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Original poster

In thinking it's strange not to want me at his house?

295 replies

LoweredBrows · 17/06/2011 12:09

Been with DP 2 years. I moved in with him briefly last year as I had nowhere else to stay (landlord of my house went bankrupt etc) but he moved again and I took over the tenancy of his house. So we do have a lot of history, it's certainly not a new relationship. I helped him move etc and stayed the night at his new house so I know he didn't move in with another woman or anything. Since then though he's been really funny about me going to his house. The only time he's ok with it is if I give him plenty of notice (like a few days notice).
A while ago he invited me around (this is very rare) during the day, he made me lunch etc and I put my shopping in his freezer but I forgot to take it home, not realising until later. I text him saying I'd pop around for my stuff and he was all like "No no, I'll bring it to you". So I told him I was going passed his house anyway so I might as well just pick it up and he made excuse after excuse and in the end insisted that he bring it to me???

Same thing happened again with something else, I said I'd pop in after work and pick it up. He protested, made excuses, acted strange but I pushed it this time because I was starting to wonder what he was up to and in the end he agreed but wanted a specific time in which I'd be there.

He bought me a cake a couple of days ago. Came around to my house but forgot it. I said "No worries, I'm going passed your house tonight on the way to the opticians, I'll pick it up" so he went on with his excuses, trying to get out of it, saying he'd bring it to me, even tried to say he'd drop it in at 5am on his way to work!! I was like "err no, that's just stupid, I'll just pick it up" so reluctantly he agreed but again wanted a specific time and text me an hour before to ask if I was still going and would it be the same time still. I was in a shit mood when he text so I replied saying "actually no, I have to much on tonight, sorry. I'll pick it up tomorow when I leave work". He agreed and seemed relieved. SO I was supposed to be picking it up this afternoon and I've just had a text saying he's leaving work early so will go home, pick up the cake and come back to mine to drop it off!! this is really going out of his way!! why?? I know for a fact he's not married lol, so why the urgency in keeping me away from his house?

OP posts:
LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:30

maybe OP has gone round there now or he is at her's having coffee?

CurrySpice · 17/06/2011 14:30

Yes, and we need at some point to eat chinese food out of those dinky boxes they always have on American films.

thegruffalosma · 17/06/2011 14:32

It sounds to me like he doesn't want you getting to comfy at his place in case you want to move in again or he could have another woman on the go or any number of things.
You need to have words with him and tell him how much his unwelcoming attitude is upsetting you. Don't let him brush it off - if he says it's easier to come to you tell him that YOU would prefer to go to his place sometimes.

pigletmania · 17/06/2011 14:33

Your relationship does not sound much of a one to me, and you are very nieve

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:33

oh i have always wanted those dinky boxes but i have found nowhere in the uk do them or at least in Wrexham, Cardiff, guildford, Sheffield and Rotherham. I'm gutted, when i next go to USA i'm so going to get some rice in theos dinky boxes and eat it with chop sticks.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/06/2011 14:34

I've got binoculars, trenchcoat, trilby, AND a box of Krispy Kremes to keep us going for five minutes.

Who's bringing the java?

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:36

I have cape cloumbe or decaf something. Am i in?

poutintrout · 17/06/2011 14:36

I don't think all is right here.

Are you sure that it actually is his house? I ask because it smacks a little of a relationship I had when I was a student. He was quite a bit older and it was a long distance thing where he would visit me at weekends, lasted about 6 months.

I went to "his" house that he shared with a friend and because I was so loved up I didn't think it strange that he had few possessions in his room, that there were storage boxes and just a mattress on the floor. I only had his work phone number and his parents number (this was before mobile phones were a big thing). Anyway it transpired that he was in a long term relationship - I found out by overhearing his girlfriend talking to her friend whilst I was in a nightclub toilet! Looking back he didn't live at the house he took me to and obviously lived somewhere else with his long term girlfriend.

I would go round to the house unannounced and see if somebody else opens the door.

CrapolaDeVille · 17/06/2011 14:38

The squirrel is frisky on Friday.

Just practising!

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:40

We need walky talkies Grin

greygirl · 17/06/2011 14:42

Have you thought about secretly planting your stuff there, for the (hypothetical) other women to find? an extra toothbrush in the bathroom, a thong under the bed? Personally I would turn up in the evening unannounced, with a pizza or something as a gift so it looks really sweet, and see what happens. And I might think about going round in the day when he's out.
Ofcourse I have never done anything like that but I so wished I could come to the stakeout (I'll bring pizza and diet coke)

greygirl · 17/06/2011 14:43

I so wish!!

TotallyLovely · 17/06/2011 14:45

I want to come to the stakeout to!!!! It's not going to be that discrete with 200 women stuffed in a car outside his house though!

BornSicky · 17/06/2011 14:47

i had a partner like this. he was a total commitment-phobe and we split up a few months after I challenged him on his weird behaviour about protecting his space and not being open.

he wasn't worth it and wrong for me as I don't like secrecy/privacy to that extreme.

you sound like you aren't happy with it either; so you could call him out on it, but I suspect the consequence will be that you split.

CurrySpice · 17/06/2011 14:47

No, we'll need a coach!

Sorry OP I hope you aren't upset by the joshing Blush

BitOfFun · 17/06/2011 14:51

Maybe he's worried that you'll get your feet under the table, so to speak, like last time, when you moved in?

Whatever it is, he just not that into you. Sorry.

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 14:52

Yes, joking aside.....

OP there's a general consensus that you need to confront him about this, because it's not normal and he's quite likely to have another relationship on the go.

Although Tallulah disagreed with this view a while ago - are you still around, Tallulah? Why did you disagree?

hiddenhome · 17/06/2011 14:52

Perhaps he has a boyfriend Wink

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 14:53

I have been very gender-neutral in my unsubstantiated guesswork.

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:54

Also on facebook you can hide that you are online from people but i dont know if he can then see that you are on at the same time?

welshbyrd · 17/06/2011 14:54

Jeez seems odd him behaving like this OP

Alarm bells are ringing to me, even if there is no other woman, being together 2 years, and having lived together for a time, does not add up to him being ashamed of a messy house
OP - when you lived together for that short time, was he messy?

Im also willing to do a stake out, I can borrow my DH posh binoculars Smile

Really hope you get some peace of mind, be it good or bad news, Not knowing must be the worst x

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/06/2011 14:55

A couple of coaches should do it - in the unlikely event that he spots us, we can simply claim that we're on a mystery tour and have stopped for a loo break.

instead of a long surveillance session maybe we should knock on his door and ask to use his loo?

We can scoff the Krispys on the way back.

DarftApeth · 17/06/2011 14:57

I think you should parked around the corner from his house when you text him. Then you can run his doorbell as soon as you receive his text to say he is watching tv.

My sister went out with someone many years ago who would only see her on set days and be unavailable to her on the others. She became very suspicious so just turned up one day and found that he had cleared all her stuff away into a cupboard and another girl's things were all in their place! It had obviously been going on for months and months, with him swapping their things over. Even his family knew about it and colluded with him Shock

LittleBlueBoat · 17/06/2011 14:59

What if we just send someone round with an Avon book and see who answers the door and if its him we could ask if he has a wife or girlfriend?

(this is where a friend he has never meet comes in handy)

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 17/06/2011 15:00

Definitely "pop" in with a pizza this evening unannounced, "forgetting" your phone so that you can't call him on the way (although leave the phone switched off in the car so that if there IS something up and you get a shock you can call a friend afterwards). If someone came to my door with a hot pizza I'd be eager to get them in the house - if he tries to make an excuse to get you to go away then that is very heavily suspicious. Unless, y'know, he hates pizza, in which case, go with whatever his favourite takeaway is.

Also, have you EVER tried calling his landline? I would give it a go, perhaps while you know he is out (ie, when he is at yours but about to leave/on his way home from yours). If there is another woman at the house she might answer. Obviously if it is drugs/porn/MI5 they are unlikely to answer, but worth a shot. Wink