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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have texted the soon to be xH to tell his whore

170 replies

mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:04

not to text our sons and demand that they buy their father a fathers day card. How dare she! I can't believe it. Shock

My DS was sitting in a counselling session talking about how he felt about being abandoned by his father and he gets that text. He is in counselling because of his father having an affair and walking out on his family. His father never makes time for DS, because DS doesn't want to meet the whore. DS is 17.

I just want to scream and scratch the bitch's eyes out. Angry

BTW, if the my DSs want to get their father a card I will take them, even though he didn't take them to get me a birthday card or mothers day card - my neighbour did.

OP posts:
growingstrawberries · 14/06/2011 18:52

I agree with BoF.

the constant simmering rage is no good for anyone. and believe me, your boys will know how you feel, OP.

my stepchildren are just about coming to terms with their parents' breakup - 17 years after the event! - mostly due to their mother's inability to deal with it herself. they are really screwed up about it, and cannot sustain relationships well themselves, as young adults.

I can empathise with how the OP is feeling. but she does need to start dealing with her feelings, in order to be able to help her sons.

TheFeministsWife · 14/06/2011 18:53

OP maybe you should have this thread moved to Relationships? I fully support you call her what you like whore is mild compared to what I would call an OW! I'd be doing more than texting your Ex-H I'd be down to the bitch's house telling her what a whore she is! Angry How dare she text your poor DS! Vent away on here, ignore the do-gooders obviously they've even heard a swear word in their life let alone used one. Hmm

ivykaty44 · 14/06/2011 18:53

There was me thinking that MN was a place to vent and help leave real life people alone.

Op has come on here and vented her anger - has she said in any of the posts she vents her anger at her son? Has she said on any post that she calls the OW a whore in front of any of her 4 boys?

Could all of you step forward please that have made friends with the OW who slept with your dh - do please show your face.

I will step forward first and then wanders if I will get lonely waiting

TheFeministsWife · 14/06/2011 18:54

never even

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 18:54

True. But AIBU is not really known as the place for tea and sympathy, especially when your OP contains some really vile misogynistic language.

That said, I do sympathise with her.

FlamingFannyDrawers · 14/06/2011 18:55

If the OP thinks the other woman is a whore thats up to her surely. I'd feel the same, probably thow in slutbag, slag and slapper in there too. As long as she's not saying it to her kids, big deal.

Lizzylou · 14/06/2011 18:56

It does seem as if the ExH is doing fuck all to ease the pain he has caused and in that way eradicate the bitterness though, eh?
Likewise a woman who was instrumental in the marital break up texting a lad who is having counselling to deal with said break up and whom she has never had contact with!

Op, I took you as someone who holds it all together but who just needed to offload here. I really honestly don't blame you.

ohmyfucksy · 14/06/2011 18:57

A whore is technically someone who has sex for money. Not someone your husband goes off with because he doesn't want to be with you any more.

But she shouldn't be texting his sons, it's not like they really have that kind of relationship (yet)

usualsuspect · 14/06/2011 18:58

The OW and your ex clearly have no regard for your sons feelings ,so I don't see why you wouldn't rant about her and him

rant away OP

PinotGrigiosKittens · 14/06/2011 18:59

Oh BOF I despair when the old "It's on AIBU so..." is said (though I know you haven't flamed her). Such an annoying cliché and a get-out for people being bitchy with no good reason, just hiding behind the AIBU

growingstrawberries · 14/06/2011 19:00

don't kid yourselves that just because the OP has not called the OW a whore in front of her sons they do not know exactly how she feels.

the levels of anger she showed in her post are not easily concealed. and the indignation shown when it was suggested that she get it together a bit for ehr children also speaks volumes.

the ones that really matter here are the children.

and they are hurt and confused.

the OP adding in her two pence worth, even if she does not actually use the language she did on here, will not help anything. she needs to rise above it in order to help her children

PinotGrigiosKittens · 14/06/2011 19:01

ohmy Not true, actually. Dictionary definition is a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity usually but not always for money.

OP can call her whatever the jeff she wants.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/06/2011 19:01

There's plenty of sympathy here for the OP, not everybody is fixating on the 'whore' word... it's just a word. You can't advocate swearing, including 'cunt' (which I truly think is horrid) and get prissy about 'whore'. It makes no sense to me anyway.

Mamaz0n · 14/06/2011 19:02

Agreed BoF. This isn't the place to post this. But it would seem that AIBU is the new chat. everything gets posted here because it is easier than deciding the appropriate topic.

I also agree that the terminology used is misogynistic and technically inaccurate, but given the level of stress the OP is undoubtedly under I think that a lecture on the feminist standpoint of vulgar language cold probably wait.

glitterkitten · 14/06/2011 19:03

Maybe ow was just trying to build some bridges?

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 19:05

I am only stating the obvious, Pinot, not excusing a pile-on. If you want to post for support and to ask that people basically back you up, you need another section of the boards. AIBU explicitly invites people's opinions, and maybe isn't the best place to look for unanimity.

Lizzylou · 14/06/2011 19:05

Growingstrawberries, so you know what goes on in Ops house then? Just because you've been a stepchild/stepmother/been cheated on?
She may never mention a thing, noone on here has any idea what she does/doesn't say!

I admit her sons can probably pick up on her anger/resentment even if it is not spoken, but to be honest they are of an age where they'd understand that, surely? Goodness, what are they to think, "Dad's left Mom, he ran off with another woman, but Mom is ecstatically happy about that"???

More likely they know she is hurt but also know that they come first and she loves them.

Mamaz0n · 14/06/2011 19:08

Strawberries - My xp abused me daily. I have called him every name under the sun. I have vented here and joked about a fund-raising to hire a hitman.

I have never however spoken about him in anything that would even resemble a negative tone in front of my children.

I am quite sure someone could bring up a post from me where my spleen has split all over the screen when talking about him. He really is the most vile being on the planet. But to my children he is their father.(however useless he is at that too)

But to say that because i post aggressively on here must also mean that my children are witness to similar is just wrong. As it is when discussing the OP's situation.

She does seem very angry still, and yes i agree that some therapy to help get over the trauma of the separation. But that is for OP's benefit not just her children

animula · 14/06/2011 19:09

Since this is AIBU, I'm throwing in my tuppence worth:

I read LittleWhiteWolf's contributions as positive pointers to how to get through the immediate present and into that beautiful place ahead - where the OP is living a full, emotionally rich life - not pulled back to her ex with anger.

Living fully is not only the best revenge but is also, frankly, the only way to "win" in this life. It is the only prize we get.

If that's "not being on [the OPs] side" then I'm alarmed. Sometimes, along with all the "you go girl - she is a ho" you need a bit of "OK - but there's life beyond this, and you will get there - and this is one way how."

It'll be a really sad thing if that becomes unsayable on mn.

And "support" has to mean a little more than some "Team OP", which actually risks trivialising the humanity of the poster. I.m.o.

And I do sympathise, OP. And I really hope you - and your children - get beyond this, to a truly great place.

ohmyfucksy · 14/06/2011 19:11

Promiscuous means sleeping with a lot of people. As far as we know she is only sleeping with one man - unfortunate that it happens to be OP's (ex) husband.

HelloOutThere · 14/06/2011 19:11

yanbu she has no right to get involved in your son's lives. Similar thing happened here with the break up after 21 years and even though my anger is in a little box i can contain, it is still there and maybe always will be. Nothing wrong with that, hurt is hurt and I dont think you have said anything wrong

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 14/06/2011 19:11

OP, maybe post in relationships? Personally, I think you're entitled to your anger, and I'm sure you know that spouting bile in front of your DS's isn't on. I don't see the problem with writing down how you feel about the OW and your EX. They both sound like arseholes.

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 19:13

Another great post by animula.

Mamaz0n · 14/06/2011 19:13

Animula - nothing wrong in that post

animula · 14/06/2011 19:14

That was meant to say LittleWhiteWolf, BoF and others.

I do, completely, take the point that mn is a place to vent. But surely it is OK to point out what happens if you don't keep it on mn?

Yes, it may not apply to the OP - but it may - and if not her, someone else reading it.

No - piling in and givng a kicking to a woman in pain is absolutely off, but it's not necessarily a work of evil to mention in passing, and generally, that it needs to be kept away from children (to an extent - personanlly, I don't believe in all of it being kept from children), and in an ideal world, lived beyond.