Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have texted the soon to be xH to tell his whore

170 replies

mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:04

not to text our sons and demand that they buy their father a fathers day card. How dare she! I can't believe it. Shock

My DS was sitting in a counselling session talking about how he felt about being abandoned by his father and he gets that text. He is in counselling because of his father having an affair and walking out on his family. His father never makes time for DS, because DS doesn't want to meet the whore. DS is 17.

I just want to scream and scratch the bitch's eyes out. Angry

BTW, if the my DSs want to get their father a card I will take them, even though he didn't take them to get me a birthday card or mothers day card - my neighbour did.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 14/06/2011 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/06/2011 17:33

when is fathers day anyway Grin

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 17:33
LittleOneMum · 14/06/2011 17:36

Oh GIVE HER A BLOODY BREAK!

OP, I think you're not being unreasonable. Anger away to us, that's what we are for. Just don't show it to your lovely sons or anyone in RL. Best of luck. All sounds v tough.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 14/06/2011 17:38

"My DSs (13 and 11) asked the neighbour to get me cards, because their father wouldn't take them.

My 17yr old DS has Aspergers "

Where is your other son?

worraliberty · 14/06/2011 17:40

Look, letting of steam or not.

It's VVU of the OP to text this woman telling her not to text her sons. They are 11, 13 and 17yrs old.

If they don't want her texting them, I'm sure they're perfectly capable of telling her this without Mum stirring up a row Hmm

pfbornot · 14/06/2011 17:40

Your ex is a shit and the OW is a whore. These are facts and you are entitled to write them. It is not decent to smash up the home of 3 children, particularly one with Aspergers and both the X and the OW deserve to be referred to in these terms.

Re the comments being made about the 17yo. Well - my brother with Aspergers is 30 and I will need to remind him about cards and sometimes buy the card for him. I am so sorry this has happened to you OP and you have my sympathy.

TattyDevine · 14/06/2011 17:41

OP, you do need to move on and deal with the anger.

She is not a whore, unless he is paying her for sex.

Its a distasteful situation and they both did the wrong thing. He was clearly no longer getting what he needed out of the marriage, and moved elsewhere. He did it in the wrong order. However, the sooner you accept that he was no longer wanting to be in the marriage, the sooner you can move on. If you blame the other woman and call her a whore, you are skipping over this very relevant fact and not just dealing with it.

FetchezLaVache · 14/06/2011 17:41

YANBU, because if your DS won't have anything to do with this woman then she hardly has the kind of relationship with him that makes the sending of "don't forget your dad's FD card" exactly appropriate.

Original poster
mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:43

We did break up in Feb 2010. He came back for a while. He left again in April 2010.

OW/whore, same difference. Any woman who lies in her married bed with another woman's husband is a whore in my book.

I am angry that this woman, who is not married to my soon to be exH, should have the nerve to text my sons and demand they buy their father a card. It was not a reminder.

Yes, sons (17,16,13&11) are old enough to buy their father a card on their own, but the question is how do they get to the shop to buy the card when you live in a village with no card shop and a limited bus service. 11 & 13 DSs wanted me to have cards and asked their friend's mother to get me one, because their father wouldn't take them.

I do not vent my anger in front of my children. We are all coping very well and are happy, except for 17 yr Aspergers son, who is miserable. His issues are with his father. His father refuses to see him and says the only way he will see him is if the OW can come along. I am doing what I see fit to help my son. I would like him to see his father, but at 17 I can not make him.

I came here to get support -guess I was wrong.

OP posts:
MollysChamber · 14/06/2011 17:44

What Fetchez said.

And you have every right to be angry and to call t'other woman whatever you like on an anonymous internet forum if it helps.

Don't let them make you bitter.

MollysChamber · 14/06/2011 17:46

Oh, and your ex should be moving hell and highwater to help you get your kids through this.

LeQueen · 14/06/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustaNickname · 14/06/2011 17:48

Why is the OP being given such a hard time? Isn't MN a place for us to vent when angry and upset for a bit of support?

As for the posters focusing on why her sons had to be taken to get cards well that's just a ridiculous thing to say. You must be very closes minded. I live in an area where if you don't drive yourself you have to be taken places as public transportation is basically non existent. I'm 21 and I'll have to be taken to get my father a fathers day card as I don't own a car.

I think it very inappropriate for OW to be txting ds at all never mind about something that has nothing to do with her. They have never met! OP also said her son has Aspergers (sp?) so that has to be taken into consideration. It probably only distressed him further :(

BitOfFun · 14/06/2011 17:48

I feel very sad for your eldest son- I can't believe what a knobber your ex is to do that to him Sad

Original poster
mumof4sons · 14/06/2011 17:49

16 year old should be studying for GCSE but is on Xbox and oblivious to the world these days. He only grunts when he wants food and could care less about birthday cards and fathers day card. I accept that.

OP posts:
SinisterBuggyMonth · 14/06/2011 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeQueen · 14/06/2011 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 14/06/2011 17:50

Regardless of your hatred for her (and I can understand it)

She has every right to text your sons unless they themselves ask her not to. They're not little babies and have their own minds.

pfbornot · 14/06/2011 17:54

mumof4sons
Some of us totally support you.

I am very sorry for your situation and I know exactly how it feels. My dad walked out on us (me and 3 sibs) when we were teenagers and last year after 10 yrs of marriage, DH cheated on me with a colleague when our kids were very small.

In my above post, I meant that your 17yo may need reminding, but it is out of line for OW to do it.

LeQueen - it's actually not true that all men who have affairs are unhappily married. Some of them are even deluding themselves - rewriting history or vilifying their wives in order to pave the way for them to have an affair. You should read the affair threads in relationships if you really think that men who start affairs do it because they are actually really unhappy. A new relationship is very exciting - far more than the one with the wife who is very busy looking after kids and exhausted. FYI - my father dumped my mum after 35 years together. He regrets it now!

Xales · 14/06/2011 17:57

The OW should back right off and not be texting the 17 year old who has made it perfectly clear he wants nothing to do with her.

If she had half a brain she would have backed completely out of the father/son relationship and allowed them to have a relationship and be brought into it slowly when the son was ready.

If she is this over involved when she is not wanted no wonder he wants nothing to do with her and if he is in counselling she should have a little respect and leave him alone.

It is not her place to do this in the slightest I completely understand why OP is angry about this.

It is not about the OW being a whore (down to your personal opinion) it is about her interfering when it seems to have been made clear to her that she is not wanted in the 17 year olds life. She has no right to decide she has any right to be.

weeonion · 14/06/2011 17:57

why would she (OW) have a "right" to text anyone?

SinisterBuggyMonth · 14/06/2011 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 14/06/2011 17:59

I hate to scream "Wont someone think of the children" here

But really at 17, 16, 13 and 11 years old...they really are old enough to speak for themselves.

It's not the OP's place to tell this woman not to text them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/06/2011 17:59

Sorry you're upset, Mumof4Sons, I would be too in your situation.

Although this isn't the same there might be a parallel... when my dad remarried, none of us were bothered as we were all grown up and not close anyway. New wife had been married before but took it on herself to 'try to build bridges' left, right and centre. We had had a peaceful status quo but when she started doing that it really caused friction.

I think you're quite within your rights to tell your Ex to stop this woman from texting you BUT, unless your sons have expressed that they don't want her to contact them, you can't stop her texting them with instructions, even though it hurts like hell because you're their Mum, not her, and it feels like she's trying to take your place... and your boys are the last vestige of your marriage and what was good about it. :(

It won't feel like this for ever, OP, let her have her petty 'victories' and rise about them. Your boys will always be your boys and they'll never be hers. She can rest uneasy that she and your Ex are cheaters and one day one or other of them will do it again. You'll be enjoying your life and they won't even register anymore.

You do not have to take your boys to get a card... if I were in your position, I'd log onto Moonpig and let them order them there. They're pretty impersonal but it ticks the box and I don't imagine you want to get involved in choosing heartfelt verses right now.

This is going to pass, OP, it really will, you can do this... all serene. :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread