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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't have sex with their husbands enough?

327 replies

dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:14

Just from reading some threads I think some women don't realise how much a man needs sex. Totally on a different level to how we do but making that bit of effort not to think about how tired we are (I am most of the time) but just from my experience they don't want firework inducing experiences. Its just how men feel close and connected is by having sex. Shouldn't we make the effort to make the effort?

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 09/06/2011 22:24

Op you are talking nonsense.
I have a far higher sex drive than my DH.

Off you trot.

TragicallyHip · 09/06/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

woeisme48 · 09/06/2011 22:25

why are you speaking up for men ?
why should we listen to anecdotal nonsense?
men can speak for themselves.
women can have sex or not have sex depending on many things.
There is no "should"...
men don't "need" sex, they may want it [or not] but they don't need it
also...who cares ?
also...you really gotta be joing

woeisme48 · 09/06/2011 22:26

"joking"

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:26

Agree with shakirasma

OP posts:
2cats2many · 09/06/2011 22:27

My sex drive is much bigger than my husband"s. Sex drive has nothing to do with gender.

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:28

Exactly, men do not NEED sex to stay alive,,,,it's not bloody water you know.

K999 · 09/06/2011 22:28

I don't think sex provides emotional security....Hmm

sandyposy · 09/06/2011 22:30

you know, I agree with you OP. And I am one of the ones who probably doesn't have sex enough. I used to love love love it, but since birth of DC 2.5yrs ago I just am not that interested. It's not about being tired, it's pure antipathy to actually having sex. When we do, I sometimes enjoy it, sometimes don't, but it always makes things sunnier between DH and I. He's not a rampant must-have-sex-every-day type of guy, but I've come to realise that no sex for two or three weeks just leaves him feeling completely excluded from my life - especially as our DC often still sleeps with us, and sticks himself firmly between us so we have to wave goodnight rather than kiss goodnight, meaning DH doesn't even get a cuddle when he needs one.

Trouble is, even though I know it's good for my relationship and I do sometimes enjoy it, I do kind of resent having to have sex for this reason, and I hate being the woman staring up at the ceiling with mind wandering to my to-do list - this is not the kind of person I ever expected to be! Can't wait till get my sex drive back again ...

Long post, sorry

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:31

For goodness sakes I am just saying that from MY experience when i haven't been in the mood I did not appreciate that SOME men express their love and affection for their dp by being intimate. I

For those that have nothing constructive to say don't post.

I went through a period of really not being in the mood to have sex with dh but did not appreciate how important it was for him as a way to express closeness.

What is wrong from looking at it from a men's point of few?

OP posts:
MoreBeta · 09/06/2011 22:31

YABVU!

Grin
TakeMeDrunkImHome · 09/06/2011 22:32

He can crack on while i'm eating my wispa but that doesn't seem to do it for him. Dammit i'm a useless woman. Must take ribbon from my hair. Oh the shame.

Want a wispa now.

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:32

Sandyposy can totally relate x

OP posts:
marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:33

sandyposy....'can't wait till get my sex drive back again'

Good luck with that one.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:33

so OP, how much is enough?

Or is it blowjobforapairofshoesgate all over again?

MissVerinder · 09/06/2011 22:34

Pffff. All that jiggling makes my kindle fall off the bed, and the ice in my G+G rattle.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:34

MoreBeta you should know. How much sex is acceptable from a mans POV?

BitOfFun · 09/06/2011 22:35

Perhaps you should toddle off and embroider some piano leg covers? That may soothe the savage beast for a while.

Isthreetoomany · 09/06/2011 22:35

Don't be so ridiculous

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:36

OP, why does your DH 'need' sex to show how he feels about you?
Can he not just have a cuddle or does it always lead to sex?

blondepinhead · 09/06/2011 22:36

CBA to namechange. The reason I don't have enough sex with my H is down to him, not me. This year when asked what I wanted for my birthday, I asked for a shag (in a jokey manner, not in a justfrickingdoitalready way). Apparently this is considered putting undue pressure on him. I apologised profusely and retreated.

What I find a bit unfair is that he always acts attracted to me, gets me all excited that something is going to happen but just won't, erm, follow though. Really, really frustrating Angry.

So. How's that affecting your theory, OP?

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 22:37

YABU

My husband is capable of relieving his sexual tension all by himself if I'm not in the mood for his cock.

It's not his god given right to use my orifice just because he is male and we are married.

IHateMarlo · 09/06/2011 22:37

1/10 you get the 1 point for the pa Smile

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/06/2011 22:38

If your dh or dp is in the mood then aren't they showing how much they are attracted to you and love you.

Oh what a load of fucking guff. My abusive ex-h was often in the mood , but it was feck all to do with love or attraction, and much more to do with his sense of power and control, and his skewed belief that I should be available to him as and when he felt like it. "Close and connected" we weren't, let me assure you.

DirtyMartini · 09/06/2011 22:38

"For those that have nothing constructive to say don't post."

Hoho at the irony of this. However, taking it at face value: you're not the boss of us, as it happens. People can post as much nonsense as they like - and will, on a thread like this. Quite rightly.