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AIBU?

pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

337 replies

waspbee · 10/06/2011 17:36

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

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thefirstMrsDeVere · 10/06/2011 21:20

I would give anything to have my DD preg.
Anything.

fuzzpigFriday · 10/06/2011 21:20

(((((MrsDV))))) :(

TheFlyingOnion · 10/06/2011 21:24

isn't there more to life than getting pregnant at 20? What happened to travel? Expanding your horizons? Having fun? Getting an education? Having a career?

Why would you want to have kids at 17?? You've not experienced anything of the world at all.

It is sad, imo.

OK, its not a disaster, as in life goes on, but its not ideal, surely?

alemci · 10/06/2011 21:25

I think you are right somethingwitty. if the parents had to support their 17 year old financially and have them living at home, I think encouraging teen pregnancy would not be such a popular choice.

It is pretty rotten that people have to support their kids financially going through university for 3 years and the kids getting into huge debt because of the fees and then not being able to afford a family or housing. The system seems all wrong.

MillyR · 10/06/2011 21:26

Fuzzpig, I don't think it is just because of careers. There are lots of others things women do instead of having kids, but of course most of those things can be done at any point in your life, while there is a shorter time frame for getting pregnant in.

My niece has just done her GCSEs, and while nobody is suggesting she must get pregnant straight away, my SIL has advised her that she shouldn't wait longer than 10 years.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 10/06/2011 21:26

I know its dramatic but its true.

I used to think about it before she was sick. It was NOT what i wanted for her and she was a sensible girl.

I know now its not the end of the world. If DS's gf got pregnant I would cry, i wouldnt be horrified I would feel blessed and get on with it.

Honestly. Not being attention seeking , highjacking a thread or anything like that.

Its genuinelly how I feel now. Perspective you see.
It doesnt mean I think teenagers getting pregnant is a good idea though.

FellatioNelson · 10/06/2011 21:29

If the mother 'expected' it to happen then there really is little she could have done, that wouldn't be too little to late. At 17 the girl can do as she pleases no matter what her mother thinks.

fuzzpigFriday · 10/06/2011 21:29

I never understand these threads, why is having a baby young seen as a bad thing, or a waste of a life. Yes, I could have travelled or whatever, but what we wanted was to have children. Does that make me less of a person or something

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/06/2011 21:32

I would be extremely disappointed, I'd want so much more for my girls. Motherhood is amazing but I think timing is everything. It can be huge fun and so exciting but if you're not settled, have to go it alone, with no money and no help, it can be a nightmare, not good for the baby and not good for the mother.

I won't offer childcare, except in an emergency. Some grandparents don't mind but I would.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/06/2011 21:33

fuzzpig.. No, of course not, but it must have been very hard.

TheFlyingOnion · 10/06/2011 21:34

A 17 year old has a certain amount of freedom, but while they live at home they are still the responsibility of the parents and they are not yet an adult.

But then, if you haven't instilled some sort of self restraint at 17, you lost the battle years ago...

Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFlyingOnion · 10/06/2011 21:35

And I disagree: if the mother "expected" it to happen it means she knew exactly what was on the cards and did nothing...

TheFlyingOnion · 10/06/2011 21:37

there's no point comparing being pregant at 17 with "oh well, she could be in jail". What about "oh well, she could be studying for a qualification and seeing something of the world"

why compare a bad situation with a dire situation and be grateful?

Compare a bad situation with a good situation and aim for the good!

ZXEightyMum · 10/06/2011 21:39

Oh MrsDV, I sometimes get those thoughts too. My DD has a life-threatening illness which has threatened her more than once and not by any means for the last time.

Your amazingly beautiful and vibrant girl. I know what you mean x

Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/06/2011 21:40

Agrees with FryingOnion... it could be worse, everything can always be worse - but unprepared pregnancy isn't something I'd celebrate.

My teeth itched at the post further up where the teenage daughter asked mother and stepfather for permission to get pregnant.

MillyR · 10/06/2011 21:42

I started wanting children when I was 14, but I waited until my twenties to have them. The idea that you are going to really enjoy travelling, going to nightclubs etc when you are actually really want children doesn't make sense to me.

I'm glad that I had children young. I've still travelled, worked abroad, gone out to clubs and so on since having kids. I would have been really miserable if I'd done lots of that stuff first and had to put off having kids for years more.

For other people, the desire for children comes later, but not for me.

Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFlyingOnion · 10/06/2011 21:43

having no control is bollocks

Of course you can't lock them in their rooms. you shouldn't need to.

Control at that age is about educating them and being supportive. NOT supportive of them having unprotected sex and no ambition other than kids. that's not doing them any favours.

Laquitar · 10/06/2011 21:45

Are you all saying that your life and your ambition ended when you got pregnant then?

She can still do things, just not the same way. She can study. She can have a career. She can travel. She is 17, the world is still her oyster. She will also have plenty of energy so she can combine things easier than some of us.

If anything, it might even be easier (if she has her parents support). I had mine 20 yrs later than her and my parents are too old to help, plus i'm facing having small children and ill parents and the same time. There are some pros and cons in both situations and it is not ideal but there is not ideal really.

But it is not disaster and it doesn't have to be a life on benefits etc

Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 10/06/2011 21:46

Parents do have a responsibility to their children to bring them up properly, to instill in them values that it is far better to get a decent education and a good job before considering having children.

I instilled in my children that University came first.

That quality of life was paramount.

My son was 19 before he considered sex. The same will apply to my now 18 year old.

Children grow up far too young and they do so because of so called parenting. Keep them as young as possible for as long as possible.

FabbyChic · 10/06/2011 21:47

Parents do have a responsibility to their children to bring them up properly, to instill in them values that it is far better to get a decent education and a good job before considering having children.

I instilled in my children that University came first.

That quality of life was paramount.

My son was 19 before he considered sex. The same will apply to my now 18 year old.

Children grow up far too young and they do so because of so called parenting. Keep them as young as possible for as long as possible.

MillyR · 10/06/2011 21:50

It just seems bizarre to me. Why would you get the good job first, when you know as a woman that having responsibility for a baby could very well lose you that good job? MN is littered with threads about women who couldn't continue their career after having children. I wouldn't want DD to be trying to get back into the work force in middle age with primary school age children, and I know a lot of women in that position.

It is just easier to combine child care and studying, or childcare with the early stage of a career.

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