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Original poster

My 5 year old daughter given a 5 day detention!

156 replies

Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 16:59

I received a call to say my daughter had a few incidences with another child. They were unaware of anything but apparently my daughter had nipped the other child. When asked my daughter said that the other girl had slapped her and admitted she nipped her. She was sorry for what she had done. The school have obviously had a complaint from the other mum and has said that other things have happened althought nothing has been seen by the teachers and as with this incident my daughter had been hit and had retaliated. I was told she had to stay in at lunchtime but by the time i arrived at the school to pick her up i was given a letter to say she had detention for 5 days. Now i was unaware that a child of that age would be given a detention at all, let alone for that long for something that happened the week before. My daughter will not understand what she is being punished for and i find this rather extreme. The headteacher refused to lift the detention and my daughter had to stay in every lunchtime and breaktime. Im appalled by this punishment and so are a number of other teachers and professional people i have spoken to. The local secondary school doesnt even sanction that length of time of detention on 11 to 15 year olds. How can they get away with this???

OP posts:
EssentialFattyAcid · 19/06/2011 17:02

Biting is usually viewed as quite serious and most children do not bite at this age ime.

TotorosOcarina · 19/06/2011 17:04

i think thats awful!!

speaking as a mum of a 5 year old whoo was bitten y a classmate recently, i would not have wanted the biter to miss playtime for 5 days a week after the incident!

faverolles · 19/06/2011 17:07

Am I missing where it's said she was a biter Confused

Actually, age 5, I think whatever the crime, the punishment is OTT.

justpaddling · 19/06/2011 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotorosOcarina · 19/06/2011 17:08

im pretty sure 'nip' means bite :)

pozzled · 19/06/2011 17:08

By 'detention' you mean that she is being kept in at lunchtime and breaktime all week? And nothing has been seen, this is all based on what the other child has said, and the fact that your daughter admitted it when asked?

I would expect biting to be punished quite firmly, but this does sound like a long punishment for her age. Is the other child being punished for the slap? If I were you I would want to meet with the teacher and discuss what exactly led to the biting/slapping incident e.g what history is there between the two of them. What are the school doing to prevent further problems- it shouldn't just be punishment, they should be using other methods e.g. separating them, rewards for positive behaviour etc. And I would ask to see and discuss the school's behaviour policy- this should set out clearly how they deal with bad behaviour.

Macaroona · 19/06/2011 17:09

Do you mean pinching with fingers or biting? I agree the punishment is inappropriate for a 5yo.

faverolles · 19/06/2011 17:10

In my neck of the woods a nip is done with fingers. Teeth aren't usually involved.

OvO · 19/06/2011 17:10

I thought nip meant pinched.

But anyway it does sound ott whichever it was!

purepurple · 19/06/2011 17:10

I read nipped as pinched. I agree it is totally OTT for her age. Any age really. She is entitled to have breaks surely?
I would write a letter of complaint to the school governers and the head and possibly the local education authority too.

NeatFreak · 19/06/2011 17:11

I think nipping means pinching... agree its excessive, even if it was biting

Rosa · 19/06/2011 17:12

OTT for a 5 yr old .......

pozzled · 19/06/2011 17:13

Ah, i would always read 'nip' as involving teeth. If it's a pinch then it's definitely a very excessive punishment.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 19/06/2011 17:13

Neh that would be a pinch faverolles.

OP can you tell us, did she bite or pinch.

The punishment is OTT for either IMO.

babybythesea · 19/06/2011 17:14

I'm sure people will be along with suggestions as to what to do, but I just thought I'd say you are definitely not being unreasonable.
At that age, punishment needs to follow fairly quickly after the event, and then it all needs to be forgotten about.
A similar thing happened to my niece in New Zealand. When she was 6, she was playing chase with a boy from two classes above her in the playground at lunchtime, and she seems to have thrown herself at him which resulted in the two of them going headlong. This happened at the end of lunchtime, so the school decided not to punish her that day, but to leave it until the following lunchtime. When my SIL went to get her ready for school the next day she wouldn't go - there were screaming fits and tears and she had to be virtually dragged to school. She was fearful of her punishment. And the thing is, she didn't know what she'd done wrong. So she knew she was going to spend lunchtime on her own not playing with her friends but she couldn't explain the reason. When my SIL spoke to school, turns out they'd interpreted her throwing herself at the lad as being inappropriate behaviour - she was accused of trying to touch his private parts - not by the lad himself but by the teacher who didn't witness it. So they'd come down on her really heavily. She was already unhappy with school and this was the thing that pushed her over the edge into hating it. (Then she was diagnosed with dyslexia, my SIL got help for her, and it has all improved hugely). My SIL was furious but with limited school choice where they are there was nothing she could really do about it.

I think making a child wait for punishment, at that age, is really really wrong as it turns school into a horrible threat. And every lunchtime and playtime is excessive. She needs to be able to burn energy off if nothing else. What happened to the other child (the one who hit?)

faverolles · 19/06/2011 17:14

OP, come back! We neeeeeeed you before we start fighting over definitions of nip Wink

Greythorne · 19/06/2011 17:15

"Nip" where I come from (ooop north) does NOT mean bite, it means pinch with fingers.
OP, please clarify if you mean bite (teeth) or pinch (fingers).

AmazingBouncingFerret · 19/06/2011 17:15

I read it as biting aswell... as in "oooh the little blighter just nipped me" when talking about a hamster.. Grin

Hulababy · 19/06/2011 17:15

Isn't "nipping" the same as pinching the skin with fingers, not biting?

5 days of missed playtime is a lot of punishment for a 5yo, especially a week after the incident. I would say that the punishment is too much at his stage.

Bearskinwoolies · 19/06/2011 17:15

My ds was given three days of detention for a biting incident - which I protested and it was cut to one day - he is 11, and he bit a boy who was pinning him down so that another boy could kick him in the head.

As I politely loudly pointed out to the headteacher, the two bullies had received no punishment and that punishing the victim for being bullied was extremely unfair.

I would make an appointment to see the head, and ask for a justification of such an extreme punishment for a five year old; it sounds like they are punishing your dd for incidents based on hearsay from the other parent (as they admit they haven't seen anything themselves).

JamieAgain · 19/06/2011 17:16

I think it's too long for a 5 year old.

Bearskinwoolies · 19/06/2011 17:16

Oh and I forgot Blush

YANBU

DaisyDaresYOU · 19/06/2011 17:16

There supposedly had been a few incidences with the child so maybe it wasn't just the nip she's in detention for??What were the other incidences?

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:17

By nipping i mean a pinch, not biting, she has never bitten and is a loving child. She has recently been bullied by another girl who nips her and scratches her and has scarred her forehead where she dug her nails into her. Im assuming that she has got the nipping or pinching from her as i have never known her to do this. Im assuming this at her age was a reaction to the other girl slapping her.

OP posts:
Blackduck · 19/06/2011 17:18

A nip means a pinch to me and if she is retaliating the other child should be punished too. And is OTT