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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't have sex with their husbands enough?

327 replies

dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:14

Just from reading some threads I think some women don't realise how much a man needs sex. Totally on a different level to how we do but making that bit of effort not to think about how tired we are (I am most of the time) but just from my experience they don't want firework inducing experiences. Its just how men feel close and connected is by having sex. Shouldn't we make the effort to make the effort?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 09/06/2011 22:38

I'd rather have a cup of tea

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:38

Man's POV re how much sex is neccessary. er, should imagine at least twice a day every day, no?

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 09/06/2011 22:38

Lovin that even morebeta doesn't want to get involved in this one.

But to equal the arguement, if men realised how important decent, mural sex was to woman they would get more.

animula · 09/06/2011 22:39

Answers to OP:

  1. Is there really a sex difference in sexual desire? (As opposed to mis-matches between persons?) There are also lots of men who are not having, or having enough, sex with their female partners - why have you excluded those from your OP? I suspect there is something of a taboo about taking about the situation of a man not having sex, bound up with lots of deeply embedded gender stereotypes, so we don't hear about it so much.

(Though that's more of a question. But it is a response.)

  1. There is, I suspect, often a "language" around sex, and it's absence/infrequency in a relationship can be a pointer to dissatisfaction elsewhere in the relationship. Especially with regard to housework and emotional care-taking.
  1. There may be medical reasons.
  1. Making more of an effort may not actually deal with the underlying problems, if there are any.
FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:39

thingumy Grin spot on

K999 · 09/06/2011 22:40

I have fuck all constructive to say but I'll still post all the same....Grin

In fact it makes me want to post even more!!

BitOfFun · 09/06/2011 22:40

I get loads of mural sex, what with DP being an artist.

animula · 09/06/2011 22:41

Sooooo late with my post.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:41

Love I fancy a bit of that mural sex, oh yes Grin

And not all men will shag owt that moves 24/7. At least not the ones with a modicum of self control and respect.

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 22:43

Loving usual's cup of tea Grin

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:44

I was trying to put a thought out there to be seriously thought about and not just ripped apart for sake of it.

My point again is that by men having sex with the one they love is a way of expressing their emotions they may not be so good at in other ways.

For those of you just taking the piss and making off the cuff remarks just stop and think about what I'm saying.

Why do you not want to be intimate with the one you love? Why do you so easily dismiss it with unthoughtful comments?

This post is to try to make some women appreciate that when their dp wants to have sex with them it is for the reason they LOVE them.

Yes we all work stupid long hours and have children and a hundred things going on in our lives but giving some time to be with the one you love should be moved up the priory list.

OP posts:
Omigawd · 09/06/2011 22:45

Men are simple creatures - they get grumpy if you don't feed, flatter or f*ck them often enough. How much is enough? When they get grumpy :o

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:45

Anyway OP, shouldn't you be in bed now, making sure your DH is 'getting enough'?

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 22:46

'For those of you just taking the piss and making off the cuff remarks just stop and think about what I'm saying.'

dur.

ballstoit · 09/06/2011 22:46

I think it's more strange that, from reading many threads and living with ex-H, I have found that many some men don't realise how physically and emotionally draining bringing up children is. I also find it strange that many some men don't make more effort to do their fair share of parenting and housework.

OP, I hope your DP realises how lucky he is that you will happily open your legs whenever he so desires, whether she fancies sex or not Hmm

ballstoit · 09/06/2011 22:48

I presume that my ex-H was expressing his LURVE for the woman he was knocking off behind my back...and for the one he is currently knocking off behind her husband's back. He has a whole lot of LURVE to share around it would seem.

fearnelinen · 09/06/2011 22:51

YAB a twat U
I cannot actually believe that this is being treated as a real debate. It's 2011 for fucks sake.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:51

so OP I ask again. How much sex is enough? Assuming you are in a loving relationship and want your DH to know how much you appreciate him?

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:51

Why do I not want to be intimate with my DH? MMM, let me think....because he thinks he can lie on his arse watching TV whilst I do the cooking, ironing, cleaning and taking care of DCs needs.

And you think I should then go to bed and shag his brains out allow him to show his feelings, WTF!

marriedsingleparent · 09/06/2011 22:54

ballstoit...you so nailed it.

Original poster
dontstopbelieving · 09/06/2011 22:54

Lol...

Ok I will be smug with my lot then if you want to take that stance. I LOVE my full time job working stupid hours, I love our dc. I love my dh.

I tried to start a thought provoking thread but sod it.

You girls go back to your wine and chocolate and 'isn't life tiring and hard'.

One final thought:
I haven't always felt like this BUT since I have my relationship has been 100 times better and the input from dh in other areas has been huge.

An NO I am not 'opening legs' for dh tonight. I've been on a 13 hr shift and working 300 miles away.

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 09/06/2011 22:57

dontstop are you ever going to answer my question? If not then what a pointless thread.

I love my fulltime job, my DH and our DC and I do shag him, but would LOVE to know whether I have been doing it enough. Please answer do.

allosaurusrex · 09/06/2011 22:57

So basically your message (having read OP and first page of replies) is that we should ignore our own feelings (Too tired? Think of your hubby and open your legs lady!) and be martyrs to the cause of our husband's sexual needs. Fucking hell.

YABU. Not because there's no merit in thinking about your partner's needs as well as your own, that's fab, but it goes two ways surely? Should only the female partner consider their husband's needs, but the husband shouldn't consider the wife's? Frankly I would expect my DH to be insulted by your insinuation that I should shag him even if I don't feel like it because he "needs" it. We have these funny things called conversations and this weird phenomenon called openness. It's quite good really, means we know what our respective sexual needs are and work something out.

MissVerinder · 09/06/2011 22:58

For those of you just taking the piss and making off the cuff remarks just stop and think about what I'm saying

I am thinking about what you're saying; that is why I am taking the piss.

not thinking about how tired we are

Ugh. Not thinking about ourselves at all, being as we are just receptacles. When you say we, I can only assume you mean women.

Lucky for me, DP doesn't need a quick shag to feel loved. Imagine that, eh?

Thingumy · 09/06/2011 22:58

Do tell OP- how many times do you 'give in' to just make your husband feel connected?

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