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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking it's strange not to want me at his house?

295 replies

LoweredBrows · 17/06/2011 12:09

Been with DP 2 years. I moved in with him briefly last year as I had nowhere else to stay (landlord of my house went bankrupt etc) but he moved again and I took over the tenancy of his house. So we do have a lot of history, it's certainly not a new relationship. I helped him move etc and stayed the night at his new house so I know he didn't move in with another woman or anything. Since then though he's been really funny about me going to his house. The only time he's ok with it is if I give him plenty of notice (like a few days notice).
A while ago he invited me around (this is very rare) during the day, he made me lunch etc and I put my shopping in his freezer but I forgot to take it home, not realising until later. I text him saying I'd pop around for my stuff and he was all like "No no, I'll bring it to you". So I told him I was going passed his house anyway so I might as well just pick it up and he made excuse after excuse and in the end insisted that he bring it to me???

Same thing happened again with something else, I said I'd pop in after work and pick it up. He protested, made excuses, acted strange but I pushed it this time because I was starting to wonder what he was up to and in the end he agreed but wanted a specific time in which I'd be there.

He bought me a cake a couple of days ago. Came around to my house but forgot it. I said "No worries, I'm going passed your house tonight on the way to the opticians, I'll pick it up" so he went on with his excuses, trying to get out of it, saying he'd bring it to me, even tried to say he'd drop it in at 5am on his way to work!! I was like "err no, that's just stupid, I'll just pick it up" so reluctantly he agreed but again wanted a specific time and text me an hour before to ask if I was still going and would it be the same time still. I was in a shit mood when he text so I replied saying "actually no, I have to much on tonight, sorry. I'll pick it up tomorow when I leave work". He agreed and seemed relieved. SO I was supposed to be picking it up this afternoon and I've just had a text saying he's leaving work early so will go home, pick up the cake and come back to mine to drop it off!! this is really going out of his way!! why?? I know for a fact he's not married lol, so why the urgency in keeping me away from his house?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 17/06/2011 12:11

He may not be married but he certainly has another woman on the go, sorry.

JohnniesBitch · 17/06/2011 12:11

sorry not much to say, but very strange behaviour.
are you sure hes not in another relationship as well?

Buda · 17/06/2011 12:11

No idea but i would definitely be suspicious and definitely be dropping by unannounced one day to find out what was up!

rulenumber1 · 17/06/2011 12:12

I can only think it's because someone else is there. I know you are convinced this isn't the case, though.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 12:12

have you thought about asking him?

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 17/06/2011 12:12

embarrassed of mess? I know I do the same! Blush

eurochick · 17/06/2011 12:13

I think he is in another relationship too. Sorry.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 12:13

scurry, htf do you know that? you are talking rubbish, you dont know that for certain

scurryfunge · 17/06/2011 12:13

Wake up...tallulah!

beanlet · 17/06/2011 12:14

Either another woman OR he's got mental health problems. Either way steer clear.

Themumsnot · 17/06/2011 12:14

I would be dropping by unannounced if I were you. I take it you don't have a key to his house. Sounds awfully like he is seeing someone behind your back - sorry. How often do you see him? Has anything changed recently?

LilQueenie · 17/06/2011 12:15

arrive without telling him.

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 17/06/2011 12:15

I just can't see another woman being involved because there has been days when we've been out and he's randomly said "shall we go back to mine for a coffee?" but I suppose if he knew she wasn't there that day? but there are no signs of another woman at his house at all. You can tell if a woman frequents a house right?

I did think about maybe his house is generally really, really messy and he only invites me when he knows it has been tidied up?

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 17/06/2011 12:16

Well, either there's another woman and he needs warning to make sure she won't be there and he has time to 'de-girlfriend' the house, or he's doing something illegal and needs time to hide it. Do you call on his mobile or landline?

Pancakeflipper · 17/06/2011 12:16

Hasn't your curiosity had you calling at the house on a surprise visit? Very odd. But I am not sure there's another woman living there cos he does 'allow' you round once he's organised himself... And you'd know wouldn't you if a woman was living there?

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 12:16

I am awake!! how dare you! You arent there, you dont know that he has someone else! maybe its a mess, or he dresses in womens clothes or a hundred other reasons , point is that you scurry, do not know anything for CERTAIN as you said

DartsRus · 17/06/2011 12:17

I'd drop by unannounced. I suspect he has someone else there, and if so, she may not know about you, and deserves to know.

TheOriginalFAB · 17/06/2011 12:17

Why are you pandering to him over this? It bugs you, call him on it or accept he doesn't want you at his house without days and days of notice.

scurryfunge · 17/06/2011 12:18

tallula, sweetheart, back to netmums with you Grin

lol, hun, lol

Original poster
LoweredBrows · 17/06/2011 12:19

I call his mobile but I do have his landline number - never used it though so can't be 100% sure it works!

It's just all so odd, I mean, if it was a new relationship I'd immediately assume he was dodgy and get rid but we've lived together before! ok not for long but long enough to get to know him really well. Saying that, he does have a habit of being dishonest.

Ok things that have changed recently, he's definately less "available" than he was. Doesn't text me half as much as he used to and doesn't make excuses to see each other anymore. Like he used to say he was popping to tesco (passed my house) do I fancy jumping in the car and going with him etc. All that has stopped.

OP posts:
LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 12:21

I think its odd.

I'm sorry but i would just turn up on his doorstep with a take way and say suprise, let me in then Grin

or get a friend and do a stake out of his house.

2 years is a long time. You have a right to know whats going on.

scurryfunge · 17/06/2011 12:21

If there are elements about your relationship you are not happy about then you need to talk to him.

SirGinster · 17/06/2011 12:22

My first thought was that his place was a tip, but then if he's funny about you going back round after being there for lunch that doesn't add up.

Something is certainly wrong though and it's all just speculation until you find out for sure.

he could be growing / dealing weed, could be another woman, he could be into dressing up as a woman..

I think you either need him to talk, or stake his house out.

perfumedlife · 17/06/2011 12:22

I wouldn't call him a darling partner if he moved out when you moved in! He is not exactly in a partnership here, is he? More like boyfriendlite.

He's hiding something or just doesn't feel at home enough round you, and after two years, neither is good.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 12:23

Scurry i have never been on mumsnet and if you think i should be there then you really really dont know me! and i can post where i like, so dont try telling me what to do !