Boarding school at four years old?

[mightybright]

SIL works for the MOD and BIL is in the navy. We were at their house on the military base today and she told me that her neighbour has put her 4 year old daughter into boarding school. I said 'four, that's young' and SIL completely freaked out then stormed away from the table.

I'm not judging their neighbour, I don't even know her, I just said it was young which perhaps in hindsight was insensitive but I do feel she overreacted, aibu?

Queen Ethelburga's in harrogate used to take boarders from 4 I think it still does-horrible imho

i went to boarding school when i just turned 9 and parents in the army. i was full time boarder as different country to where parents are based. but there are also weekly boarders and children who went everyday and came home every night- not sure y they went, maybe just because parents thought was good school. maybe that 4 yr old is doing one of those options.
its sad at such a young age but perhaps mum doesnt have many options, depends what she does and you cant justbquit the military. maybe its just til shes done her time so to speak.

pranma: that is the school linked above. It appears it takes boarders from year 1 (so 6/7 yrs), but the whole prep school has less than 20 boarders.

No other school in hulababy's link takes children below 7.

maybe the child has sn?

in which case circs would be different.

I boarded from aged 8 onward until 18 (Africa then Switzerland). Loved it. Would not have liked to be a day pupil at all. Don't feel my parents abandoned me. I missed my parents but on the whole it was an amazingly positive experience for me. Grateful that my parents did this (it provided me with a stability living with my parents would not have, they traveled a lot). I know some of my fellow boarders hated it, but my close circle of friends loved it.

OP, your SIL perhaps knows things about her neighbour's situation, you may have been unwittingly insensitive. I do agree that 4 is very young to be away from your family, but we do not know the full circumstances, nor do you.

Yr 1 is 5yo My DS was 5 + 2 weeks when he started yr 1.

That was the one where I pointed out it charges £6000/ term for boarding. Are they seriously suggesting if you add up what you spend on a child in 3 months that equates? I don't even have that income over 3 months and yet DS has a roof, food, time with me, a life, hobbies etc.

Agree with the (fucking) knackered bit though.

youarekidding- you're right: I got my year groups in a twist!

I can remember seeing something a while ago about ages of prep boarders in UK and I think it said the number of under 7s nationwide was under 20. It was certainly very low. Does anyone have any idea where one might find such stats?

But there doesn't seem to be a school anywhere in UK that takes 4 year olds.

Might she have meant year 4?

Ah yes could have meant year 4 - that would be 8yo. Would your SIL reaction possibly be beacuse she is planning to send her own 8yo?

I can't personally imagine sending a 4 year old to boarding school, but DS1 chose to board at age 12 and has boarded for 3 years now and loves it. DS2, who is 10 has been begging to board since his brother started. I'd prefer him not to board, but I suspect we will decide to board him later on for his GCSE's or a bit before.

I think without knowing individual circumstances it's very hard to comment. It isn't necessarily a parent putting their career before their child, maybe they have weighed up the pros and cons and decided this is the best solution for all. I think some people are so againbst boarding schools, it wouldn't really have mattered how old the child mentioned in the OP was.

Plus, I know of parents who work full time, very long hours, xtra hours at weekends and don't get anywhere near the sort of holidays someone working for the forces would get, so they quite probably see their babies much less than this Mother would overall.

Course it's wrong Grabaspoon. Children that age need parents/family. It's a need not just a want.

My FIL has dementia now and he is reliving being at boarding school everyday. Even before his dementia he used to say he was so unhappy not being able to live at home. His mother lived 25 miles away and was involved in charity work!

My mother went at 3, with her ayah, to a boarding school in India. It damaged her - she has emotional issues that still affect her today.

I don't think I could have been parted from my DD when she was 4. At 14 however, I would pack her bags!

4 you say? That's very young, I have a nearly 4 year old.

So. Um. Which boarding school is this that takes 4 year olds? Anyone got a phonenumber and enrollment form link? Just for research purposes, mind...

punk and tatty I know. I was thrilled interested to learn most boarding schools take children from 7. Especially as my almost 7yo is being an absolute little bugger is pushing his luck atm.

op is there any chance after your SIL reaction she would discuss this further with you? I mean she bought it up so maybe should have accepted your reaction - which wasn't that bad IMO.

my MIL went to boarding school at the age of 4, her parents lived/worked in the Cameroons.

She is the most delightful, caring lady I know, very family orientated and loves her parents to distraction.

but imo 4 is way too young, wait until secondary school, when they can at least choose whether they wish to board.

Why have a kid then?
Boarding school at 12/13 is all right as long as you've built up a close relationship beforehand- but they're still babies at four!

There's a lot of judgey-pants on this thread. You don't know what the mother's situation is. I know people in the military who have cried their eyes out over sending their children to boarding school, but they had no choice. Most people outside the military have no clue what it's like. Possibly SIL has heard way too many judgey comments on the subject of boarding school, which is a fact of life for many military children, and just didn't need to hear one more. No doubt OP didn't intend it to be insensitive, but if a parent is struggling with a very hard decision about childcare and schooling, they need support and sympathy, not someone pointing out the blindingly obvious (that 4 is horribly young). I'll bet she knows that already.

Does she hates her child so much??????? What happens when the LITTLE ONE gets ill, homesick, just wants her mum as four year olds do? My opinion, the child will grow up, resent the mother for life and never have normal close mother daughter bond, probably scared for life, is that worth any salary? NO

Please, let's not reprise the military families and boarding school threads!

I remain sceptical about all this, as it appears there are no UK boarding schools which take 4 year olds. Something, somewhere along the line, must have been garbled.

4 years old - still a baby IMO, that's really upsetting to think about.

Triphop
You are quite right. I do not know what it is like to be in a military family. I would genuinely welcome enlightenment on why a child, having been born to a parent in the forces, needs to be at boarding school at age 4.

It just proves to me time after time, not everybody should a parent if you are not cut out for it, if you are not prepared to make to make any changes in your life to accommodate this wonderful being that is a child.

Mightybright - not sure why we didn't cry. Partly being brave, partly not needing to. I found boarding as a teenager much worse than as a 9 yr old, because that was when I needed more support.

I can see why people do send their kids to board but would not do it if I could help it, and not at age 4.