pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

[waspbee]

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

I see both sides here.

But if the mother expected it to happen (and didn't want it to) the only thing she could have done was to insist on a long term method of contraception that the daughter couldn't easily remove (ie implant, injections).

I'm not sure its ethical to insist on this and if the daugther refused to go along with this, I'm not sure the mother could have done much to force/coerce her into it.

blimey,not much contribution from the op on this thread!!

Although it does at least protect from pregnancy, I am always quite nervous about the idea of young teen girls on the pill or injection etc. I really hate the thought of a girl saying "oh it's fine not to use a condom, I can't get pregnant anyway" and then getting an STD. Pregnancy is certainly not the worst consequence of unprotected sex, and at least that can be 'dealt with', unlike HIV. Or curable ones like chlamydia which often go unnoticed and have long term consequences including infertility.

The morning after pill exists, yes, but IIRC it's over £20 over the counter in Boots or wherever. You can get it on prescription I think (never taken it myself, been lucky never to have a split condom), or from a family planning clinic - but these aren't easily accessible to all. It's impossible to get an appointment with my GP for sooner than a week, and there are often only FPC/walk in clinics in town centres. Lame excuse but several things get in the way - needing to get to school before eyebrows are raised, for instance...

Having said that the MAP kind of gives the same impression doesn't it - if a girl is resourceful enough to get it, she can just not bother with a condom, again forgetting the STD risk.

If a girl has a few drinks and has unprotected sex, you would expect her #1 priority the following day to be getting the morning after pill. Be a bit late for class and borrow the £20 - surely much less trouble than having the baby.

Unfortunately, many teenagers think they're invulnerable and that these things only happen to other people.

I think you're right SITMWY. Thinking back, I probably would've ended up with a baby aged 16 as I was in total denial of what was going on. If my mother hadn't noticed I'd missed my periods I would have probably been too late for an abortion.

I know I thought I was mature, but actually I was terrified and incapable of making a decision, I just kept hoping my period would come and everything would be okay. I read all the mags, I knew about the Brook Advisory Centre, but it was like I was frozen.

My boyfriend at the time was worse than useless.

I didn't know the condom had split, he didn't think to tell me that until I'd missed 2 periods, not that the MAP was available back then.

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jun/12/thirtysomething-grandparents-social-services-study

This is an interesting article about the generational consequences of the normalisation of very young motherhood.

Fancy being a grandmother in your thirties?

"My youngest, Kaylee, had just become independent enough for me to get a job for the first time in my life when we had to take on full responsibility for our grandson. I had to give up work and go back to being a full-time parent all over again."

Tbh, I think that in presenting teenage motherhood as generally a positive experience (NOT talking about individuals here) we risk denying some women the choice to ever be anything other than a carer for children.

A genuine question, but is this generational thing all that new? My DM's youngest brothers were just 8 when I was born. My DH was just 7 when his nephew was born.

I guess, as the article alludes to, the main difference is back then folk were usually married and not many girls were having babies at 14. I think there is difference between 14 and 17, 18, 19.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's ideal to get pregnant at 17 (no more ideal than 38 tbh) but I don't think it's new and I don't think it's the end of the world.

StuckInTheMiddle -- interesting that it was the young mother's mother and not the young father's parents who took on the burden of raising the grandson, and seemingly without any question of involving the other set of grandparents at all. Maybe parents of teenage boys would be more likely to sit down and have that serious talk with their boys if they expected to find themselves giving up their jobs and freedom to bring up a grandchild?

Argh the age old debate... again!!

No it's not ideal and yes it is being normalised but aside from locking up our children there is nothing we can do about it except educate them in schools and at home through talking to them and hoping they act sensibly when we are not there, I actually think it's awful to blame the parents.

FWIW teen pregnancies run in my family (5 generations, quite bizarrely) even though we are all well educated and workers as well as the fact that everyone of us have been in long term relationships which have gone on afterwards, it's not ideal but a lot worse goes on in the world.

Should also add that my mum became a 3rd time mum (twins) and grandmother within 8 months at the grand old age of 35 :o

also a few generations ago you did find that there were teen pregnancies but the grandparents tended to pass them off as there own children as often they were only in their 40's and it could have been their baby when they were on the 'turn'.

My father in law has a feeling that his mother may have had a child who he thought of as her aunt but he cannot be sure as they are both dead.