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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old daughter given a 5 day detention!

156 replies

Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 16:59

I received a call to say my daughter had a few incidences with another child. They were unaware of anything but apparently my daughter had nipped the other child. When asked my daughter said that the other girl had slapped her and admitted she nipped her. She was sorry for what she had done. The school have obviously had a complaint from the other mum and has said that other things have happened althought nothing has been seen by the teachers and as with this incident my daughter had been hit and had retaliated. I was told she had to stay in at lunchtime but by the time i arrived at the school to pick her up i was given a letter to say she had detention for 5 days. Now i was unaware that a child of that age would be given a detention at all, let alone for that long for something that happened the week before. My daughter will not understand what she is being punished for and i find this rather extreme. The headteacher refused to lift the detention and my daughter had to stay in every lunchtime and breaktime. Im appalled by this punishment and so are a number of other teachers and professional people i have spoken to. The local secondary school doesnt even sanction that length of time of detention on 11 to 15 year olds. How can they get away with this???

OP posts:
youarekidding · 19/06/2011 19:15

I was actually wondering something similar myself takethis but couldn't find the right way to say it.

It's almost like you DD is lovely and intelligent and has been a victim of bullying so the HT has gone OTT to her in some wierd kinda stop her becomming a bully stance. (not saying she is btw as I dont think yabu) Maybe a kinda you understand how it feels and have made complaints so don't do it yourself.

But if 2 children were involved then they should get exacting punishments. AND every child who harms another should get the same from here on in or you have a case for victimisation.

I think BoF is suggesting plaing it down to DD which I agree with actually or she'll dwell and feel worse. Its your battle with the HT not your DD's. She will always remember the time mummy stood up for her and will feel loved for that without it domineering your whole week.

It's actually very Sad situation for a 5yo.

DaisyDaresYOU · 19/06/2011 19:17

I have to say though op that they operate behaviour cards in ds school Green for good,orange for in the middle behaviour and red for bad behaviour.Ds came home with an orange one and an explanation of what he had done.I dealt with it as soon as I took it out of his bag.Sorry your dds being bullied btw Sad

homeboys · 19/06/2011 19:24

.

ZhenXiang · 19/06/2011 19:25

5 days break and lunch time is far too much time, in the school I work in even year 6's do not get that level of punishment for behaviour that is far worse than a pinch, complain.

Sitting on carpet for one short playtime or the time out table/chair for 5-10 minutes would have been enough at 5 years old for them to get the message.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 19:27

Well luckily my daughter knows nothing of whats going on, she doesnt even understand why she was kept in all last week. Ive not even mentioned anything in front of her so shes unaware of how angry i feel about it. I just reiterate to her about the importance of being good and if someone hits her she must tell the teacher and not retaliate.

OP posts:
K999 · 19/06/2011 19:31

Cherry, what was she told when she couldn't go out at lunchtime?

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 19:36

I have no idea K999 :( She is so young that when you ask, she says she cant remember. Which proves shes unaware herself of why shes being punished so is completely pointless in the first place. Her teacher is appalled by the punishment given and is quite furious but its out of her control. I just really need to wait for replies from my letters dont I?

OP posts:
DaisyDaresYOU · 19/06/2011 19:36

I do find its always the way ,you retaliate and your most likely to take the flack.That's why i've had to tell ds not to push another child back because I know he is most likely to take to blame.I find it really sad.I could only take soo much of another child pulling my hair so I done it back only difference is the teachers had a job getting her hair from around my fingers
I remember it very vividly.I was in playgroup

youarekidding · 19/06/2011 19:37

I'm glad your DD knows nothing of whats going on but its actually breaking heart to think of a 5yo being seperated from their friends for a week and having no idea why.

No wonder your so angry.

JamieAgain · 19/06/2011 19:37

Also, children this age really need their playtimes to let off steam. Punishing in this way, to this extent is likely to be extremely counter-productive in another way - in that she will end up with lots of excess energy which could result in negative behaviour.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 19:40

yeh i think that too, shes very energetic and lively and definitely needs to burn her energy off. I did say this in our meeting but all i was told at the end of the meeting (even though i still had no explanation of the whole situation as she just went off the subject all the time) was that the detention would still stand :(

OP posts:
triskaidekaphile · 19/06/2011 19:40

Completely ridiculous. My son was kept in for one lunchtime for biting in retaliation in year 6! The head teacher is a plonkweevil, Cherry. I think you are right to stick up for your daughter.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 19:41

I just cant get this out of my head, shes my little girl and im here to protect her, i know the detention has been done now, but whats to stop it happening again ??

OP posts:
K999 · 19/06/2011 19:51

Cherry, demand an appointment with her HT and ask for answers. If her teacher thinks it's ludicrous, that should give you a clue as to how absurd the HT is being.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 19:53

I've put a letter in asking for an explanation. I want it in writing as really my meeting with her on the tuesday didnt go well as she seemed to avoid the whole issue, talk about other things and I still dont know much.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 19/06/2011 20:11

Sorry may be being thick here (quite likely!) but has your DD already had this detention?

I think you need to go in Monday and sit and wait until you have an explanation. I can assure you HT will not want attention drawn to him/her or the school by involving goveners, LEA or having you removed by police.

Your DD has been/ will be punished very severley and I'm pretty sure for any exclusion of any sort there has to be an explanation and a report of how they have/ and will be recifying the situation.

Me thinks the HT refusal to tell you is actually a pretty clear indication that they don't actually have reason enough.

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 20:15

Yeh she had it last week and its still bothering me now and after my meeting with the HT, i wrote to her and copied the governor and head of education. She has replied but with no explanation so i have replied saying that i want an explanation. In the meeting she said the detention will stand and i asked her as of friday when i got my letter to her to stop the detention but she did not. It's just so inappropriate

OP posts:
K999 · 19/06/2011 20:18

Cherry, get your letter, the go ask for a further appt. Go in with a list of questions that you want answered. Take someone with you too.

youarekidding · 19/06/2011 20:19

The HT NEEDS to give you an explanation. If there have been incidents (so multiple) then you have a right to know what exactly your DD did (or was supposed to have done).

Any type of exclusion should be a last resort not as a punishmnet for an incident unseen but owned up too and already punished.

I'll look up some info for you that may help. (if I can find it)

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 20:21

thanks guys :) really appreciate it

OP posts:
twoistwiceasfun · 19/06/2011 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 19/06/2011 20:27

OMG haven't read all the posts but can't believe the school would do this to such a small child thats awful. My dd is also 5yo and was involved in an incident earlier this yr where she bit another child, I was Shock as she has never done anything like this before and in her defence it sounded like she was playing a game called 'sharks' that just got out of hand!!!

Her punishment was to draw a sorry picture for the child she bit and that was it. They mentioned if she hadn't said sorry they might have kept her in for one playtime but that never happened.

I would feel very strongly that what the head teacher is doing is wrong and would even consider pulling her out of school or going to ofsted, local council the governors etc.

youarekidding · 19/06/2011 20:28
  1. The headteacher must decide the standard of behaviour expected of pupils at the school. He or she must also determine the school rules and any disciplinary penalties for breaking the rules.
  1. It is vital that the behaviour policy is clear, that it is well understood by staff, parents and pupils, and that it is consistently applied. In developing the behaviour policies, the headteacher should reflect on the following ten key aspects of school practice that, when effective, contribute to improving the quality of pupil behaviour:3

15. A punishment must be reasonable. In determining whether a punishment is reasonable, section 91 of the Education and Inspections Act 2006 says the penalty must be proportionate in the circumstances and that account must be taken of the pupil?s age, any special educational needs or disability they may have, and any religious requirements affecting them.

The above is from here

HTH with some point to raise with the HT. Especially the bit in bold

Original poster
Cherry2011 · 19/06/2011 20:31

Thank you i will have a look, this will help my case

OP posts:
AbigailS · 19/06/2011 20:31

Five days of "detention" is total overkill. You mention that the other child had been bullying your DD. By any chance have you got a log of the incidences? (The slap, alone, that you mention in OP wouldn't count as bullying) This might be useful. Also I find it very odd that a child that young would have a "detention". Did the head actually call it that? If we have children that clash frequently and a incident happens we arrange for the children not to encounter each other for a while. Usually the main "perpetrator" goes to our lunch club where they eat lunch with staff and a few other children, then have indoor activities (boardgames, sand play, etc.). In the parents eyes that may seem like a detention if we don't explain it fully. I know I work in an infants school, but the word "detention" seems completely inapproriate and outdated for young children.
If someone has nipped (bite or pinch) at my school there has to be some consequence so they usually miss a morning playtime to draw a "sorry" picture. When we do take some playime away it's never more than a day's worth of missed playtime. But the same goes for a child that slaps, so I'd ask what the consequences of the other child's actions were. Good luck.