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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have texted the soon to be xH to tell his whore

170 replies

mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:04

not to text our sons and demand that they buy their father a fathers day card. How dare she! I can't believe it. Shock

My DS was sitting in a counselling session talking about how he felt about being abandoned by his father and he gets that text. He is in counselling because of his father having an affair and walking out on his family. His father never makes time for DS, because DS doesn't want to meet the whore. DS is 17.

I just want to scream and scratch the bitch's eyes out. Angry

BTW, if the my DSs want to get their father a card I will take them, even though he didn't take them to get me a birthday card or mothers day card - my neighbour did.

OP posts:
deemented · 14/06/2011 17:06

Never mind the kid having counselling, i think you need some too. You seem to be very very angry. Maybe if your kids saw you less angry they wouldn't be so messed up?

cantspel · 14/06/2011 17:08

why would you take a 17 year old to buy a card?

And why would your neighbour take him to buy yours?

ThatllDoPig · 14/06/2011 17:08

Yes, but it is ok to be angry.
OP has obviously been very hurt and betrayed.

They say anger is the backbone of healing.
I hope things get brighter for you soon.

MrSpoc · 14/06/2011 17:08

How long have you been split up?

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 17:09
LaurieFairyCake · 14/06/2011 17:09

You don't need to take your 17 year old to get a fathers day card - he can get it himself.

I really hope you're not calling her a whore and saying awful things about her to your son - he doesn't need to be part of this anger.

Feel free to vent on here but if you're finding it hard to handle your anger then get some help as it will be painful for you (and your son) Smile

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 14/06/2011 17:10

What cantspel said.

Northernlurker · 14/06/2011 17:10

Well - I suspect that your sons might have a better chance of a healthy and respectful relationship with their father if you didn't describe his partner as 'the whore' and threaten to attack her. Why does your ds really not want to meet her - wouldn't be because of your reaction would it?

YABU.

BelleEnd · 14/06/2011 17:11

Are you showing your anger to your son? Because that might be messing him up worse than any text. I don't mean to sound flippant- You must be fuming about everything- But it sounds like you're misdirecting the anger at your ex's gf. I don't think it's the most unreasonable that she should remind her stepsons of father's day.

I know I sound cold but I have been in your son's shoes.

MrSpoc · 14/06/2011 17:13

Op my mother directed her anger of my father onto me for years. I grow up hating him and everything about him then one day I learnt that he wasnt as bad as my mother had said, infact she was just as bad if not worse. I missed out alot because of her anger. Try not to make the same mistake.

Nullius · 14/06/2011 17:14

Hang on a minute, sounds like OPs husband had an affair and left her, for a woman, who im guessing, knew he was married?

Am I right OP?

In which case, OP is right, she is a whore, and shes more than entitled to say it!!

You rant away OP. Try not to be angry around your boys, but no doubt they hate them both aswell.

wornoutbutstillwonderful · 14/06/2011 17:17

Wow belleEnd is there not a big leap between dads girlfriend to stepmum?

I don't think you are being unreasonable personally I think at 17 years old he shouldn't need reminding fullstop.
I do however wonder if you are talking about your exh girlfriend in this way in front of your sons as that cannot be healthy for any of you.

TheSecondComing · 14/06/2011 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 14/06/2011 17:21

I saw a brilliant phrase on here once - "even the flattest pancake has two sides".
We only know your side of the story and of course it's awful that he walked out on you. But in the long term your son may settle his differences with his Dad and you will need to accept that and that he may one day meet the GF and like her.

Original poster
mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:22

My ex walked out on his family in April 2010 after 19 yrs of marriage. I don't call her a whore in front of my boys. Never have, never will. (Whore was married too with a husband serving in Afghanistan at the time.)

My DSs (13 and 11) asked the neighbour to get me cards, because their father wouldn't take them.

My 17yr old DS has Aspergers and has really taken the break up hard. He has a very black and white/right and wrong view of the world.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/06/2011 17:23

How sad :(
Judging on your previous posts, your ExH left in Feb 2010. I know there's not a time limit on these things but nearly a year and a half is a long time to keep this level of anger going. It must be exhausting.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/06/2011 17:24

YABU

The OW is the OW, not a whore.

A 17 year old buys his own cards.

OP, you sound bitter. I have seen many many people still bitter and resentful YEARS after the break up of their marriage and frankly, bitterness makes you look ugly! Really, it shows!

Can I recommend this to you

www.drw.org.uk/

catinthehat2 · 14/06/2011 17:24

here's hoping you vent on MN and keep a lid on it IRL

and a really bad idea to do text warring with OW if that's what you are implying happened in your title

LeQueen · 14/06/2011 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 14/06/2011 17:25

13 and 11yr olds have to be taken to get cards too?

I honestly think this whole situation could have been avoided if everyone bought their own cards...it's not like they're not old enough.

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 17:26

I'm still confused about why anybody has to take anybody anywhare to buy cards, but I guess that's not the main thrust of the OP, so feel free to ignore.

LeQueen · 14/06/2011 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

growingstrawberries · 14/06/2011 17:30

I think you need to start dealing with your anger, tbh.

you will only be able to help your eldest ds through this once you have managed to sort out your own issues.

I am a stepmother, and one of my stepchildren has AS too. my dh's ex is still incredibly bitter, nearly 17 years after they split up (I was not involved with the split, I only met dh 8 years afterwards!), and it has made my stepchildren's lives far more difficult than they needed to be.

Honestly. It does nobody any good to continue to be so furiously bitter.

LeQueen · 14/06/2011 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum1 · 14/06/2011 17:31

I really hope you can come to terms with the breakup of your relationship and move on to co parent your boys with their dad who will always be their dad no matter what the reason for the breakup (and breakups are very rarely just one person's fault ime).