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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old daughter given a 5 day detention!

156 replies

Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 16:59

I received a call to say my daughter had a few incidences with another child. They were unaware of anything but apparently my daughter had nipped the other child. When asked my daughter said that the other girl had slapped her and admitted she nipped her. She was sorry for what she had done. The school have obviously had a complaint from the other mum and has said that other things have happened althought nothing has been seen by the teachers and as with this incident my daughter had been hit and had retaliated. I was told she had to stay in at lunchtime but by the time i arrived at the school to pick her up i was given a letter to say she had detention for 5 days. Now i was unaware that a child of that age would be given a detention at all, let alone for that long for something that happened the week before. My daughter will not understand what she is being punished for and i find this rather extreme. The headteacher refused to lift the detention and my daughter had to stay in every lunchtime and breaktime. Im appalled by this punishment and so are a number of other teachers and professional people i have spoken to. The local secondary school doesnt even sanction that length of time of detention on 11 to 15 year olds. How can they get away with this???

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:18

I have wrote to the head whom has refused to budge (its already happened anyway and i want an explanation to this detention) I have wrote to the chair of governors and the head of education and awaiting replies

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 19/06/2011 17:20

I think you need to go in to the school to discuss this further if it's part of a series of attacks and retaliations.

pozzled · 19/06/2011 17:21

Then you do need to go in and have a long discussion with the teacher about why they felt this punishment was appropriate, how the other child was dealt with for the slap and what strategies they are putting in place to prevent further problems.

Missing break and lunchtime for 5 days for a pinch is madness. In my school that kind of punishment would be used for much older children, and then only for serious incidents of fighting or bullying. A 5 year-old pinching would get a serious telling off, usually from someone other than their class teacher, and maybe miss one breaktime.

purepurple · 19/06/2011 17:21

If you get no joy from the governers have you considered writing to your local MP or minister for education? Go straight to the top.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:23

Daisy - I have not been told what other incidences they are , just that the parent has said their have been other incidences but i am unaware what they are and im awaiting an explanation, i still do not think 5 days detention is appropriate at her age. I spoke to a consultant on thursday and she said at her age, she should be put on the time out spot and then introduced back into the class for learing, not punished like that, she isnt old enough to reflect like a teenager would, about what she did the week before, plus she had already been punished

OP posts:
dearprudence · 19/06/2011 17:24

I initially read 'nip' as a pinch too. A bite would be more serious, and there should be a sanction.

But a 5 day detention seems way over the top. Your DD has made a bad mistake if she's bitten another child and there should be some kind of punishment, but not this. If it was my child, I'd be really cross and would be imposing sanctions at home as well. Biting is really not on.

If it was just a pinch, then surely a stern word with both girls would be enough.

Ask to see a copy of the school's behaviour policy. This should set out what types of sanctions are imposed.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:24

Pozzled - Her teacher doesnt agree with the punishment, only the head has imposed this. She said my daughter was dealt with in time out and is quite a loving child. Im hoping i get a reply for the chair of governors soon.

OP posts:
Macaroona · 19/06/2011 17:24

This might be a bit if a red flag for how the school deal with punishments in general OP - it may seem a bit OTT but personally my faith in the school's ability to make professional judgements regarding behaviour and discipline would be a bit wrecked after this and I might even look at moving your DD somewhere else! Teacher here btw.

MrsRhettButler · 19/06/2011 17:25

Wow, I read it as bite and thought the punishment was excessive but for a pinch? I would defo complain about this

Was the other child punished for slapping?

allthefires · 19/06/2011 17:25

I'm disgusted. Very Ott.

dearprudence · 19/06/2011 17:27

Sorry, cross post (DS interrputed my while I was mid-type). The 5 day detention is OTT in any case, but for a pinch it's ridiculous. A telling-off for both children would be enough.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:28

I dont think the other child was punished, they're treatin my daughter as if shes nasty and she certainly isnt. I have been advised to move her by a few people and im seriously considering it as shes a lively happy bouncy child and is now saying she doesnt want to go to school :( I dont want her happiness taken away from her, she should be enjoying school at her age. Shes only in Reception! Thanks Marcaroona... i have a few teachers whom arent happy at the school and are wanting to leave cos of the headteacher and im understanding now why.

OP posts:
Macaroona · 19/06/2011 17:30

Please move her Sad I'm sure she will thrive elsewhere but if she is treated as a naughty, nasty girl then she will quickly turn into one!

Sorry to scaremonger but I feel quite strongly about it. Also the fact the teachers are unhappy there is a massive warning.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:30

dearprudence - i agree totally and im all for punishment where necessary but not something like this at her age - i have looked at the behaviour policy and written back to the head as it says nothing about detentions given but that a child is encouraged to own up and will be forgiven if they're very sorry of which she did all of this. So clearly this isnt the case for them!

OP posts:
faverolles · 19/06/2011 17:32

Even if the dd is being punished for a catalogue of events, surely at that age the parents would be called in to discuss the behaviour, and even then, the punishment is far, far too severe.

This is the sort of punishment that would be used in year 5 or 6 at my dc's school, and would be for something serious like stealing or bullying and parents would have been in to discuss why and when etc.

At 5 this is shocking. Definitely complain, and do agree that I would be having serious doubts of my dd's future at the school if the head can be this harsh on a 5 yo.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:33

Macaroona - im with you on this, and she settles anywhere she is as shes confident and will get along with anybody. I am worried that is she stays there, she will change into exactly that and i dont want her to :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:36

Faverolles - yes thats why im confused, her teacher was unaware of whats happened but my daughter owned up to what she did and was very sorry. It was in retaliation of which wasnt right and i wouldnt have been happy. I would have expected to have been notified about it so that we could discuss it and prevent anything else happen, but i knew nothing until they sanctioned the detention. I felt so sorry for my daughter especially when its taken about 2 months to stop another girl from bullying her and marking her face on numerous times. I have no faith in their system now. They should work with parents - where is the teacher -parent relationship?

OP posts:
peanutbutterkid · 19/06/2011 17:36

You need to know about the other incidents.

faverolles · 19/06/2011 17:37

Someone said about going to your MP or the LA. If enough unhappy parents complain, might they suggest the HT backs down and does some sort of positive teaching course?
(I haven't a clue if they could, or if it would just come down to a case of her school, her rules, in which case parents will no doubt start to vote with their feet)

Macaroona · 19/06/2011 17:38

Start looking into your options for other schools asap. Schools are meant to stick to set behaviour policies to prevent random punishments like this, and here you have the head overriding your DD's teacher on giving this ridiculous punishment! Have a meeting with the head and take the behaviour policy with you.

But please make your priority moving your DD in time for September if at all possible.

BrianAndHisBalls · 19/06/2011 17:39

I would move her because the way they've dealt with it is incorrect, imo there should have been a meeting and the other parent should have been present so that you could hear what has allegedly happened before etc.

5 days for a pinch?? Bizarre for a 5 year old. Even if it had been a bite (which is what nip means here in the Midlands) it would have been excessive.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:40

peanutbutterkids - yeh i agree, a letter is going in tomorrow asking for an explanation. Just seems a bit funny that in the meeting and previous letter from the head, nothing has been mentioned. Surely they would have backed the detention up with it. I still feel if there are other incidences (of clearly havent been seen by any teacher as they have already told me this, that they were unaware of anything) that this was still inappropriate to sanction as no conversation had taken place with myself about it

OP posts:
chelstonmum · 19/06/2011 17:45

Oh thats shocking!

Call and demand to speak to your local head of education, politely say if someone does not return your call within the course of the day you will have no option but to contact the secretary of state for education as this is a blatant breakdown on communication with the school and a blatant over-reaction by the head teacher.

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tel: 020 7219 3000
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email: [email protected]

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 17:46

Thank you chelston mum :)

OP posts:
Macaroona · 19/06/2011 17:50

I think you have to keep your DD at the top of priorities OP - the school have dealt with it appallingly but a sustained campaign, while being satisfying for you, is a distraction from your main aim of getting your DD a positive educational experience. She is not going to get it here, and you have to focus on getting her moved.

Contacting governors might be good in terms of building them a case to get rid of the head Wink but even if she went, it takes a long time to rebuild staff morale.