pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

[waspbee]

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

My neighbour is incredibly proud that her teenaged daughter and boyfriend asked for her and her DP's consent to start trying for a baby. It was duly given and neighbour is now broody and after a sterilisation reversal in order to conceive again herself. She has seven children, youngest is four.

I suppose it is the Modern Way.

Cote, no, we're in our late 20s, but don't worry, a simple 'I was wrong' is fine.

Slightly worried at the parents who throw their hands up into the air and blame "society" for not educating their daughters/sons to want more out of life than a kid, here...

can't be the only one, surely?

I would call it something but not sure the "modern way" is exactly how I would describe it. How do the teenagers in question plan to support this baby?

Do you have teenagers OP?

Whilst I agree that being pregnant at 17 is not ideal I have issues with most of your post.

Why do you only speak of the mother?
What should the mother have done to prevent this?

You can be open and clear with your children about safe sex, pregnancy, relationships etc but you cannot stop them doing what they do.

I hope that my DS1 and his girlfriend have taken heed of my views, advice and warnings but look at the threads on this site - how many are there from adult, educated, affluent women who find themselves pregnant?

It can happen to anyone.

Would you rather the mother disowns and publicly denounces her daughter?
Would that satisfy you?

Why does being pregnant at 17 = state paying for it?

I dont think the OP thought the mother should have somehow magically prevented the girl from getting pregnant. I think the point was that "EXPECTING" her to get pregnant was rather strange / worrying / sad

Very very very few relationships last when you get together at 17. Sure they can last a few years but from my experience by 35ish they break down. It is very rare that two people can grow up in the same way.

And I am not talking out of a whole in my butt. I got with exH at 16,
followed him 12000 miles at 22, married him at 24 was so devoted to him at 28 but by 31 it was over.

I personally think that your thirties are an awakening but hey thats jus my opinion

Oh forgot to actually answer the OP yes I think that all a person can be hampered by having a child young. I had a child at 16 but gave up for adoption, but women and I think at 17 she is a woman have the right to choose what is best for them.

LeQueen don't be too surprised if it happens. I hope it doesn't but it's got cock all to do with values sometimes. I would have thought it neither cool nor exciting if I had got pregnant at 16, but I was having sex as were many many other girls at my very good, selective, all girls Oxbridge/Russell group training ground grammar school.

I remember "expecting" that if I got pregnant at seventeen that I would get fuck-all help from anyone. Not from my parents who were quite nice and supported me for a long time through college and then Uni, and not from the government.

I did know someone in my social circle who became pregnant and kept the baby. One, out of maybe a hundred over my teenaged years in the late eighties. She told us all that she got a grant which bought her approximately half a second-hand pram. It scared the shit out of us as did the place she had to live.

I would be horrified and heartbroken if my dd became prgnant at 17 and considered it a good thing and wanted to keep the baby.

I really hope that I have done a good job of bringing her up to be confident, ambitopus and to think the world is her oyster. I would hope that her horizons would be broad, and she would not consider teenage motherhood as an option.

I was a mother at 17 and it has been hidesouly difficult. Her father fucked off out of it and it was awfully hard at the beginning. Yes I was able to pull my finger out and work hard etc but I would rather a teen/young woman was travelling the world, at uni, doing selfish things as opposed to dedicatng a life to motherhood so early.

Agree that having a baby so young means it is VERY unlikely that the father will stick around. I am very bitter about that on my daughter's behalf.

well i got together with dp at 18, pregnant at 19. i am now 32, he is 34, we have 5 kids, we both went to uni and got degrees and he has a good job to support me to be a sahm. i intend to do more training and go back to work once my littles (6mths) is school age. it doesnt have to be a disaster!

But the point is - a lot of adult women dont expect to get pregnant but do.

Because, like 17 year olds, they have sex.

Anyone who has sex is taking a chance that they may get pregnant. (well if they are female and fertile).

And let me tell you - there are much, much, much worse things than your DD getting pregnant.

4mad I agree it doesn't have to be disaster but i fear that the majority don't work out as well :(

I'd also agree that it doesn't have to be a disaster, but I don't think it's ideal either. I don't think any woman would say that having a child made her life easier - more enjoyable, probable, but not easier. It's more difficult when you're starting out and as OP says, the partner of this girl has already left the relationship. That's not a great start.

It was very different when I was 16, 17, 18. I remember trying to get the morning-after pill on a Sunday from an out-of-hours GP miles away. Impossible nightmare. I had an unwanted pregnancy at nineteen due to being single, off the pill, rekindling of affection with ex BF and a split condom for that very reason

Or the Monday morning hour-long Absence Of Shame that my colleague and mate had to endure a few times when we were in our early twenties.

I couldn't believe my luck when it all changed and once popped into the chemist at the airport to get it before going on holiday with no problem.

Recently I heard a mother talking to her DD who was ten or eleven:

"Nah you don't wanna baby too soon. Wait until you've had a bit of a life first"

Well quite.

"When you're about fifteen or sixteen is betterer"

Any mother who doesn't mind their DD getting sprogged up at 17 clearly isn't in the higher tax band.

I think most people would be happy to live and let live if they were not expected to pay for other peoples lifestyle choices.

I say " No recourse to public funds" and then teen pregnancy's for all those who want them.

FeministDragon - Why on earth would I say "a simple, 'I was wrong'", you dingbat?

I said that a 17 year old cannot possibly be in a "serious long term relationship" because she is barely past the age of consent.

You misunderstood that statement to mean no teenage relationship can last.

Learn to read before post half-baked replies.

My DSD told me she wants to have a baby at 20, because that's what I did (DD, her half sister, was planned and conceived when I was 19) and I guess she looks up to me. I told her that she will know the right time for her, but to bear in mind that I was very lucky to have met the man I wanted to spend my life with (her dad) at such a young age, and it is better to wait for the right person than to go by age alone.

I would hope that if she or her siblings had a baby young, they'd be well supported and had been brought up well enough to be a great parent, it's down to a lot more than age.

I would rather my DCs had a child a bit too young than focus on a career and end up missing their chance to have a family at all - I've seen this happen to people and it is utterly devastating.