AIBU to think my ex should have said thanks?

[fuckmepinkandcallmerosie]

This is "my" weekend with the kids. Ex's sister is visiting from abroad, there is a family sunday lunch today.

He asked last night if he could have the girls to go to the dinner - I said yes of course - they've just left.

But when he arrived to collect them he just commented on DD1 outfit (That's a bit trendy) and left.

Absolutely no thanks for this, I appreciate this, or anything.

Would it have been mannerly for him to say thanks? Or AIBU?

I agree. The worst thing to do with a control freak is to pander to it. Control freaks feed of their ability to control others - if you don't comply this will cause him much more annoyance than you, because the worst thing for a control freak is to lose control of someone or something . So ignore it and just be happy that its causing him much more stress than it is you

Good post miserymoo.

actually, they have a point.

It might be worth trying it - basically, live your life.
let him bring them back when he wants to - ignore it, and get on with the plans you have decided on.
If he says he'll have them back by 5, then so be it.
if they don't arive back at 5, just do what you planned to anyway.
You can't make up for him being a shit, but you can damn well make sure your DDs know that it's him being a shit and not you.
Your DD1 has a key, 12 and 9 are old enough to be in the house on their own.
If he doesn't like it, then do the same rule you have for school nights - he has them the whole time and sends them to school in the morning (using clothes that he has at his house)

can't guarantee it will work - sounds like nothing will with that twat, but at least you knwo it's not your fault.

I have a lot to think about.

And my head hurts which is the lack of sleep.

There's a number of different approaches which might work.

The other thing to bear in mind, is that me and DP have just got engaged and some of this arseholiness might be a reaction to the goalposts shifting iyswim?

I don't know - trying to think with a headache and it isnt' working too well

it might be.
like he's thinking that if he makes your life as difficult as possible, you'll feel miserable and it'll ruin your new engagement.
another thing he can use to control you.

Go and have a drink with your DF and don't worry about it anymore tonight.