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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't have sex with their husbands enough?

327 replies

dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:14

Just from reading some threads I think some women don't realise how much a man needs sex. Totally on a different level to how we do but making that bit of effort not to think about how tired we are (I am most of the time) but just from my experience they don't want firework inducing experiences. Its just how men feel close and connected is by having sex. Shouldn't we make the effort to make the effort?

OP posts:
beachyhead · 09/06/2011 23:23

Did anyone else see the experiment or read the book (i can't remember) where you have sex with your partner every night for a year?er It seemed to work wonders for those who wanted to regain the closeness... it wasn't about power, it was about reconnection.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 23:23

thats right Pumpernickel. There are loads of reasons why people don't or can't have sex.

OP was starting from a very basic POV, but discounting all the variables, it is interesting to know how much is enough in a normal healthy relationship.

duchesse · 09/06/2011 23:24

I'm seriously starting to think that MN has been taken over by a bunch of viciously reactionary men.

RudeEnglishLady · 09/06/2011 23:24

Or you could ask why some men don't have sex with their wives enough...or bring them coffee in bed enough... or remember their aniversary enough? Why are you asking from the point of view of 'the women creates the problem by not submitting'?

I get what you mean... I probably wondered this sort of thing when I was about 19 or whatever ... but once you've lived with a chap and had DCs and stuff, surely you would have more insight into this and not need to ask this and thus receive your flaming?

MamaMary · 09/06/2011 23:24

Actually, I think the OP makes a valid point, albeit not very sensitively or clearly.

In general - though not in every case - men do need sex more than women. While women connect with their DP through verbal communication, men connect through sex. In this sense, they need it more, and miss it more when it's absent or lacking. When both parties are very tired, men are more likely to prioritise sex, while we women tend to prioritise sleep.

Perhaps the OP is just trying to say that a lot of women fail to understand these differences.

BTW I read this in the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus book, and others, and it stuck with me.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 09/06/2011 23:25

Which book, OP?

I am finding it difficult to muster the guster at the moment. Had a baby 4 months ago, breastfeeding and co sleeping makes it difficult, plus the fact that I feel shit about my post-pregnancy body.

If you think this book will help me feel better about all of this and direct me to some kind of solution please do share the title.

I just think it sounds crap, though, from your description of it. Men aren't more 'animal' than women in terms of their sexual needs, and that's what it sounds as though you are basing your newfound beliefs on.

Pumpernickel10 · 09/06/2011 23:25

swallowed it could be care in the community. You help all those unloved men who don't get sex from their sack of potato wife's. You could get an OBE for that

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 23:25

Yeah, but I think you'll find if you read that book that even the hubby got to the point where enough already!

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 23:29

and women who need more sex than men are given the label 'nymphomaniacs'...

swallowedAfly · 09/06/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 23:30

Omigawd articulated perfectly and agree with every word.

Started this thread to try and make people think about the subject seriously.

I am much less in the mood than dh. It became at bottom of my priorities. Forgot that intimacy was very much needed on BOTH sides.

I'm bi and have been in relationships with women too and yes sex was probably more on the level I want it when with a women bit being with men see it as very different.

And yes I know with some situations is different. I made a sweeping generalisation because I believe it to be an overall generalisation that should be though about.

OP posts:
SunRaysthruClouds · 09/06/2011 23:31

Interesting that most of you seem to jump on the 'lets take the piss out of the OP' bandwagon (which happens alot on MN). Assuming OP is not a troll why is it not worthy of even the slightest consideration? And most of you think it is reasonable that if you don't fancy it then your DHs should put up with it for what, 4 weeks , 6 months, a year. And i see it as fairly obvious that the OP wasn't aiming the q at people where physical disabilities etc are invovled, or illness. And obviously this applies to men wrt wives too? Surely the OP was just suggesting that a physical relationship helps to keep a partnership alive, where it is feasible?
I think both sides in most partnerships forget to be selfless and could offer more to their partners, if they want the partnership to survive.

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 23:31

I will find book and let you know. Away from home mo so don't have it x

OP posts:
duchesse · 09/06/2011 23:33

And so many are people with closed profiles too... Doesn't lend credibility to their comments I must say.

PrinceHumperdink · 09/06/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/06/2011 23:37

Christ! Has someone just thrown the "Men are from Mars...." book into the mix as some sort of scientific journal? Shock.

What the effing hell is going on with MN these days?

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 23:37

Maybe you should stick with female sexual relations if it was more suited to your sexual energy.

beachyhead · 09/06/2011 23:39

Practice makes perfect, I think Smile

swallowedAfly · 09/06/2011 23:39

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SunRaysthruClouds · 09/06/2011 23:41

Duchesse - I don't see how someones profile makes a comment seem more worthy.
A comment should stand on it's own - it either makes sense or it doesn't.

swallowedAfly · 09/06/2011 23:42

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swallowedAfly · 09/06/2011 23:43

This reply has been deleted

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Isthreetoomany · 09/06/2011 23:45

Ok, I agree that a physical relationship is important for both partners, to connect and to keep the partnership going. But that's about both people wanting it at the same time.

I do not agree with the way it's phrased in the OP as men 'needing sex'. This seems to me a manipulative way of looking at the issue, and (as someone who was date raped a very long time ago and whose boyfriend used this argument to justify his actions) I think that wording is a bit offensive.

duchesse · 09/06/2011 23:46

It's about credibility. At least having an open profile shows that some thought has been put into the online persona, even if it's all jokey and made-up like some people's are. It's just too easy to generate a persona without a person behind it and go around agreeing multiply with an OP that may or may not be the same person.

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 23:48

Thankyou to those who are actually thinking about it.

Ok I probably didn't phrase op very well and for that I'm sorry but was on my mind so just put it out there.

Thanks for lovely comment on whether I should have stuck to woman. If you want to go into my sexual orientation that would probably be another thread. But to sum up I fall in love with the person that's all.

OP posts: