Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 5 year old daughter given a 5 day detention!

156 replies

Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 16:59

I received a call to say my daughter had a few incidences with another child. They were unaware of anything but apparently my daughter had nipped the other child. When asked my daughter said that the other girl had slapped her and admitted she nipped her. She was sorry for what she had done. The school have obviously had a complaint from the other mum and has said that other things have happened althought nothing has been seen by the teachers and as with this incident my daughter had been hit and had retaliated. I was told she had to stay in at lunchtime but by the time i arrived at the school to pick her up i was given a letter to say she had detention for 5 days. Now i was unaware that a child of that age would be given a detention at all, let alone for that long for something that happened the week before. My daughter will not understand what she is being punished for and i find this rather extreme. The headteacher refused to lift the detention and my daughter had to stay in every lunchtime and breaktime. Im appalled by this punishment and so are a number of other teachers and professional people i have spoken to. The local secondary school doesnt even sanction that length of time of detention on 11 to 15 year olds. How can they get away with this???

OP posts:
zipzap · 21/06/2011 22:56

Ask to see the policy where it says that the punishment for pinching is 5 days worth of detention and then ask to see a list of all the other punishments for typical infant school offences - biting, slapping, kicking, name calling etc. Oh and not forgetting scarring another child as that happened to your dd. And whether it makes any difference whether the child initiated the action or was doing it in self defence.

and then find out exactly how many other children were punished for pinching by the same severity as your dd. And if not - why not.

agree with other posters that they have been way too harsh on your dd, especially given the circumstances.

would also be tempted to have the meeting with the head - but to ensure that you have had written info from her first so you are there to discuss her position rather than to learn what it is. And as others have said to make sure that it is minuted and you get to agree the minutes are correct - or could you take minutes yourself (or take a friend to do them?). And have you got anything you could record the meeting on - all above board rather than surreptitiously - so that you can say that you are all covered by it and to make sure that you don't forget or miss anything...

jgbmum · 21/06/2011 23:05

I hope you are able to get some answers soon for your daughter's sake.

And I agree the punishment sounds completely unreasonable!

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 22/06/2011 11:55

I have refused to go in as i feel the HT talks their way out of things and have asked for the written explanation. Hopefully will be on my doorstep tonight when i get in. I still feel that the complaint has to be made against the HT for this punishment that has already taken place and i will ask about all those things you mentioned zipzap. Thank you. May i also just say my daughter pleaded me not to take her to school today as people are always being nasty to her :( hope i get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
umf · 22/06/2011 12:56

Good luck, Cherry.

Write a brief bullet point sequence of exactly what you understand has happened? Making it clear that you were not kept informed, the HT acted contrary to the school's behaviour policy, and that DD did not understand the reason for her "punishment".

Oblomov · 22/06/2011 13:05

The whole thing beggars belief.

twoistwiceasfun · 22/06/2011 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoritaViva · 22/06/2011 18:16

TWOIST - what's an FOI request?

Cherry this is taking forever, it is ridiculous. The HT sounds like a bugger, I would contact the head governor if you don't receive something tonight.

youarekidding · 22/06/2011 19:41

cherry any news? Did you get a letter?

I think the HT stalling means he hasn't enough reason and knows this or is searching for reasons to justify this and thats taking time.

PrettyMeerkat · 22/06/2011 20:03

Wow that sounds harsh!

twoistwiceasfun · 22/06/2011 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoritaViva · 22/06/2011 20:22

Twoist - thanks, hadn't ever seen it in an acronym. Ill and in bed and not connecting the dots.

twoistwiceasfun · 22/06/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherry2011 · 23/06/2011 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleducks · 23/06/2011 11:01

You may want to get that last message pulled....it mentions your dd's name

SenoritaViva · 23/06/2011 11:04

Yes, I am glad you are making a formal complaint. Put it this way, if they HAD been so concerned about your daughter's behaviour then one of the first steps would have been to speak to the parent(s) about it way before it reached 5 day detention. I still feel that the punishment, for her age, even if there had been 'ongoing behaviour' would have been too tough.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 23/06/2011 12:18

oh yes thanks for that Littleducks :) not sure how to do that

OP posts:
PrettyMeerkat · 23/06/2011 13:04

Not sure if I have missed it (probably) but are the school still going ahead with the detentions?

youarekidding · 23/06/2011 13:18

cherry I take it theres been an update?

Hope everythings OK and your getting the information both you and your DD derserve.

wonka · 23/06/2011 13:40

Hope you get things sorted out. As I now know a child who is unhappy in school has HUGE knock on effects!

SenoritaViva · 23/06/2011 15:18

PrettyMeerrkat The detentions happened last week.

Insomnia11 · 23/06/2011 15:55

Sounds a bit like my experience at school - I used to fight with another girl at school - we had a love hate relationship, though mostly hate. It went on when we were 7/8 then stopped after that.

She would start being all friendly and nice and then wanted to sit next to me...always just so she could copy my work, which I hated as I thought I might get in trouble for it...you know if we both made the same mistakes then there would be questions as to who copied whom. Sometimes I'd feel a bit sorry for her as no-one else wanted her to sit next to them. We would start arguing about the copying work, then she'd come up to me in the playground and kick me hard in the shins, and I'd punch her on the arm...then usually she'd cry and run off to a dinner lady...who would usually take my side TBH.

She started going to my dance class and I'd already been going for a couple of years already so obviously I was a bit ahead in medals/exams and stuff. I was also very ahead for my age at school.

I honestly now think her mum triggered it off by saying something to her daughter at home, I always found her a bit moody and snappy and wonder if she just couldn't bear that I was on a different reading scheme and so on. Oh when I was seven we did the Nutcracker as a school play and I was chosen as Clara, which probably didn't help - I tended to get good parts as I could remember all my lines and everyone elses. Hmm

Anyway after one fight her mum must have had a word with the school and said I was "Bullying" her daughter and a letter was sent home to my parents. I told them everything that had been happening (had told them bits before)and they spoke to the school, don't recall what they did but it did seem we didn't sit together in lessons as much after that!

Oh, I should also say her mum bawled my dad out at the dance class...now my dad can be stern and a grumpy sod but is also very very patient and mild-mannered, in 35 years I can count on one hand the times he has raised his voice or uttered a swear word...I didn't hear the argument at the time but apparently he did yell at her back and said a few choice words were said Shock.

Anyway sorry to be long-winded - seem to be getting a lot off my chest recently. My point was we certainly weren't punished at school - and I think what happened to OP's DD was totally unreasonable.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 26/06/2011 19:24

Spoken to someone at the top and they say i have already put my complaint in by copying the governor and head of education in and the fact that she has backtracked in the letter shows that she realises what she has done to my DD was wrong. Unfortunately i've had a lot of stress and although i cant say it was due to that, I lost my baby early hours this morning. I was only 11 weeks and devastated. Having all this going on certainly didnt help. I have taken my DD out of the school and she starts a new school tomorrow which is a relief :)

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 26/06/2011 19:34

I'd be furious. So nobody saw any of this, even your teacher, and your dd is beign punished for something another child told her mother your dd did?? Madness. And the punishmebnt is totally ott as well. the HT shoudl back up the teacher, not impose separate punishments. I'd emet wiht the HT and class teacher and sort it out. Let us know what happens.

CocktailQueen · 26/06/2011 19:34

meet with! sorry.

JessKM · 26/06/2011 19:37

By the end of the 5 days your child will probably so confused she wont remember what shes in 'detention' for. I think thats shockingly excessive for a five year old, a stern talking to and made to apologise to the other party (who probably wasnt innocent!) would suffice!
PLus, your child being out of the 'playground loop' for an entire week could be extremely damaging, not only for her self esteem but for her friendships and also the way the other children will view her!! PLaytime is there for them to build their social skills, run of some steam and get some exercise!
I would request an immediate meeting with the headteacher tomorrow and demand their reasoning behind this, and if they dont respect your views you just say, please can I have the number for Ofsted parents line, which by law they have to provide you with openly! Im sure they will do a pretty quick u-turn, give her a grilling and send her off out to play!

GOOD LUCK!

(if all else fails, you could just nip the other childs mother when no one is looking Hmm