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AIBU?

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Original poster

In thinking it's strange not to want me at his house?

295 replies

LoweredBrows · 17/06/2011 12:09

Been with DP 2 years. I moved in with him briefly last year as I had nowhere else to stay (landlord of my house went bankrupt etc) but he moved again and I took over the tenancy of his house. So we do have a lot of history, it's certainly not a new relationship. I helped him move etc and stayed the night at his new house so I know he didn't move in with another woman or anything. Since then though he's been really funny about me going to his house. The only time he's ok with it is if I give him plenty of notice (like a few days notice).
A while ago he invited me around (this is very rare) during the day, he made me lunch etc and I put my shopping in his freezer but I forgot to take it home, not realising until later. I text him saying I'd pop around for my stuff and he was all like "No no, I'll bring it to you". So I told him I was going passed his house anyway so I might as well just pick it up and he made excuse after excuse and in the end insisted that he bring it to me???

Same thing happened again with something else, I said I'd pop in after work and pick it up. He protested, made excuses, acted strange but I pushed it this time because I was starting to wonder what he was up to and in the end he agreed but wanted a specific time in which I'd be there.

He bought me a cake a couple of days ago. Came around to my house but forgot it. I said "No worries, I'm going passed your house tonight on the way to the opticians, I'll pick it up" so he went on with his excuses, trying to get out of it, saying he'd bring it to me, even tried to say he'd drop it in at 5am on his way to work!! I was like "err no, that's just stupid, I'll just pick it up" so reluctantly he agreed but again wanted a specific time and text me an hour before to ask if I was still going and would it be the same time still. I was in a shit mood when he text so I replied saying "actually no, I have to much on tonight, sorry. I'll pick it up tomorow when I leave work". He agreed and seemed relieved. SO I was supposed to be picking it up this afternoon and I've just had a text saying he's leaving work early so will go home, pick up the cake and come back to mine to drop it off!! this is really going out of his way!! why?? I know for a fact he's not married lol, so why the urgency in keeping me away from his house?

OP posts:
stripeywoollenhat · 17/06/2011 13:50

erm, do you want a partner who doesn't really seem to want you around? is it important why?

i would get rid, myself, without going to the bother of finding out why he's behaving so strangely. but then, i live in another country, and there's no coffee and doughnuts in it for me...

buzzsore · 17/06/2011 13:51

I think he really did break up with you when he moved out, he just forgot to tell you.

Miggsie · 17/06/2011 13:51

Wow, this sounds really odd. Either he is covering up some sort of double life or has such huge relationship/closeness issues that he needs therapy (doesn't want you in his house, doesn't want to talk to you via facebook, won't move in with you). Either way, not good.

He doesn't drive round with a lot of dead squirrels in his car boot does he? Or have his mum embalmed in the basement?

Turn up there and confront him head-on about his odd behaviour or pack it in as a bad relationship.

CrapolaDeVille · 17/06/2011 13:53

Don't text him, just turn up....say you were passing and didn't have your phone, for god's sake don't warn him.

I did the same and found my bf with his ex gf.....

whatsallthehullaballoo · 17/06/2011 13:58

FFS - I do not know either of you and I am desperate to know what is going on!!!!!! This is enough to keep me awake tonight so please find out what is going on.....for me if not for yourself.....

You can do it - you deserve to know.

LolaRennt · 17/06/2011 13:59

You know what, it doesn't really matter, what his excuse is.

This isn't actually a good relationship no matter what you say. After two years you should be able to pop round the guys house for a quickie because you fancied it.

Get a new boyfriend.

AnyF · 17/06/2011 14:03

what's with the communication by Facebook relationship ? Confused

you do know he could be on FB on a different pc don't you ?

how very strange...OP you are being strung a line so long here, the other end is outta sight

blowing hot/cold...why would you let him dangle himself like a carrot ? What are you ? A donkey ?

Get a grip and give yourself more respect. He certainly isn't.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 17/06/2011 14:05

So you moved into his house, and he promptly moved out? You have your answer right there. He considers you a fuck buddy and nothing more.

If there is no sign of a feminine touch, have you considered that he could be seeing another man?

Just go round there FFS.

It sounds like a total non-relationship anyway. How can you date someone for two years and still behave like you are in your first month of dating?

hobbgoblin · 17/06/2011 14:06

Blimey! You are so laid back about this. I'd have been doing porcamisera's stake out by now for sure!

You need to drop by casually. You don't need to change cars, just pop by in a mac with no underwear or something to surprise him and find out who gets the biggest surprise.

I hope you are not disappointed and made sad, but you need to prepare yourself for this as he is being right weird lady.

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 14:08

OP's going round tonight at 7pm.

See you all back here around 8?

AnyF · 17/06/2011 14:09

she is going to warn him 1st though, so a waste of time, tbh

thenightsky · 17/06/2011 14:13

No point in her going if she's warns him first. That's just stupid.

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 14:13

AnyF Yes, I see what you mean. He just doesn't have to answer the door (or even be there) and the OP's no further forward.

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:16

if he was justa friend would you just call round without telling him first?

I always go to friends on the off chance they are in for a coffee. If you think of him as your partner then you have more right to just show up.

What reason did he give for moving out?

Wabbit · 17/06/2011 14:17

Oh lord - Just seen this, his name's not name deleted is it??? My ex was just like this - made easier for him by the fact that our houses were 100 miles apart, we had a baby together and everything... him at mine or me at his at weekends.

He was living a double life, two lives - two women, two pregnacies very ugly mess when the twain met iyswim!!!

Has emigrated to the other side of the world now thank fuck Grin

CinnabarRed · 17/06/2011 14:18

Shamelessly marking my place for later...

LorettaMasonPotts · 17/06/2011 14:18

Where are you OP? Could one of us do the stake out on your behalf? And report back with findings?

Like other posters, I can't fathom out why you don't just go round to his. If he loves you he should be pleased you made the effort to go & see him.

Really, he's hiding something.

CurrySpice · 17/06/2011 14:24

I don't live with my DP (and for your info perfumedlife that doesn't make him "boyfriendlite" - it happens to suit us and our families Hmm)

I can and do turn up at his on spec and stay there often. He does the same at my place (in fact he's just been for a coffee as he was passing)

I think this is really odd and he has something to hide, most likely a woman

And FWIW if you went round to my BF's you wouldn't see any evidence of a woman being there (whatever that might be) as I keep all my stuff in a big drawer and it is decorated by DP, not me. Doesn't mean he hasn't got a serious partner though. Just wanted to say that becuase "no signs of a woman" doesn't mean no woman

Portofino · 17/06/2011 14:24

I think he is not that interested - the him moving out the minute you moved in would have finished it for me. It wants you when it suits him and probably gets a buzz from having you chase him a bit. I wouldn't bother.....

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:26

I'm also available for a stake out.

I can bring cakes and coffee.

CurrySpice · 17/06/2011 14:27

I think it has to be donuts on a stake out to be fair LBB!

CrapolaDeVille · 17/06/2011 14:27

Do not warn him OP...or do you not want to really find uot what's going on?

pigletmania · 17/06/2011 14:28

Sorry I think that your do has another woman on the go. Disen't matter how long you have been together and how well you think you know him. I would pop round unannounced. Don't tell him

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:29

i could stop for donuts on the way round? I like stake outs there fun Smile

thenightsky · 17/06/2011 14:30

I remember an ex I had. We were laid in bed at about midnight one night when there was an almight banging on the door. He wouldn't get up and answer it, telling me it was a 'local loon' who was always banging on doors in the night Hmm Turned out to be his 'real' girlfriend Shock.