrifice is the supposed wrench of not actually sharing your life with your child...then that's just hog-shit. Because, no one is forcing you at gun-point to send your child away, you are choosing to send your child away. *

But some parents believe, rightly or wrongly, that they are sending the child to school because it will benefit the child, not because it will make their lives easier. Some parents would much prefer to have their child at home but they are making that wrench because they feel it is in their child's interest.

They may be right about that or thay may be wrong but, regardless, the decision often comes from a palce of love and you can't fault the attitude behind it.

They aren't putting their child second they are putting them first in a way that you happen to disagree with. Your choice, their choice, it doesn't make them unloving.

But, IF you are someone who believes that boarding schools provide the best education then the way of loving a child that you describe is a selfish one. YOU love them so YOU want to keep them with YOU because YOU can't bear not being with them.

A parent with that opinion could write the following (based on your model):
"I happen to love my children and so the thought of living apart from them tears me apart. But I want to give them the best chance in life so I have to let them go, even if it means I am choosing them over my own happiness and financial security. If they are happy and benefitting then I need to learn to deal with it. That's loving your child."

Many day children at boarding schools beg their parents to let them join in and board with their friends, I've seen it happen. Often the parents aren't keen but the child is pleading with them. Either they feel they are missing out on the fun their friends have in the evenings or they are so tired after they've done all their prep and travelled a long way home (in some cases) that they're ready for bed anyway and feel like they'd have more time to relax staying in school.

Boarding isn't always a parents' choice for a reluctant child it can often be a child's choice depsite a reluctant parent.

Also, this never see your child, away for most of the year thing isn't the case at all. Most private schools are on holiday or weekend for a third of the year!!

And unfortuately, it is better for some children to live away from their families. It shouldn't be but with some families it is.

LeQueen very well said.

I know some special needs schools that take kids at 5 as boarders. These schools are in the US, but even so, this is still very young.

I agree completely with LeQueen.

But I want to give them the best chance in life so I have to let them go, even if it means I am choosing them over my own happiness and financial security
At 4 yrs old? A mere baby, and you are still the centre of their universe.

Many day children at boarding schools beg their parents to let them join in and board with their friends, I've seen it happen. Often the parents aren't keen but the child is pleading with them

At 4 yrs old?

These are arguments for a DC past 11yrs where they might prefer the stability of the same school and friends to changing every 2 yrs. It isn't the argument for a 4 yr old who only wants, and needs , to be with their family.

I think that 4 yrs is too early to start normal school so I am horrified that anyone could send a DC that age off to boarding school.

I think that I would rather chop of my right arm, than chop off my DC and send them off. How could anyone do it? What can possibly be more important?

Please read the thread there are no 4 year old boarders according to ISC stats. The youngest were age 6 and there were only 7 of them.

OP says she is 4yrs-whether she could get her in or not is neither here nor there-the fact she even thinks of it is appalling.

There must be somewhere. I'm not making it up and seriously doubt they could make something like that up.

they make the sacrifice of not being with their child. Many people seem to assume that parents of boarders don't love their children.

"...if you're the kind of parent who is capable of living apart from your own young child for extended periods, then chances are you have never truly bonded with your child."

What an extraordinary thing to assert.

Fairydoll: there is a link higher up the thread to the school you mention. It is the one that has the youngest starting age (so far identified) but it is Year 1 (so age 6/7), not four year olds.

exoticfruits: the point is not whether she could have got a place - it's demonstrating that there must be a garble somewhere along the line that means the original post isn't accurate. So the mother in question quite possibly would never have dreamed of boarding at 4. My best guess is that "four years old" was said instead of "year 4" (which is when CEA starts).

I think we need OP back to clarify.