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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old daughter given a 5 day detention!

156 replies

Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 16:59

I received a call to say my daughter had a few incidences with another child. They were unaware of anything but apparently my daughter had nipped the other child. When asked my daughter said that the other girl had slapped her and admitted she nipped her. She was sorry for what she had done. The school have obviously had a complaint from the other mum and has said that other things have happened althought nothing has been seen by the teachers and as with this incident my daughter had been hit and had retaliated. I was told she had to stay in at lunchtime but by the time i arrived at the school to pick her up i was given a letter to say she had detention for 5 days. Now i was unaware that a child of that age would be given a detention at all, let alone for that long for something that happened the week before. My daughter will not understand what she is being punished for and i find this rather extreme. The headteacher refused to lift the detention and my daughter had to stay in every lunchtime and breaktime. Im appalled by this punishment and so are a number of other teachers and professional people i have spoken to. The local secondary school doesnt even sanction that length of time of detention on 11 to 15 year olds. How can they get away with this???

OP posts:
pozzled · 19/06/2011 17:50

Cherry You do definitely need to take this further. The head is way out of order here if they haven't even acted according to their own behaviour policy. It sounds to me as though he/she had a bad day, gave out a ridiculously unfair punishment and then felt that they had to stick with it rather than admit that they had made a mistake.

As you say, if there have been other problems between your DD and this child, it is even more important that you should have been fully informed and had a chance to discuss the problems.

The lack of communication, together with your concerns about your DD being bullied would be making me look around for other schools.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 19/06/2011 17:50

Doesn't sound fair especially as she was being bullied herself. I would look into moving her and then making a formal complaint.

Mumbrane · 19/06/2011 17:52

I am a teacher (secondary, not primary) and I think this is a seriously OTT reaction from the school and sounds like very bad practice.

Complain in writing to the Headteacher and CC in the governors and someone from your LEA.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/06/2011 17:55

Sounds OTT to me.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:00

Mumbrane - I have done all that and copied the exact people you have said, the head replied next day saying she was sticking with it, not had a reply from others yet. I have another letter to send asking for an explanation of what has given her justfication to sanction this punishment to a 5 year old

OP posts:
Miggsie · 19/06/2011 18:10

I agree you need to keep asking for justification, but also note down each and every incident of this girl picking on your DD.
With my very cynical hat on I think the other girl's parents have "got at" the head. I cannot think of any other reason why a head would impose a massive punishment like this when the class teacher had already dealt with it, which frankly looks like a form of public ostracism rather than a means to stop a child's perceived bad behaviour.

zipzap · 19/06/2011 18:13

I would also be asking what punishments the other child was receiving for hitting your child and be demanding equal punishments as you could argue that instigating hitting is worse than retaliating. and double-checking that she is being punished for pinching and not biting given the confusion shown on this thread there certainly seems to be scope for it.

I would also be asking to know what punishments the other child that bullied your dd received for permanently scarring your daughter - and point out that if she wasn't punished for doing what your daughter did then how exactly was your dd to know it was so wrong? And how exactly are they going to punish her now as they obviously don't mind punishing after the event plus as your dd hasn't scarred anyone then maybe the other girl should be punished for a fortnight or month to reflect appropriate severity...

It also sounds like the school needs to be running a session or two on what to do when somebody is bullying you!

Yanbu - the ht has definitely gone ott punishing your dd. Are the parents that complained local bigwigs/donors/family friends of ht/governors/etc which is why the ht is so intent on showing she is taking the incident seriously and punishing your dd?

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:14

I totally agree Miggsie and im thinking the exact thing but when nothing has been seen or proven, how can they punish her at all? I'm glad my daughter owned up to what she did and knows it was wrong but it hasnt helped her has it? Totally shocked by the whole thing, i've been so upset and lost sleep all week. Im 10 weeks pregnant and my hormones are all over the place but really could do without the stress :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:16

Nipping her does mean a pinch zipzap and she knew what it was. I have just wrote a letter asking what punishment the other girl got and have asked a whole lot more

OP posts:
twoistwiceasfun · 19/06/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:19

The HT is catholic and left a catholic school to come to a non catholic school - she is pretty new, only been there a couple of years really. Im wondering if its cos of the complaints i have kept putting in because of the other girl that bullied my daughter or that it is cos of the other 'mum' getting at the head, esp when my daughter and the other girl in question have never had a problem before. I just dont know and i want answers. But still will not agree with what she has done :(

OP posts:
KilledBill · 19/06/2011 18:25

This is even more crazy when you consider there is another thread on here at the moment, where a year 6 child who is 10 or 11, stabbed another child and tried to cut his face with a stanley knife, and got about two weeks luchtime detention.

The two extremes it appears, so in one school you can pinch a child, aged 5, and miss a weeks worth of playtime, yet in another, you can stab someone and get the same punishment. Hmm

Dont let it drop I wouldnt. Is there any reason why they might have singled your DD out?

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:30

OMG! KilledBill i am shocked! My daughter is such a loving child usually and im assuming that she retaliated due to the bullying she has previously just received. I do not know why she has singled her out, but she said my daughter is high above average and very lively and sang her praises so im unsure why she has done this :(

OP posts:
pranma · 19/06/2011 18:34

If a puppy nips it is a bite-if a child does it it is a pinch-if a school gives a 5 yr old a 5 day punishment it is ridiculous.

K999 · 19/06/2011 18:34

I would argue that they are breaching her human rights. Article 5 re right not to be unlawfully detained. Article 2 re degrading treatment.

Some schools make parents sign a contact re their discipline policies. Have you signed a contract like this? Even so, this does not detract from basic human rights.

A bit extreme perhaps but hey I like to go in heavy handed and use shock tactics...Grin

K999 · 19/06/2011 18:37

Article 2 right to education
Article 3 degrading treatment

Sorry, misquoted my articles there!!

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:39

Thanks K999 will look into that. I may have signed something when she started nursery last year but there definitely werent anything in there about punishment like this. I am not going to let it lie, it needs addressing this type of punishment given to children in Reception.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 19/06/2011 18:40

YANBU.

Children are impulsive at this age. I would say the slapper slapped impulsively and your DD reacted impulsively. Time for a chat about behaviour/ telling teacher not a punishment.

I am actually someone who hates pinching, I find it spiteful but can see where it's done as bullying/ spitefulness and as a reaction. Here it appears to be the latter.

Even if it was spiteful - eg your DD instigated it a whole week lunchtime punishment is way OTT. In fact I would go as far as saying its counterproductive. It will make her feel ostracised and she will miss out on so much social time making her feel angry. And that could lead to more problems.

I would agree about going to the top. This is not on IMO.

And I'm an early years practitioner.

K999 · 19/06/2011 18:43

Given that she is only 5 I don't think they have a leg to stand on tbh. Especially since she is also below the age of criminal responsibility. They are acting completely disproportionately IMO.

They also cannot detain her without her permission, which at 5 she is not likely to be able to give. There are other punishments the school could hand out, like loss of privileges, golden time etc. Hence the proportionality argument....

BitOfFun · 19/06/2011 18:43

I think I would be tempted to play it down, and get on with things. Water under the bridge and all that, detention never killed anyone.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 18:49

yes you could play it down but then she is free to get away to keep doing this. There are alot of children that are nasty and do horrible things and they have not been given punishment like that so i do not see this as justifiable and especially since my daughter apologised, was put into time out and had already been dealt with. How on earth will a 5 year old understand when she had done nothing that day why she is having to stay in all week, isolated from all the other children??

OP posts:
befuzzled · 19/06/2011 18:52

I think a 5 day punishments for a reception age child is ridiculous - they don't remember/realise what they're being punished for for that long. I think in an incident like this both children should have had to sit out one playtime and that would have been that. I think you need to find out what other incidents have happenned.

K999 · 19/06/2011 18:53

Cherry, don't play it down. I wouldn't. Fair enough, a 5 year old being punished etc. But IMO the HT has gone too far.....

Macaroona · 19/06/2011 18:53

I agree Cherry - a week is a really long time for a 5yo Sad

There is a time and a place for detentions, so I wouldn't go down the legal route as IMO you'll seem a bit bonkers. It's as you say the disproportionality.

takethisonehereforastart · 19/06/2011 19:06

Not defending the head at all but if she has previously been complimentary about your daughter and now she is dishing out a harsh punishment, could she perhaps be thinking that this punishment will deter a usually very good pupil from behaving badly again and "keep her on the right path" so to speak? Where a lesser punishment might not have the same effect?

FWIW I think she has been far too harsh with your daughter and very unreasonable in not explaining to you what the other issues between your daughter and this girl were. She shouldn't punish her so harshly without explaining to you what your daughter has done or giving your daughter a chance to defend herself.

If this instance was a result of another girl slapping your daughter then any other incidents could well be for similar reasons. Or that little girl could have lied to her parents very easily either for sympathy or because she knows she started the trouble but thinks this is a good way to get out of it etc.

And I read 'nip' to be a pinch too, I'd only read it as 'bite' if it were an animal and then as not being hard enough to do damage or break skin.