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Original poster

pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

337 replies

waspbee · 10/06/2011 17:36

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:26

Fuzz - You can quote definitions until the thread reaches 1,000 posts, but "ambitious" and "All I wanted was to be a good mum" are still not the same thing.

Nothing wrong with wanting nothing else than motherhood. But that is not ambition. That is being maternal.

Laquitar · 10/06/2011 22:28

Can anyone else see the irony here?
Those who cant accept a life different to theirs are the ones who talk about 'seeing the world', 'learning' etc. Bloody ironic Grin

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:28

" I don't regret my children at all but possibly in retrospect, if I knew then what I do now I would have waited a bit longer"

Exactly. And that is why people say "it's a shame" when they hear of a 17-year-old's pregnancy.

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:30

CoteDAzure Ummm, I have a very young baby and am currently studying to be an accountant. I also have a business selling my own jewellery that is going quite nicely thank you. I also go travelling to see relatives (abroad) with DS.

It's hard, but it is possible and having my child has made me more determined to do this to give him everything he needs...

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:31

What has acceptance got to do with it?

This is about our dreams for our children.

You can have a baby at 17 and struggle for years to come. I am totally fine with that.

I just wouldn't want it to happen to someone I care about.

D0G · 10/06/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darnsarfupnorf · 10/06/2011 22:34

cote your a right barrell of laughs arent you! she CAN do all of those things and there are plenty of mums on here that prove it, get off your high horse fgs!

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:35

Mumofaflump - Would you say that all you wanted was to be a mum? That you weren't interested in work, or that all you did since having a baby was hobbies and a bit of volunteer work?

No?

Then I am not talking about you, am I? Hmm

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:39

^CoteDAzur Fri 10-Jun-11 22:02:41
" She can study. She can have a career. She can travel"

With a little baby? Are you fucking kidding me?^

I was merely answering the post quoited above. Apologies if I have riled you somehow, mind you don't strain that emoticons poor eyebrow.

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:40

Gah, epic fail on the italics there...

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:40

"cote your a right barrell of laughs arent you!"

Yes, I am hilarious. And you are barely literate. It is hardly astonishing that we have differing views on whether a teenage girl should develop her abilities and prepare for a successful life or start making babies.

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:42

Oh for fecks sake. For quoited please read quoted

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:44

Who looks after your baby, Mumofaflump?

Darnsarfupnorf · 10/06/2011 22:44

if you find that barely litterate then you have problems...

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:46

Me, Am on maternity leave still. I look after baby-flump during the day, study and work in the evenings. In 3 months I shall be going back to my office job three days a week at which point DS shall go to childcare, I shall continue to work and study in the evenings and look after DS on my days off.

Why?

Mumofaflump · 10/06/2011 22:47

Also MN in the evenings too!

Grin
Darnsarfupnorf · 10/06/2011 22:50

good for you mumo! see cote, stick that in your ignorant, middle class, daily mail reading pipe and smoke it!

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 22:51

jeez not very feminist is it

is this all our girls are good for?

course the mums can get involved, tell them it's generally a pretty bloody stupid idea to get pregnant when you're a teenager, make sure they inhale that fact from the age of understanding

as if the mother can do nothing

my eye

Laquitar · 10/06/2011 22:54

Look Cote you seem to have very strong views on the subject. If i remember correctly you were doing the same on a thread about stepchildren and husbands who have fathered children before and you were very angry and aggressive on that thread too? I wonder why....

I don't usually like bringing up stuff about other posters but you are trying to bully young mums here and make them feel shit.

So take your personal issues and p...s off.

portaloo · 10/06/2011 22:55

Being a mother is not as romanticised as some youngsters who have never had DC believe it to be.

Personally, I find it perplexing to hear some young girls say that all they want to do in life is to be a mother. They have no interest in anything else, don't wish to travel, further their education, take up hobbies, meet new people etc etc etc. They don't want to do anything but become a mother. I have a friend, whose daughter is in her early 20's and this young girl has desperately wanted nothing more than to be a mother since she was 13/14 years old. She never goes out, has no social life, has no interest in anything other than waiting for her knight in shining armour to come along and sweep her off her feet, and work as long as need be to support her and however many DC she has.
I would be devastated if my DD could see no other future than to have DC and bring them up, and never do anything else.....ever. I don't know why I would feel so sad for my DD, but there's so much more to life that we can do too. How can having DC be the only thing anyone ever wants to do/see/be?

Maryz · 10/06/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 22:55

piss off? can't cope with disagreement even by ONE person?

actually it's two now

Psychpineapple · 10/06/2011 22:57

My mother could do nothing about it. To this day she regularly has a go at me for having a child at 17.

But her reasoning is what is unreasonable as her reasoning is - it was the shame of having to tell her friends. But with the views expressed on this thread, I have been lightened to it being a genuine fear of hers.

She knew nothing about me trying to conceive, and she knew nothing about the baby until I was 6 months gone. She has never financially supported me or the child beyond the age of 16. She has looked after my child max a dozen times in the last 15 years. But that is not an issue, as she did not choose to have a grandchild, I chose to have a child.

Noone has pointed out yet, what I/my child has missed out on from having a baby at 17.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 22:58

cripes it's loads more than two, I thought there were only two pages

CoteDAzur · 10/06/2011 22:58

Mumofaflump - So you are not 17, I gather. You were already working and studying to be an accountant when you fell pregnant. Now you are still at maternity leave so you don't really know how hard it will be to work, study, and look after your baby at the same time.

I asked who looked after your baby because I had the impression that you were saying you had a baby and still managed to start your studies and build a business selling jewelry, which made me think that someone else must have put in a lot of hours of childcare for you to do all that.